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 Jan 2019 CE Green
JJ Hutton
I'm on the way,
if you take the long way,
past the Arlington Cemetary,
where the babies of the
influenza epidemic do sleep,
down from the ancient cedars
and the ruins of the Winchester Bank
established in 1908.

I'm on the way,
if you take the long way,
past the snaking and rusting
barbed wire of the Scott Place,
where my father chopped cotton
and his father died under the weight
of a fallen log and his father died
to the backfire of a shotgun.

I'm on the way,
if you take the long way,
past the Cimarron River and idle wheat fields,
where my mother once watched the dust
roll in and the money blow away,
down from the birthplace of
a serial killer you've heard about,
down from a quiet, flybuzz pace
that so often inspires rage.
 Jan 2019 CE Green
Akemi
light barred
through your drifting reach
i’m trying and trying and ******* up

if i could
i’d take in all your frailties
and break

but things would only get worse
 Jan 2019 CE Green
chichee
Rewired
 Jan 2019 CE Green
chichee
I'm reading a step-by-step manual on
how to love yourself again.
'Cause although fundamentals may be philosophy,
Rewiring is all physics baby.
We all need a reason to escape gravity
and plunge ourselves out of orbit.
Self-sacrifice isn't worth ****
if you're wired for it.
To stand on the edge of a tall building and
think of jumping.
Inertia and hysteria.
The magnetic pull of your body to the ground.
To return back to dust.
Loving myself is
a little bit like that.
Schrodinger's cat lives, Schrodinger's cat dies, but you never know unless you open the lid.
 Jan 2019 CE Green
Akemi
there’s a gulf
how i mistook it
eyes turned
you lost in that cruelty
if only for a moment.
how pathetic and petty and wretched

to close my eyes in the light of gentleness
 Jan 2019 CE Green
Akemi
infantile death spectrum
blood is litter is
carry on and other unassailable tears
wretched vacuous laughter
the open infinite connect
i choke and choke and choke
and nothing sits right

some eyes hold myths deeper than god

i'm afraid
would you expect otherwise?

petty indifferent me
 Jan 2019 CE Green
JJ Hutton
1

You will avoid overcomplimenting. Stick to phrases
eeked of desire—smart blouse, handsome family.

You will find a chair. Tilt your head until you've
found the ceiling. Let discomfort loom. Let her speak.

Don't respond right away. Make her second guess her words.
Let her try to ramble out of it on a macro level. Let her dwell
on the micro miscalculations in silence.

Give it some time. Respond.
But calibrate. Be indirect, detached. "I'm here, aren't I?"

2

Don't encourage sentimentality or nostalgia.

When she brings up the early days—and she'll bring up the early days—remind her of your many failures in kindness.

The time she called from the psych ward and you told her you were busy should work. Or when you made her walk home after
the big fight. Or when you introduced her as a friend.

3

Here, she'll take your hand and guide it along her soft features.

Oblige.

Focus on the way you take her in. Give her a jagged gaze.
Don't relent.

Undress yourself. Do this without intro or segue or ceremony.

Comment on her alkaline and citrus taste. Drift five feet above yourself and watch it happen.

4

Laying tangled in the aftermath of blankets and sheets, ask her
about her husband.

Ask her about her drinking.

Ask her about her son's new school.

Ask her about her prescriptions, the side effects.

5

Take the long way home. Grab the brown belt to go with the brown shoes. Drink water. Lots of water. Eggs, not cereal.

Show up early to work. Appear eager and sincere in your every
task.

Blend.
I have no purpose any more.
I’m a painter who’s gone blind
And a singer who’s gone deaf.
There is no call for what I sell.

I still daub colors on a board
To smell the Linseed Oil again
I hear the music in my head
And mouth the words in silence.

There is no surgery or cure,
What’s gone is lost forever.
And I must find a way to live
In silent darkness, if I can.
ljm
Retirement will never be for me.  Even a short break is painful.
It isn’t going to happen -
Putting pen to paper
Will not make it real.
When dreams are made
From bubble gum
They pop and splatter
On your face
Leaving you with
Sticky goo that
Only washes off
Wth tears.

You cannot
Make it work.
Like stacking marbles
Or bowling *****.
No matter how gingerly
You place them
They will come down
And roll away,
Sending you
In all directions
In vain attempt
To gather them
Back up again.

A rose can’t change
Its color.
All the nurture,
Food and care
Can’t make a
White one
Bloom as red.
Some things
Are just beyond
The scope of effort,
Pain and love.
They must be the color
Soil and seed
Intended for them
All along.

How sad,
Impossibilities
That stack like
Concrete blocks
And form
A wall
Across the path
You thought would
Take you there,
Stranding you
On the wrong side
With naught but
Bubble gum and
Bowling *****, while
Crying on white roses
ljm
Sometimes the star is just too far.
 Jan 2019 CE Green
Devin Ortiz
The white sea was vast. In total contradiction,
to all reason, it seemed to dwarf the blue sky below.
Currents of clouds bubbled and spewed, while others tore away in violent serenity.
It was an ocean of heaven's dreams.
The travelers set upon the white, leaving small earth behind.
As they ascended into the clouded sea,
all thoughts of land had escaped them.
Slowly, the pepples and grains which had become markers of memories and time, faded away into some distant place.
The white sea was more than a physical place, it too was like a drug.
It stole away all reason, it lies like a brilliant poison in the body, hidden and lethal.
It was ecstacy and it was death,
but above all else it was beautiful.
 Jan 2019 CE Green
Devin Ortiz
As the writer wore away page after page,
a swelling of maddening frustration grew.
The parchment soaked in the dark ink,
and pockets of hell seeped through each word.
There is desperate power in written verse;
They know this, yet the pen rages onward.
The writer pays this debt in full,
in flesh and blood, as one does.
Stories must be told, the price is high,
but silence cost ever more.
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