For a long time, I’ve had a fear of writing poetry.
A weird fear, I know.
But when you’re as self-conscious, anxious, and self-deprecating as me, you’ll find that it’s hard to voice… just about anything.
You see, I would never raise my hand in class, because what if I was wrong?
I would never sign up for weights, because what if I’m not that strong?
That pretty girl in class? Don’t even dream about it.
If you ask for her number, she’ll leave you without it.
She’ll think you’re weird, creepy, or even ugly.
That is why I stayed away from poetry.
What if what I have to say is not all that important?
What if what I write is bad, boring, or people find it abhorrent?
So I stayed away from it.
I kept everything I wanted to say bottled up inside.
Until one day, I sat.
And I cried.
I wondered to myself
What went wrong in my life?
Why am I the way I am?
How can I fix myself?
What is my plan?
It all started with typing.
And even though I’m still an anxious wreck
Aren’t you reading my writing?
She used her skin as a canvas
She didn't want to be on this planet
Her emotions were void
Her heart was destroyed
If only I knew she had planned it
I feel like a ghost walking around unseen
in the backdrops of these other happy lives
I feel like I'm trapped in a ravine
in a darkness that never leaves
I'm anything but
Smiling since you've left
It's hard to catch me
With tears in my eyes
Every night I sleep,
I am totally fine
It'd be a lie if I said
I think about you all the time
This has a totally different meaning when read backwards. Representing both an external facade and inner turmoil
Tell me you love me
It's all that which I desire
It's all that I need
*Set me free
All I see is your face
I spend hours pondering what to write you
Have I been replaced?
Do you miss me too?
Do you remember how much I love the color blue?
Or have you simply forgotten
Forgotten all of these trivial things
Because I remember everything.
I remember how much you love the show skins
And how you would always tell me about it
I remember the day you got your permit
How could I forget?
You were so nervous
But I knew you could do it
I remember your birthday
I remember that your mom was a nurse
Your eyes are a beautiful brown
You have a scar above your lip
Oh goodness, how could I ever forget?
You love to act, model, and use your brain
You're so ******* smart
And I've always seen you to be so brave
You're so beautiful
And I miss you dearly
I can picture you so clearly
Please tell me you can do the same?
Because not a day goes by where I don't think of your name
I never send you these letters