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199 · Mar 2018
the things beyond
Stephanie Mar 2018
laughing isn't a denotation of happiness
sometimes, of hardships too
smiling isn't just for positivity
sometimes, it transcends negativity
staring isn't always a creepy deed
sometimes, it's because you've lost in beauty
or perhaps in tragedy;
crying doesn't always mean that your sad
sometimes, you outcry for joy
or sometimes for a need
and being silent doesn't always
correspond with madness
sometimes, you just have too
so you can hear yourself's plead
and feel your own emotions
and everything else will follow
... eventually
198 · Feb 2020
she
Stephanie Feb 2020
she
​i still hate the girl that i am obliged to deal with every single day
but i confess that still i wake up to give her another try
allow her to make mistakes
take the guilt, and apologize
for what's only accounted to her
allow her to breathe and take a break
allow her to cry when she's sad
allow her to burn when she's mad
allow her to love, to bleed in love
and somehow, to be loved
yes, i still do not like some parts of her
but i finally understood that
she is also human
and she is me.
197 · Aug 2019
you do make me explode
Stephanie Aug 2019
Sometimes like a fireworks
Just full of colors;
Sometimes like a bomb
Just so destructive
*self-destructive
197 · Oct 2018
poems
Stephanie Oct 2018
poems
aren't
a
big
deal
until
you
realize
that
it
is
written
for
you
and
meant
for
you
what is humanity without poetry?
196 · Oct 2018
immiscible
Stephanie Oct 2018
love and selfishness combined
is just selfishness alone
for there are no two different things
are neutral
the other will subside and the other will dominate
191 · Feb 2018
You
Stephanie Feb 2018
You
This is a piece of crap
I'm writing random words my pen can't stop
Then I came to think of you
Haha! is there something new?
That I'm thinking of a person
Who's not thinking of me, not in any season
I entitled this "you"
So I'll get notified and it'll say, "someone liked you"
And so at least through this poem, you'll like me too
But how sure I am that you'll probably do?
Well, three points for being witty, I think that's enough for you to
this is very random but I hope it'll make you smile somehow
188 · Jan 2019
my love...
Stephanie Jan 2019
if ever that you would meet
one of my poems again,
don't pay attention on the words
seek for my heart instead
then listen to whatever your heart says
and that's it..
the most precious thing in the world
let our hearts find its way back home
you own my poetry
so as you own my love
for once, i wanted to be the subject of your poetry.
because to me, it's always been you.
188 · Oct 2020
Elegy
Stephanie Oct 2020
I am no better like a sad poetry

Atleast let me be the poem that I always am.
186 · Apr 2019
Have you noticed my lights?
Stephanie Apr 2019
you said they're twinkling and that's beautiful
but you are wrong.
they are not twinkling; they are fading
yet they are still trying hard to illuminate brightness
with all their might but soon it will not be enough
is it beautiful if one day they'll completely die?
darkness isn't always bad.. it's also peace
eternal peace
186 · Dec 2020
the one I admire the most
Stephanie Dec 2020
Maybe I have never really learn
How much I adore someone
Until I see you coming to me
With your uplifting smiles
After a long, exhausting day,
Bringing light to my clammy world
Your laughter is a musical that tickles my soul
Your brown eyes never fails to see
the beauty in everything,
The same eyes that saw the beauty in me
You make everything look so lovely
How are you this precious?
Just the fact that I've met you is already a wonderful gift
But here you are willingly sharing all your pieces of grace with me
You invite me to a better world each day
Wherein pain will not linger until tomorrow
Because you always reminds my heart to believe and have faith in my prayers
at the end of every single day
Yes, I do, I will admire you for all of our eternity
Oo na crush na kita >////////<
185 · May 2018
Truths and Lies
Stephanie May 2018
Going into not so good side
Something to believe, bonafide
Where about's in truths and lies
Does your innocence hides?
If I said, I died, would you believe?
What is truth and what is lie
I died while I'm still alive
This is truth but this is mystery
I played the music of treachery
Left no lyrics to sing
When I won as I am losing
The good in lies
Has been revealed to my eyes
Truths are not truth without it
Lies are made to complete the cycle
You and I, we're the cycle
Between us two,
Who's the lie and who's the true?
Stephanie Feb 2019
one thing that you gave me
the day you took a step back,
is finally the reason for me
to make blink 182's i miss you
as my favorite self-hate song
i hate missing you, love.
184 · Jul 2020
stream folklore
Stephanie Jul 2020
​turned my music volume up
just to find out that
loud is unclear
loud is vague
but loudness screams
what our lips can't
and it satisfies us
we thirst for something
we can't do for ourselves

