Would you stop abusing the world I Love You.
It doesnt mean anything to me anymore.
I dont believe in love. After all, everything nice and happy in the beginning will eventually fade and only sadness will fill in those spaces.
Why waste those three effortless words when in reality its taken for granted.
I don't want to hear those three words not unless you can define it without an explanation nor without saying it.
Please stop this infectious spread of I love You if you don't carry a permanent everlasting meaning to it.

I'm on the wrong timeline-
For I wanted to be on the one
Where we existed
Where we still had fun.
Where I became your husband
And you gave me a son.

"What do I do?"
"Go."
"But what if I'm rejected"
"Time waits for no one..."

I watch you watch me gliding by
Your joy worn on your sleeve
You hold me close, meld into me
My frayed veins you deftly weave.

A creeping line across an egg
Your face cracks into a smile
As silver syrup of moonlight seeps
Beem from your eyes, beguile.

I watch you pour love into me
Drops wetting parched dry heart
Words of satin, silken smooth
Bathe my restless wounds in art.

I believe that you ache when I ache
Edge of your world starts crumpling in
But tall you stand, hands on my ears
Muting out my shrieking din.

I believe you when you say you'll stay
Through my journey fraught with blades
Strong grip steadies my perilous walk
Gnashing jaws 'neath tightrope fades.

You shield yourself with arms aflexed
Marked with scars of self defense
Yet you kiss my Jekyll and my Hyde
You bore through my vile pretence.

I know not how our tale will end
The greys fragment into more shades
Know that your marrow fills my bones
You're the reason my life still parades.

I want you to want me.
With raw, unweavering power, I want you to want me.
I want my scent, my voice, to dance whimsically into your senses.
I want my face, my body, to creep into your memories.
I want you to want me as if your very life is dependant upon my touch.
I want you to want me as if you were addicted to the taste of my lips.
I want you to want me in the way that I'm always wanting you.
I want you to want me in the way that I never stop thinking about you.
I want you to want me with a  passion that burns hotter than hellfire itself.
I want you to want me with needs more intense than the wind and rain that falls from the heavans.
I want you to want me.

Little inexperienced girl
Wanted to eat the world
But it swallowed her whole
It won't return her
Until she's nothing but bones

that feeling in the pit of your stomach as you raise your eyes to look at them, it's lethal

my love is like poison and the second upon exposure i'm left vulnerable but you're left affected forever, one step forward, a single blow to the lips and he has to open his eyes to see her face and remember this is real, she is real

it won't be movie love, it will be real love, and for that you must be warned - do not engage if you don't want after-*** cuddles and life contemplations, hot chocolate runs and holding hands without gloves since the heat from your hands are enough to warm the lack of oxygen reaching mine, late night laughter and cheesy dancing

do not engage if you don't want to let yourself fall in love, because it will happen slowly and if you realise when it's too late that you need to back out you need to know that like a bee who stings and dies, pushing me away from you after i've loved will cause me to be crippled not only by the weight of the falseness that i've been living in, but also the dense, crushing weight of my own love, of the letters and the kisses and the laughter

if you see me contemplate running after you when we say goodbye because i've always had a fear of departure, if you see my eyes light up when you walk into a room with an expression that can only be described as warmth and admiration, if you see my hand slowly make its way to yours in a desire to be held and comforted, if you see me love completely, depressingly, you need to stop me, because i'm warning you that if you don't i will get hurt and the pain of being locked out of my life forever will hurt you more in the months proceeding than it will hurt me as i learn to build myself up again for somebody else

you can fall in love with my lips, my humour, my dresses, my laughter, my smile, the emptiness of my eyes, the constant fear, the happiness when food comes, and anything else and everything else - but please, remember that it's lethal

it's lethal to love and to be loved, but it's the best poison i've ever really known

in the end, it doesn't matter. it'll always be the memory of the one who got away that clouds your judgement and ruins your conscience. the one who destroyed the word love for you. the one who made everyone else meaningless.
as dreadful as it sounds, you crave that hurt because it's so much better than feeling nothing at all. even though, you cry yourself to sleep and try to numb the pain in any way you can. you want to feel, then you long for the numbness that leaves you when you do. -hvj