Every time your eyes lock mine
Those three words float to the edge of my mouth
and dance along to tip of my tongue as they gently brush your lips
I’ve said it to you a hundred times as you slept in my arms
Ive whispered it behind you as you walked on ahead
You said you would be in trouble if you could read minds
Please don’t read mine
Just three words
That I can’t say to your face
That I tell you in little ways everyday
I lose myself In the way you look at me
Nobody’s ever looked at me like that
Truthfully I’ve lost myself in you completely
and I don’t want to be found
When did you do this to me?
I feel like I’m going to throw up
Maybe these are what they call butterflies
Why can’t I say it
First you took my eyes
And with it you stole my heart
It’s silent
Should I say it?
Hold it back
Then you stole my mouth, and my words were yours
What are you thinking about?
I said it
Silence
my chest is sinking and I’m drowning along side it
Can you feel my pain through my eyes?
The eyes you stole
My words are lacking now
My mouth is yours remember
I have nothing right to say
My heart it’s bleeding in your hands
Do you want it?

Sometimes I am driven to a state of utter insanity by the incredulity of my own self.
How shamelessly I stand waiting under the sun looking up to the sky as if a sudden love would fall from it!
I scratch my own wounds making a fresh pain out of them to live through.
Was I not done with the devastating breakdown of my heart not many a while ago?
But like a woman hypnotised I am feverish with a new hope-This time a wish for burning.
Brokenness was bitter,I console myself but what if burning feels better.
I will play with the flames, dance with its passion,let it get into my body like a ghost and then die down along with it as ashes.
Maybe I am on the verge of doing much more than what my mind can accept.
But you know once you taste of love, you will always want more of it.

No matter whether it causes a breaking or a burning.

If I gave you my soul,
would you read each page?
Scribble notes of interest
and know me.
Would you take the time,
to help tape the seams?
Would you mend,
the fragility of my soul?
It tears and rips,
easily, emotionally.

even death
didn’t allow me to escape you

i’ll be looking for you
even when my body runs cold

ill always make sure that you’re alright
even when i’m dead

i’ll love you
even when i can’t love anymore

and in that deafening silence,
i’ve never wished more to be heard,
wracked with endless demurs of regret and remorse –
impure, impure, impure.

ii.
but it’s my choice, isn’t it?
to bear the knot of pearls come undone,
to feel it shift from skin to soul,
to speak of loving, and then let go.
(i see this now as a luxury i could not afford.) iii.
if i don’t rise come blooming spring,
ring the church bells for those left unheard,
wash the red from the bed sheets,
please unhinge my strife from the earth;

and know this:

a man is no longer a man,
after his unbidden pillage,
has left an innocent soul shaken;
unholy.

holy, holy, holy.