I heard the angles calling,
I drowned the voices in a
slurry of precaution and shame.

No more worries, the doctor's
got the cure just drink it
up there's no hurry.

I suffered for their treatments
and child abuse.

Still, the shadows danced
across the wall my mind was
drunk off anxiety and
depression.

My dreams were reality but my
waking hours were all a dream.

Delusions and fantasy all
the same, until the fog lifted
me from the dream.

A little birdie brought me
clear skies and a deep simulator
that opened my eyes.

Now I live in the light,
six wire's are planted inside
my brain sending signals so
I can control my twitching
and contorted frame.

I am a bionic woman, living
no dream just reality.

©️ 2022 By Amanda Shelton

People ask me frankly,
"Why live as an owl in the night?"
I answer
You can see things in the dark impossible to see in the light

"Why sleep your days away?"
When you're awake, life only has one perspective, but when you're dreaming, perspective is limitless

"And why not speak your truth to the world?"
There is more to learn in silence than there is in conversation

You are where I want to be
You're my best friend
The one who knows me better than me
You've always had this way of looking past the mess that is me
Into my heart, my soul, you see infinity
I never see judgement or fear in your eyes
I see compassion and kindness
The longing I feel, your patience I see
You have and would wait eternities for me
Ever familiar, forever home
Never wavering faith, strong
The solid ground to my constant shifting sands
Arms that feel like home, like they won't ever let me go
Fingertips play me like a piano
Hands so strong and powerful, yet touch me soft as an angel
Lips that kiss life back into my spirit
A tongue that speaks no evil or lies
And a smile like the most beautiful sunrise

When I was little
I was scared
Scared of the monsters living under my bed
I used to hide, under my blanket
Under my blanket, I was safe
The monsters couldn’t reach me under my blanket

My parents used to say
The monsters would go away
I would grow up and that then they would leave

But I grew up
And the monsters didn’t leave
Turns out my monsters, grew with me
Now instead of under my bed
The monsters live inside my head

So I hide, under my blanket
Where I think I am safe
Wondering if after all this time
My blanket can still keep the monsters at bay

An ugly little toy doll
Sits in the corner watching, waiting
for you to come play
Brush her hair, clean her pain

She's waiting for you to come and play
Show her the monsters deep inside her soul
And tell her they'll consume her whole
If she doesn't come and play
Come and play

A pretty little toy doll
Sits in the sun smiling with a song
waiting for you to come say
I'll never paint your smile black

She's waiting for you to come and play
Show her the monsters deep inside her soul
Tell her they'll consume her whole
She's afraid to die slow
Come and play

An ugly little toy doll
sits in the corner watching, waiting
For you to come play
Rip out her hair, tell her she is your pain
Come and play