I see you there
suspended for a time
between the shadow
and the light.
You look pale
but peaceful,
in a dream state.
I rest awhile,
a shallow sleep,
then I awake
knowing…
without words
my mind whispers
it’s time
I gently wipe your lips,
brush a stray hair
from your forehead.
It’s all I know to do.
Then I sing
a cherished lullaby
hoping you hear me
hoping it wraps you in love
as my arms wrapped
around you
as a child.
I hold your hand,
kiss your forehead.
In that instant I see
and feel all you’ve been
all that is you
tiny wrinkled infant
delightful, smiling six-month old
curious toddler
proud school age
struggling teen
loving adult
realizing
we're losing all of these,
all that you've been
all that is you
then
I feel your spirit leave…
for that brief moment
I’m overcome with a calm
I can’t describe.
A gift rare and precious –
as I was there
when you entered the world
I was with you
when you left.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The butterfly counts not months but moments and has time enough."
Rabinadrath Tagore
We lost our son to a brain tumor. He fought bravely and determinedly for seven years, enduring two surgeries, radiation, Gamma knife "surgery", chemotherapy and clinical trials. He never lost his sunny smile or determination. He only let go when he knew it was time, slipping into unconsciousness shortly after his two brothers (his best friends) arrived to say goodbye. He remained in that suspended state for two days. On the third day the four of us gathered for dinner and shared thoughts about him and our life with him. We cried, we laughed, we shared memories. Later that night he let go. I will always believe, being the caring and generous person he was, that he heard us talking and knew that, as hard as it would be, we would be okay.