Time is slowing,
Everything desires to hibernate as winter kisses the mountain valleys,
And the end has faded into the now,
My beloved present,
An inevitable tick...tick...
A minute has passed and it feels like I have been smothered through my angst against time.
I am crawling, waiting, searching...
Deliberating, trying to lose myself,
And the revolution plays throughout my mind,
Whipping through every thought as I box and battle this decision against disease, against prejudice, to fight for sanity, a pleasurable manifestation of change.
I am broken, I have been this way for quite some time as the facts choose to remain just that, facts.
With spring shall come the bittersweet rejuvenation of my re-emergence into society where nothing has changed yet everything will be different,
Where the mind and heart heals,
The  spirit shall bloom, prosper...breath.
With the transition comes hope, magic, possibilities,
And an insightful chance that came from finally making the right choice,
Taking the right turn, and out will break the miracles of life from within and throughout.
The answers will come from the darkness within the darkness.
I had to ride the rails to be saved;
Had to bathe in impunity to finally see.
To breath, to laugh, to joke, to be free, to live,
To take away the want and the need elevates the innocence and does more than open the mind as we become free.
We all have dreams, girl, we all dream.
It has become the true never ending of blossomed virtues, ambitions, goals, inhibitions, values...
This is this, and that is that.

It's never completely there to begin with, it never was.
Occasionally a piece is ripped, exposed.
Bit by bit i've lost all but one.
It's real dry, barely there, a feeble cry.
Don't let me turn to dust.

The simplicity of it all,
so profound yet unique in it's own ways.
Beauty undefined with glory past,
security slumbering not.

I feel as if I am being further pulled down.
I grow tired of this life and it's disappointments, of it's liars and self-satisfiers.

Why do I still feel like I want you. . .
need you not, but you are desirous.
I hate you. . . I hate you for this.
For your lies and
EMPTY PROMISES.

Today I cried. I want to let go, and feel like ****. Everything I work for or attempt to achieve never forms or becomes complete.
I wish for nostalgic dreams and the events of yesterday that will never occur again.
I take the rudimentary paths of eminent peril and feel so ******* desolate.
I work diligently and yet I have nothing.
I need a change, happiness, caregiver....
I hate and love so easily.






I miss everything.

Through my Mother's eyes,
There is no reason.
No place to turn to when in pain.
Where is the shelter from her tears?
For they drop like the poison of her persecution.
It's cold and lonely in her misty gray world,
Forcing you to always seek safety.
How can you hide from what's all around you?
No justice or truth will penetrate and shine
Through her clouds of defense.
It's tearing you up,
Beating away at your walls of security.
She's wrapped around a web of disbelief,
Trapped...merely pivoting from blocked pathways.
But that will not chain me,
I seek the freedom that honesty grants,
I will survive in a way that aids others to follow my path.
I can't live my life in deception,
Seeing through my Mother's eyes.