like loving.
stream folklore by ts hahaha love u tay


Edit: some times will come like tonight, that we find it hard to love ourselves. It scares me when I turn my back against me. And I hope there is always someone who will love me when I can't to do it for myself.
184 · Jan 2018
Living Sanctuary
Stephanie Jan 2018
Hey, mom!
You are the woman
I adore the most
You said I am your treasure
But did I already told
That you are my worth and so
What is treasure without worth?

Daddy!
I am your little angel
And always will be
Even the day I marry
I wanna be called your baby
Your arms are my guide
I just wanna be by your side

What's up, big bro?
Remember the souvenir
You left on my forehead?
Dad almost killed you then, did he?
I'm laughing again
I could clearly remember
More fights than smiles
Yet I know deep inside
We are each other's ally

Every days of my life
I'll thank God
For knitting our paths
As an embroidery of a special love
And it's called family
You are my family;
My beloved;
My living Sanctuary
Just the idea of "family" makes me feel loved. Hope you too. :)
184 · Jan 2018
lost & drowned
Stephanie Jan 2018
If I am to be lost,
I want it to be in your eyes
If I am to be drowned,
I want it to be in your love
You're everything I see
Please, don't rescue me
183 · Dec 2020
xi
Stephanie Dec 2020
xi
She is so fragile that no one can ever touch her soul without leaving a scar
But she would rather choose to be shattered than whole
She's fond of bleeding in love for the sake of affection
Others might think of it as insanity
But is it insanity to crave for the same kind of love she always gives?
If yes then call her crazy and she will pay you with the warmth on her smile
One day will come, when everyone will be so done of her curse
I pray that the queen within her wakes to claim her majesty
She was worthy before she even knew it,
She was lovely before anyone told her so
She is never a curse, but a blessing to this world
Stephanie Apr 2019
My whole life recently
Is just about... Escaping.
From the world that is
Fairly unfair, tricky as always
But here's the saddest part
Of escaping:
The one who was running away
With me,
Is now running away
From me
182 · Apr 2019
I discovered a thing :)
Stephanie Apr 2019
it's about an hour when I decided to write a poem again because
everything feels so wrong but what I've only got now is a wordless draft
on a wet paper



then I discovered a thing....




tears can be a poem too.
having a second thought if I could entitle it 'a liter of poetry'
181 · Nov 2020
How I feel lately
Stephanie Nov 2020
I am not able to cross out
My calendar in the wall anymore
It's been days turned into weeks
I am lost on what date today is
But I prefer no one would tell me
Do not visit my home
I am busy doing nothing and
I don't want to be bothered
I do not know the answer to your
"How are you?" so please
Do not ask that
I am also not asking for advice
Do not tell me what to do,
It just annoys me
My laments are getting scarier each night
I couldn't put into words and can't help it
So I become grumpy and irritated
I wasn't able to take a bathe and I feel, smell and look like a real mess
I am sorry.
I hate to live like this.
I sleep a lot but my body aches
I tend to overeat or to starve
One minute I'm laughing, the next thing is I'm crying
Creepy because there's no trend
Label me crazy but never pity
I don't need sympathy from the same world that cursed me
My flesh was bleeding, but now I'm just waiting for it to scar
I hope it goes like that in my life too.
I hate this, double as I hate myself...
181 · Dec 2020
stay with me
Stephanie Dec 2020
I have this bad habit
--pinching my scars 'til it hurts
Like it was stabbed yesterday
But you were always there
To patch the unseen bleeding
With your gentle, healing hand
And wiped my self-induced tears
You were full of my stains and yet
You were grateful to my art
That's how I know I love you
Not because you healed me,
But because you stayed
And you always do
Thank you for always staying by my side, love.
181 · Oct 2020
woods
Stephanie Oct 2020
Why do you have to leave
Can't you hear my tears echoing,
Bursting when the moon is full
I do not want to be alone
In a cold, dark, scary place
You gave me light
In the morning but
I need it at midnights
In the woods
Sorry.
I am just childish
Because it frightens me
It is killing my soul
181 · Jan 2018
U.N.I.ted
Stephanie Jan 2018
Planet Diversity..
Land of billions of unique beauty
You and me,
Our features vary

Here in Collide city
Explosions are pretty
Colors of vivid personalities
Fits with everyone's qualities

Don't be afraid to be you
You're a wonderful hue!
That completed the universe gorgeous view
Altogether, we can make something new
180 · Jun 2019
why?
Stephanie Jun 2019
aren't we suppose to die once?









