From this point on
we won't speak again
our eyes dancing across one another-
a distant memory

we won't race
our legs grazing one another-
a feeling so far away

from this point on
I am numb

mornings I will spend
tracing the wall
catching each crack beneath my fingertips,
pondering
how the sunbeams seem to flow over each one

and if a tear falls down my cheek
I'll blame it on the dust
because I'm alone
and I'm perfectly *fine

Heart pounding,
Mental sirens sounding

I want my brain to numb,
But I don't drink ***

Chest lurch,
Screams go unheard

The tornado in my head swirls,
It wrecks my dreams and hopes

I try to cover my ears,
Replying with a 'nope'

I am refused,
It doesn't stop,
Wrecking,
Wrecking
Wrecking
Screaming
Shouting
Ruining

Out­side I nervously tap my pen,
Putting on a brave face,
breathing in deep

The monster in my ribcage
Is trying to claw her way out
again
Carelessly crashing against my heart
Denting it, scratching it, breaking it
again
I didn't ask for a demon
But it's not like she wants me
alive
How does the darkness in my mind
Make its way to my chest to
abuse
In a room full of people
She always makes me feel
alone
Gripping my heart and haunting my mind
Images of dying
alone
And I guess it's no wonder
I always find drugs to
abuse
Please never ask me
If I really want to be
alive
She controls me
Shaking my bones
again
Call her a disease, call her a monster
She owns me
again

What if tomorrow I wake
...and I don't feel anything.

Today I lost my sanity.
But tonight gained my wings.

Anxiety
Controlling my everyday life
Anxiety
Taking my heart and throwing it against the wall
Anxiety
Wrapping around in my head to consume my thoughts
Anxiety
Crying and screaming against my throat
Anxiety
Crashing and thrashing its way into my body making me shudder
When theres a knock at the door
Anxiety
Lighting fires to my insides
Anxiety
Making my hands shake so someone will notice im unbalanced
Anxiety