Talk to me about finding happiness
When you've got nothing else to eat
Talk to me about choosing to smile
When you're losing every mile
Grinding and unwinding
By the skin of your ***** teeth

Talk to me about working full time
When no money is made
And forget getting laid!
Talk to me about exercise
When the rest of your life
Is spent inside all day

Talk to me about making decisions
When your various synonyms
Mean little to nothing
Creating minimal difference
Literally it's the victim learning
To step outside of the prison box
Listening to your inhibitions
While filling your mind with self-talk

The waking life of daily decisions
How you can verse them
Rehearse them
And then learn with precision
How to carefully
Collectively craft
Your very own vision

But the minimum preliminary basis
Is that you have to be free
You can't be stuck in a cage unheard
Left with nothing further to be
You can't be three fingers short
Pretending the keys that you see
Aren't dangling from an olive branch
That's just out of reach
The very notion loses motion perpetually
Until you're all alone in the ocean
Perceptually

Eventually when you're banned
And barred and feeling diseased
There's only two ways to return
Time and terminally
So don't look to me
Wondering why I'm stuck in a ditch
When you're the one that can leave
You delusional *****

I live for revenge
I think that you're passionate
Convinced that I'm already dead
Lavish and debonair
I'm in debt to the devil
For sleeping in His bed
Your impeccable guile
Compliments your style, mon frere
It's signed in fine print
From blood that was shed
Clever opponents notice fault
By words that they said
The shell of my former self
Now resides in my head
But there's no truth to the rumors
In fact, you're my favorite undead!

All that's left to cleanse my plate
To feed my greed driven palate
It's as though bountiful boisterous
oysters flood the palms of your hands
Is the life of sin reflecting this malice
You've got a natural talent
Filling my cup with fresh debauchery
In return for empty, eternal youth
Sometimes God has mastered His plan
And infernal immortality

There's no glory
To the story of Dorian Gray
You lack a certain pride
Replacing a soul for a void
An earthly presence inside
An endless hole for a voice
The essence to express yourself
With nothing to hide
An eternally bending road taken by choice
I can't decide if you were blessed
Or just took the lesser divide

For I touch those that I love with lust
All I know is when I look in your eyes
The left hand reaches, covered in dust
I'm taken for a ride
The rusty right preaches and rushes
We're so close even though
There hasn't been much time
Boasting dangerous anger
Strangely deranged
From making better strangers
Out of envious pushes
And I hope to know you better
But it's though you're never mine...

I sold my soul for no recourse
The door is closed
The window shut
The home divorced
The deal was wrong
The girl is gone
She left me short
So run along, you best be on
It won't be long
I'm after yours

You were a fresh breath of sunshine
To subside the clouds and fog
Cluttering up another day in my mind
The careful charisma
Carried by your charming smile
Very well may have saved my life
I'd like to take time to properly thank you

Offering my small words as tribute
In exchange for the large favor
You aren't even aware you've given me
I can assure that it's there
It's in the air of your inquisitive nature
That caught me by surprise
As I casually discussed my dreams
Because they've already died
You stood there beaming
Leaving me to question your intentions
As is my modus operandi

And yet you pressed on singing along
While I grew anxious of how long
I'd been standing in line
I studied your face for a hint or a trace
Of some ulterior motive or priority
Pertaining to the duties of a service soul
Yet there was nothing to find

No designs or crafts aft of the smile
Behind your eyes
As you took my hand and said goodbye
That you were happy to meet me
Hoping to greet me again next time
I decided then and there a firm resolve
To not let my mind spoil or absolve
The innocent felicity
Or serendipity of simply meeting you
with love.
Tiana-Kai

Even through this screen
she manages to strike me
Her side glances and careful words
Delighting my fantasy
While saying my name again
Inviting me with the wisps
of her pixelated hands

As if tracing lines in sand
Would bring me closer
I long to compose the words to create
That shy glance on your face
I'm always receiving through the glass
The truth is you could say anything new
And I'd still be the same old mess

Fighting to control my beating heart
and lack of breath
Because I have panic attacks
And I miss you just the same
And I play dumb when you won't say it
I act surprised because
I can't compensate it
Constantly in denial when I contemplate for too long

So instead I'll sing you a song
I'll keep it short and sweet
Rather than taking so long
Because darlin', you could
Say anything
Say anything
And I'd be happy again

Because sometimes I lose sleep
While I'm too busy listening on repeat
To the music that's always reminding me
Of the night she closed her eyes
And rested her feet on my thighs
While the rest of the world was dead
We were lying together in her hospital bed

I'm fighting to control my beating heart and lack of breath
Because I have panic attacks
And I miss you just the same
But I play dumb when you can't say it
I might act surprised because I can't compensate it
I'm constantly in denial when I...
Contemplate for far too long

So instead I'll sing you a song
I'll keep it short and sweet
Rather than have it lasting just too long
Because darlin', you could
Say anything
Say anything
And I'd be happy again

So I'll sing you this song

I'll keep it short and sweet
Rather than taking so long
Because darlin', you could
Say anything
Say anything
And I'd be happy again

No one has ever taken a chance with me
Some have danced with me
But most are quick to be real slick
And change their stance with me
Fake people making noise
And playing games
Calling names, pointing fingers
And placing blame

Little realize
While they're fixed on displacing shame
All this nonsense stays constantly
Suspended through my veins

They burst open with the worst notions Contorted emotions to mass explosions
Like mixing large proportions of gasoline
Fire driven moths-to-flames

And my response is to conjure
Create, contemplate, and maintain
So please run along and carry on
Like you never knew my name
Because saying it will curse you
When you mention it in vain

Don't react or erupt like 'this' was abrupt When you never said 'this' to my face
Don't act surprised or try to hide it
Like you missed it or tried to fight it
Like you have any right to deny it
Now that you've finally been erased

I'm tired of all the back-thens
And back-whens
You're a has-been, and I'm laughing

Coming out of the woodwork
Some leaving without a trace
Like a blank space could ever replace
Everything you didn't make work

In the end we didn't mend
So I guess I wasn't worth it
At best we could jest, try to forget
Let's say that I deserve it
I wasn't perfect and then again
I'm not a ******* servant

Should I reword it?
Use different verbage?
Change my perspective respective
Of your verdict on the time spent?
I wouldn't know
Because you never showed
And I'm too busy living in ('this') moment

Step up on stage
And undress for a second
As I exsanguinate your flesh
Just to let you know that you're rejected
Then I'll bend you over
Slit you open
And let your entrails leave
Like a funfetti stream
That you try to chase
But just can't reach

The only problem that I've got with you
Is that you're not dead
When I've beaten the side
Of your head with this hammer
Until it turned red (you know)
From all the bloodshed

Shattered your skull to open a hole
So wide you could reach inside
With chopsticks like a ramen bowl
Removed all the lies like Pinnochio's nose Then I got my real vice
You could call it the main course

As you slumped over
And heard my footsteps retreating
I'd be more focused on checking
If your heart's still beating
It's not deceiving
That you were begging for your life
But you knew I had a surprise in store
When you opted for the knife

I'm at the borderline
Between suicide and anger
Rage fills my veins
Until pain displaces hate
With fate sometimes interlaced

The confines of closed doors
And shattered dreams
Bringing memories and stinging lies
Behind my eyes
Before I sleep

Thoughts are cheap
And each preaching adamant to proclaim
That nothing can tame the victim
Or hero placed inside my shame

Can't maintain
In fact I'm barely surviving
I used to have epiphanies
But now there's only whisperings
Of how I'm dying