Addiction
     never ends,
          temptation and sin.

Consumption,
     and then I’m lost.

Drowning,
     floundering,
          gasping for air.

Count the days
     until I feel alright again.

But my addiction
     betrays me
          and with one glance
               at a shard of glass
                    I relapse.
23 times—
     a redemption to make up for
          time lost.

I think something went wrong when I was made
like God skipped a stitch and left
part of me gaping open and
when I was eight I found that thread and out of
sophomoric curiosity I started tugging
look at me now
a mess of tattered strips of fabric
all tangled up in the thread
that was supposed to hold me together
and sometimes I get it in my head
that someone will come along and
fix me
but that's never quite how it seems to work
because I was sick the day
everyone else got scissors
and so when I expect affection
I get rejection
and the cold snip, snip, snip
of the parts of me they want to take
and now there's not much left
underneath the pretty face
just tangled thread
and a graveyard of a heartbeat

There are some things
I don't think I'll
ever tell you:
like how I
shook
on the bus ride here
and planned my outfit
five days in
advance.
I won't ever
tell you because
you won't ever
need to know.
You see,
once we were actually
face to face
everything just
clicked
for the first time in
far too long.

I didn't get an
opportunity
to consider falling
for you,
it just happened
like missing
a step in the dark.
And I didn't get a
say
in the matter
but if I had I
don't think I'd have
fallen
any less hard.

I've never believed
in forevers
but I'm ok
with the possibility:
I'm ok with
just this one sunset
out of all the
millions
gone and
yet to come,
just this one sunset
with you
next to me
singing out of tune and
everything
surrounded by
water.

Get lost with me.
Let's forget about
time,
I like it best when
none of that matters.
You say we've got
all these hours
to **** but
let's not waste them
because it's
one more hour
with you
and I don't know when
I'll get another.

I am hanging on the
ends of the words
you don't speak,
searching for something
in our eye contact that
may or may not
be there.
Because
like I said
I don't believe in
forevers
but I sure as hell
believe
in the chance.

The distance between 
heaven & earth 
is that of 
heart & soul

You wanna know what it's like to love?
When you feel so lost in time and every second that's passing feels so unreal?
You wanna know what it's like to feel like choking on tears at 3 in the morning?
When time refuses to pass and every second feels like a ticking atomic bomb?
You wanna know what it feels like to be ripped off your sanity?
You wanna know what it feels like to have *** for the first time?
You wanna know what it feels like to try so hard and fail?
You wanna know what it feels like to fall out of love and experience the kind of sadness you never thought you'd feel?
You wanna know what it feels like to be kissed in every spot that drives you insane?
You wanna know what it feels like to have someone talk about you behind your back?
You wanna know what it feels like to smile like nothing has happened?
You wanna know what it feels like to get wasted on your birthday?
You wanna know what it feels like to have cigarette smoke filling your airways?


Then you **** right feel it.
Then you **** right experience it.
Then you **** right give yourself a chance.

By the time you're 20,
No one gives a **** if you're a ******,
No one gives a **** if you were the top student in '09
No one gives a **** if you were so drunk you couldn't remember your own name
No one gives a **** if you were so choked by cigarette smoke you thought you were suffocating to death
No one gives a **** if you almost rammed into a tree on your 16th birthday
And sure as hell,
No one gives a **** because let me tell you this.


It is your **** life,
*So you **** right do whatever the hell you want to do.

No instrument could torture
More than memories of their room
He cursed all thought
Under blankets that once held her
Because they had violently fought
Within the darkness of his gloom

No half pint would do
For a man who talks to himself
“I know!” he yelled
“Don’t tell me what is true
It was by my hand she was felled
Her love didn’t die by itself”

“I can’t really sing”
Said the sad man sadly
“But if only I could (!)
Words that ring
From instruments of wood
Would always love her madly!”

The staggering symphony
Sounds that mocked romance
He wept hoping the morning dew
Would awaken her sympathy
But the answer he already knew
Her heart had given it's last chance

My blank eyes stare
In bold frustration
At the white sheet
Sitting, calmly mocking me
On the plain brown table

The pen quivers in hand
My mussels shake with shame
But try as I might
My ideas are insanely sane

No bursting fits of passion
Or inspiring metaphors
Only a page covered in splatters
From my ink of internal wars

A block of metal in my mind
A chain of iron on my hand
Glossy mirrors on my eyes
Spiking needles in my thighs

Calling for me to get up
To leave this terrible attempt
But when a poets mind is blank
Like mine
About blankness will they find a rhyme

I saved myself a long time ago
from the demons that lived inside
they come around every now and again
but they see the fight in my eyes
I never prayed for a prince to come
and wisk me off my feet
come to my rescue
I am no damsel in distress
I'm the one who will defeat the evil things lurking
My fairytale has long since changed
since the first time I saw the pretty princesses
I do not want a knight in shining armor
but rather a partner in crime