I thought I died yesterday but here I am, alive, but dying.

Again.
not to trigger anyone but this is what the poetess feels today.
Stephanie Dec 2020
When I was still in deep pain
I prayed for the aching to stop
And God gave me you
My relief, my joy, my comfort
My love, my everything
My overflowing blessing.
Hi love, you're my 2020's greatest blessing ♡
177 · Dec 2018
his name
Stephanie Dec 2018
his name
isn't funny
or what but
whenever I hear it,






I smile :)
there will always be one person that we'll call a happy pill. God bless their lives.
177 · Dec 2020
Untitled
Stephanie Dec 2020
The foe I hate the most
In nothingness it makes me tremble
My strongest trump card is useless
I have never seen any traces
I have never proven its existence
It knows how to twist my beliefs
Even the memories I hold on to
I hate it because I'm clueless otherwise
Some nights it goes silent,
Then surprise me with a scream
But what scares me the most
Is that I feel it lives from within
and sometimes I just want to **** it
175 · May 2018
Not In Love
Stephanie May 2018
she's wise -
but not in love
harshly aggrieved
badly deprived
gave everything
left with nothing
I told you...
she's wise
but not in love
she cared
but got scarred
she giveaway
but had sent away
she did best
til she became less
I told you
she's wise
but she did it
because she was in love.


she learnt.
better she get wiser
I hope, in love.
Stephanie Jan 2018
Why lies are made to be beautiful?
A question that's left hanging on my soul
Is it a compensation for breaking my heart?
That it's better to see me smile while truth depart

The universe is so sweet
The sky is blue, the sun will lit
You and me in our own fantasy
But I never thought fantasy is also false reality

Remembered our very first "once upon a time"
We keep forcing our poems to rhyme
So we created lines of wonderful memories
One's that we both know never exists

This made me think of something deeper
behind every word is a story of sober
People intend to lie on purpose, do they?
Just like how everyone desires the truth behind "we're okay"
175 · Nov 2018
a girl named melancholy
Stephanie Nov 2018
just when I'm about to take my first step away from you,
from all of the memories we had, there I find Melancholy
she's actually nice, she stayed actually longer than we did
and so she became my best friend
It was so clear that you filled every compartment of my heart
but when we unconsciously cut everything between us off
it withers like the garden flowers under the sovereignty of the master's sun
guess?
Melancholy replaced you completely.
now that she's living in me,
goodbye, former self, call me Melancholy
174 · Aug 2018
Sonnet 003
Stephanie Aug 2018
There's nothing left to wonder about
I've taken up every burdens out
Enough of creating little mysteries
It is just a train of reckless undefined series
Like those of million raging stars at night
Who says that there's no such thing as fright
In a what they've seen as perfect land
I got there and there was no helping hand
Stars look like magical dust in a stunning way
But no one sees that it is dying from lightyears away
Time to wake up, dear pretty little mind
Collect every shining tears to be bind
Reality is always better than dreams
Hard but could get better than it seems
Hmm.
174 · Mar 2019
we're in this together
Stephanie Mar 2019
the point has come
daggers wounding your skin
walls are pressing you in
then music will play victory
good news you wanna hear
are coming, and that's good
but no such feeling could
reach your core and encounter it
-- just pure nothing.
hold on, worry not my dear..

i will lift emptiness with you
173 · Aug 2019
Nothing
Stephanie Aug 2019
Have you ever felt nothing
While carrying so much heaviness
In your heart?
Have you ever said nothing
While having that deep desire to scream out loud
Have you ever understand nothing
Because you are continually hearing everything
That confuses you, your identity, your worth?
Have you ever see nothing
But blurry, shady, foggy made up truths

Wait wait.

Have you ever loved that nothing?

