No one has ever taken a chance with me
Some have danced with me
But most are quick to be real slick
And change their stance with me
Fake people making noise
And playing games
Calling names, pointing fingers
And placing blame

Little realize
While they're fixed on displacing shame
All this nonsense stays constantly
Suspended through my veins

They burst open with the worst notions Contorted emotions to mass explosions
Like mixing large proportions of gasoline
Fire driven moths-to-flames

And my response is to conjure
Create, contemplate, and maintain
So please run along and carry on
Like you never knew my name
Because saying it will curse you
When you mention it in vain

Don't react or erupt like 'this' was abrupt When you never said 'this' to my face
Don't act surprised or try to hide it
Like you missed it or tried to fight it
Like you have any right to deny it
Now that you've finally been erased

I'm tired of all the back-thens
And back-whens
You're a has-been, and I'm laughing

Coming out of the woodwork
Some leaving without a trace
Like a blank space could ever replace
Everything you didn't make work

In the end we didn't mend
So I guess I wasn't worth it
At best we could jest, try to forget
Let's say that I deserve it
I wasn't perfect and then again
I'm not a ******* servant

Should I reword it?
Use different verbage?
Change my perspective respective
Of your verdict on the time spent?
I wouldn't know
Because you never showed
And I'm too busy living in ('this') moment

Step up on stage
And undress for a second
As I exsanguinate your flesh
Just to let you know that you're rejected
Then I'll bend you over
Slit you open
And let your entrails leave
Like a funfetti stream
That you try to chase
But just can't reach

The only problem that I've got with you
Is that you're not dead
When I've beaten the side
Of your head with this hammer
Until it turned red (you know)
From all the bloodshed

Shattered your skull to open a hole
So wide you could reach inside
With chopsticks like a ramen bowl
Removed all the lies like Pinnochio's nose Then I got my real vice
You could call it the main course

As you slumped over
And heard my footsteps retreating
I'd be more focused on checking
If your heart's still beating
It's not deceiving
That you were begging for your life
But you knew I had a surprise in store
When you opted for the knife

I'm at the borderline
Between suicide and anger
Rage fills my veins
Until pain displaces hate
With fate sometimes interlaced

The confines of closed doors
And shattered dreams
Bringing memories and stinging lies
Behind my eyes
Before I sleep

Thoughts are cheap
And each preaching adamant to proclaim
That nothing can tame the victim
Or hero placed inside my shame

Can't maintain
In fact I'm barely surviving
I used to have epiphanies
But now there's only whisperings
Of how I'm dying

There's no honor in this service
It's a ******* circus
Clowns running around with spitting wires And loose circuits
Power trips hungry like sharks in a lake
But these big fish demonstrate
Their "authority"
More like lobsters in a tank

Don't talk to me like you know
What honor means
When the value is lost
It is simply a traditional proclivity
Duty means showing up on time
Fully pressed and clean
When the pretense you must respect
Is history

I get there are brave men who died in uniform
But for most of us it's living life dying
In the perfect storm

I've got three friends who turned out dead Who didn't fight in a war
Aside from the one inside their head

People throw around time
Like it means nothing
Saying in three years it'll be fine
And then you can be something
But I'm perfectly aware of my capabilities
It's only the needless restrictions
Working circles to nowhere
They call it Liberty

Pushing down every last reaction
Until I'm not a person anymore
Just a part of the faction to shut me up
And close the door
Thank me for my service
Or just shame me for the benefits
But you do not get to blame me
For not receiving this as Genesis

I hold my breath, say a prayer
And roll the dice
And that's the rat race anyone serving
Knows as military life

May 23rd, 2019

I first felt the ferrous fissures
Delivering shivering quivers
Down my spine
As each chime took the sight
Outside our present days

Then the shakes grew into tension
My naked, sobering suspension
Was left never to mention
Nor whisper what I needed to say

And when I asked you of this
You withdrew so quick
I only had time to trace the lines
Of your last escaping shadow

Holding on to tentative strings
And all the small things
You left for me to find
The same gray forests of signs
And plaintive silent ways

Designs you used to craft
And convey with clever ease
Laughter once beseeching my thoughts
Silence now haunting my dreams
These memories are now
Presently looming
Cold coniferous trees

It's not as if I can pretend
Like simply taking paper and pen
Could possibly remedy this
While I have to look down
At the ink staining my foot
Ankle and wrist

I'm convinced that I created this fate
Because in this picture frame
I'm the only one who made a mistake

You carry the hate in your heart
like it's been privileged to you

My misgivings have adopted
the persona that I imbue

I faced the other way as we faded
when you withdrew

You suffered daily
and faced this struggle alone

Claiming everybody abandoned you
and did you wrong

-But you don't lose me
Like I've told you all along


RE: August 23rd, 2021: - but now you've lost Me with the same old song

You're a mean one
Mr. *****
You really are an eel
You're as affable as cancer
And your laughter doesn't stick
Mr *****
*****
You're a two bit phony
One trick pony with...
Little to no *** appeal!

You're a shyster
Mr. *****
Your mark's a hallow roll
Your game is pulling wires
Framing "liars" is your goal
Mr *****
*****
You have all the elusive fleeting of a
twice repeating
CEO board meeting!

You're a sly one
Mr. *****
You have silver on your teeth
You have all the slender slickness
Characteristics of deceit
Mr *****
*****!!!

Given the choice between you and cancer it may take me a while to answer but I think that I would rather take my chances with the....
TERMINAL LIFESTYLE!!!!!!

You wish for me to put in words
What I have to say
Like the answers that I've given
On their own
Could never relay
They come and go
Touch on fate
Dissipate and replicate
The disingenuous nature
That you frequently necessitate

Extend your olive branch
Then act like you feed me
When the branches are famished
Needy, condescending and deceiving Conceiving that I'm the villain
When I don't respond to how you react
Like you could perpetuate in me
The supposition for your tact

The fact that you lack any original clarity
Is the reason I'd never reach to you
Like I was Seraphim
The simple reason
That I'm writing all of this
Is simply just to prove to you
That I don't have to convince
I don't have to persist
Rehash, then reminisce
Like treading through faded memories with you
Will satiate my daily fix

I resist
Because I know exactly where I'm headed And you insist because that truth
Is what keeps us separate

Every second
You playcate on a pretense
When your intentions are crystal clear
And I can't provide that service
Or serve that purpose
While I'm standing here

To be perfectly honest
I never promised you anything
All I did was sigh and reply
To how your heart would so readily sing
Then you project your insecurities
Directly to my face
As if I was the one who gave them rise
Within the first place

Protecting your manipulations
While contemplating your motives
Are exactly the reasons we're done
Before we even started
I'm sick of being a punching bag
For someone acting devoted

And now it's been denoted
I've written you off, this story is done
This time you're in the subject line
Because you are truly NOT the one