We can conceal a broken heart,
demoralized faith,
shattered will,
a crushed spirit.

Pierced skin screams pain.
A plaster cast demonstrates healing.

But listen closely.
Some pains whisper softly.

He was like a cigiratte
Dangerous to himself
But fatal and
Toxic to others.
-c.g.

He forced him self upon me
And his lips were shoved into mine.
I pushed and kicked
But for the 3rd time
I was sexually assaulted.
I was only 13
And the taste of his mouth
Still lingers on mine.
c.g.

If someone asked me if I regretted it, and I said I did...that it made things so difficult, hard to explain, contain...
I'd be lying.
Lying through my teeth, through my woes, through my checkered soles.
I miss your clumsy lips on me, lopsided with liquor as we stumbled along
the tattered college sheets.
It's been a month and I'm two steps back,
Trying to understand my life, my life as sudden as a heart attack.
You gave me your kisses, a little less than intended
I gave you my body but not my choices.
I want more, I wanted more but all before I wanted your friendship
We were/are friends unchained
Students with no purpose running astray
Your piercing and voice commanded to me
I called and you did but who would've thought we had the right chemistry?
I never loved someone more than you, in the way of pure intimacy and shoulder glance
It's been a month since our tryst in the sheets, hidden away in your tiny bed room with nothing but a laptop playing streams and a thick bed sheet
Skin on skin
We were mixed together as one, never been with someone my parents would love.
So bad so b a d
I loved your face and your voice
I loved your hands between my thighs
I loved your lips on my ear and neck
I loved feeling within you and in the middle of me
Knowing someone I somehow knew in all casual entirety
In the rain glimmers of dust
We talked and talked
*** was never a must.
That's why this is a surprise
Someone so dear to me could make me feel such a surmise
You're all I want but all a risk
I can't help but want you by my sheets
I fear a new day
A new day feeling still stuck in this way.

You know those moments
where you just feel so
worthless
for no reason.
Like out of the
blue
the entire world
comes crashing
d
o
w
n
even though you were
feeling perfectly fine
the minute before.

All of a sudden
someone calls you over
or asks for you
and you realize you're so
angry
and there's so much just
bubbling inside
and it comes out.

Except it's not what you expect.

All of a sudden
you find yourself feeling so
tired
and
weak
and all you want to do
is lay down and
dig yourself a hole.

All of a sudden
you want to be buried
but not die.

Every time you breathe,
you feel all of this
anguish
deep in the pit
of your stomach and
in the centre of your chest
and it makes you want to
claw your insides out.

But you don't want to die
because somewhere
deep
deep
inside your mind
you enjoy it.

You enjoy
this sadness
and this pain
and these tears
and all the hurt.
The hurt that makes you
want to disappear
and hide away
and run
and sleep
and fall
and curl up
all at once.

All of a sudden
you're so worthless
so meaningless
and you...
You're not even sure
how you feel
you're just angry
and annoyed
and sad
and everything.

It's so much,
and you can't even register
what's happening.

You just lie there
and enjoy the feeling
in the centre of your chest
and in the pit of your stomach.

You lie there
and do nothing.
Nothing
because that's all
you can do
and all you amount to.
Nothing.