Because I'm starting to.
I think i am nothing today
172 · Sep 2019
Over the years
Stephanie Sep 2019
We're just staying under the same roof
Eating the same foods, sharing the same goods
How about the "how was your day?"
How about the thank you's and I'm sorry
How about the hugs when we fail
How about the forehead kisses when in pain
You all just said I love you when all I want is to feel it
We supposed to be a whole
But over the years, we are just pretending
We are just pieces that has been gathering together
I am sorry, I ran out of adhesive 
Now, I am comfortable to watch us broken.
172 · May 2020
nothing is too much
Stephanie May 2020
too relaxing but i can't sleep
this silence is sinking me deep
I smiled at the sky before i weep
Save me by not saving me.
171 · Jan 2018
Locked
Stephanie Jan 2018
Everything so nice

Is untrue in my eyes

Am I blind?

Can't see the goodness behind


I'm a fool to believed

But it's better to be fool than to leave

The wonderland of our dreams

Where faded memories screams
170 · Feb 2020
To live is exhausting
Stephanie Feb 2020
Sad to think that we are all tired souls
We run fast to fulfill all our roles
And I, in a cycle of hurry,
The world wouldn't stop to wait for me
All the wounds I've got is excruciating
Yet my feet's programmed to keep walking
Lost on my way are the hopes and dreams
Conquered by silent defeaning screams...
In a world where your best is always less
Yes, we're all tired souls, I want my rest.
170 · Nov 2018
what feels like home
Stephanie Nov 2018
what feels like home
is remembering the taste of morning breakfast
while the sun is still sleeping
and the coffee beans smells so fresh
it is the wake up time and how
you loved to stay in bed for five more minutes
when mom yells at me for not
cleaning the sink properly;
it is waiting up for dad to come home
waiting for his hugs and chocolates;
it is when dad back hugs mom while she was busy
and I'll laugh coz I think its funny because she'll complain;
it is when brother is extremely mad at me
after being caught of playing his electric guitar
it is when the doggos are playing with us
in the middle of the night while the tv is on
what feels like home are simple little things
that made us want to go home
instead of finding reasons to escape
I'm coming back to the same house everyday
but still I miss to feel what true home is...
169 · Jul 2020
Haven
Stephanie Jul 2020
I want to hear the screaming voices
That keeps your lips in dull silence
I want to witness the waves of devastating sadness
Behind your perfected calmness

Show me the way to your chaos and calamity
You are the only tragedy that I find worthy;
The only misery that brings serenity
Do not hide your scars, it makes you lovely

We are all wildfires sometimes that needs to burn
Put your rage in me and let me learn
How to be your furnace and when to return
The atmosphere of affection that you yearn

For whenever the darkness haunts to visit your night
I'll guard you to sleep and be your light
167 · Jan 2018
It is You
Stephanie Jan 2018
It Is You


You stand tall, handsome and confident today
A sweet smile on your face lasts along the way
You walk straight and take a step closer and closer to her
I've figured it out, because with her belongs your heart

Every smiles you shared together,
Is a treasure you kept in your heart forever
Thinking that this girl is the one you will marry
and you'll be sharing home and a life so merry

Everything look so perfect, right?
You always make sure that she's more than happy and alright
Because her happiness is your happiness
and to be loved by her love is your greatest success

She looks so stunning in that floral dress
Matched with the morning sunrise fresh,
You wonder how she can easily takes your breathe
You will hold her hand and your day was complete

It is going so romantic in the midst of sunset
with the both of you, savoring every moment
the birds will sang beautiful love songs in chorus
Lost in each other's bright brown eyes but still in focus

When everything looks perfect, there comes a disaster
The calm sunset clouds turned into a gray monster
What is this turn of events? she will run away
Away from her superhero, from you she went astray

They said, love moves in mysterious way
But then it is more mysterious why love has to break
Your heart that once full of love screams her name
While you left there with stains of tears hoping that she'll came

How many days and nights will passed
Why are you still looking behind what is past
The sunrise and sunsets you treasured are gone
But your heart still beats for the girl you used to call "the one"

It is very different and strange this morning
That you woke up today without her "good morning!"
And you are now become a stranger,
trying to know your identity without her

You realized that you don't have a broken heart or probably just miss her kisses
You realized that you have a broken self shattered into million pieces
But then you did your best to pretend and convince yourself
When the totality of you still screams her name and you pretend to be deaf

How many months and seasons will passed
Why are you still looking behind what is past
You've unconsciously search for the answer
But it just end up thinking that you will always love her

The truth you will never knew is right in front of you
Because if there's one who love more, it is you
Because if there's one who gave it all, it is you
Because if there's one who sacrificed the most, it is you

The one who loves more is the one who has the most pain
The one who gave it all is the one that nothing gains
The one who sacrifice the most is the one who left in blue
And that one is no other than you
I've written this to be dedicated to those who loved, but didn't get their happy endings.
167 · Dec 2020
it is always you
Stephanie Dec 2020
It is you that I think of when I'm sad
It is you I that think of when I'm glad
It is you that I want to be with in my winning
It is you that I want to be with in my falling
You are mine and I am yours. I will never ever let you go :p
166 · Jan 2019
missing you
Stephanie Jan 2019
I hate the nights
when I'm missing you
and can't do anything
to hold you, to tell you
how much I really do
I just miss you
and can't help but cry over it
til it brings me to sleep
I used to love it
there's no pain when sleeping
but tonight, I found you there
and it's not a dream anymore
but a nightmare
of how you still
push me away in other world
but what I hate the most
are the sudden wake up's
when it's dawn, cold and lonely
then reality will remind me
my nightmares are reality
i miss you
165 · Jul 2018
When Tears are Gone
Stephanie Jul 2018
When tears has gone
It meant something
That someone had wiped it
Vanished the sadness astray
Relieved the pain away
Vibrance will be the same
And sunshine would came
Beginning starts at the end
Of yesterday's dark clouds
Because tears are gone
But another rainy day will come
And how to keep calm
If thunders are inside the roof
And how to be happy when
The tears are pouring again
Louder than thunders
Heavier than hurricanes
And the one who wipes it out
Is now the reason why it fell to the ground
When sunshine is there,
It isn't there forever
When tears are gone
It isn't gone forever.
*sighs*
164 · Nov 2019
Haiku no. 2
Stephanie Nov 2019
We are wild foxes
Fired on us, been gunshot thrice
But we're bulletproof
164 · Nov 2019
I am the Queen
Stephanie Nov 2019
With its strong, high walls
​I will rebuild my castle
No thief could enter
162 · Feb 2019
S U N S E T
Stephanie Feb 2019
The sun knocks on my heart
Where there it sets and I am relieved
I smiled because I knew my sun
Its sunrays are enough to recharge me
Its calming radiance never refuse
To wipe my tears when the pain comes
Its warmth is enough to defeat coldness of any kind
It is when the night shall enter
Grim darkness is ready to clothe my universe
The sunset in me will glow still
-- an everlasting blythe
Enough to lighten up others' too
162 · Oct 2020
Forever
Stephanie Oct 2020
as my day is drawing near
all I wanted is to be one
with the air you breathe
be one with the summer skies
that everyone loves to see
and be one with the ocean,
the surface level that shimmers
in the sunset
-- soothing and calming

i don't want to be one with my storms anymore
in which you shivers and curse
if all I was emitting is a loud, frightening thunder
i don't want to be heard anymore

if remembering me would bring pain and bitterness,
i don't want to be remembered anymore

i would rather be unheard and forgotten


forever.
162 · Dec 2020
she is
Stephanie Dec 2020
she is nothing but a coward cry baby
for those who never witnessed her bravery
she is nothing but a burden
for those who do not pay attention to her soul
she is nothing but an anxious, ill woman
for those who has no intentions of knowing why
but she will continue to blossom
for those who believe that she is always worthy
she will continue to add some array of light
for those who hoped for her when she was hopeless
she will continue to believe that joy is real
for those who never leave her side when she was grieving
and she will continue to be a soothing kind of blessing
for those who prayed to receive a blessing like her
162 · Oct 2020
Untitled
Stephanie Oct 2020
My lucifer is lonely
161 · May 2020
Sleep
Stephanie May 2020
How many dives
Into the memory lane
Should I take
Just to finally
Fall asleep. 🙃
160 · Aug 2019
Wordless
Stephanie Aug 2019
Wordless is when my mind is full of unnecessary thoughts,
Goosebumps run down to my spine yet still numb
Tears-free eyes are the worst
It shines but it means collision of doubts and self hate
Sometimes i just dont like me :)
If others do the same, i'll understand
Wordless is when I can put these into poetry but will remain void
For it will never be heard and
I will never be heard
I am the noise that nobody wants
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