This weight in my chest
is slowly
crushing,
and breaking my small
spirit.
Its aching,
and sore.
I'm not thinking straight anymore.
Nothing soothes it.
It'll always be a bruise.

There's no regard for your feelings when my heart is in charge.
"You feel the same!"
It's a lie we let me live with.
I'd be okay with going into cardiac arrest over you, anyway.  

My brain thinks you're magnificent-
or perhaps horrendous...
Nonetheless, you seldom leave my mind.
I've considered purchasing another mattress
(my heart wants to know if we can share it).

O, You,
who stole my heart so long ago...
Where are you now?
I need you more than ever.
Maybe if we stay up together I'll forget
what makes me tremble at night,
and you can finally say
that someone got you something
for your birthday...

I am jealous of your bed sheets, that gets to know what happened throughout your day
That gets to find out all your secrets at 3 in the morning
And gets to know who the real you is
I am jealous how it gets to listen to your heart beat every night before you go to sleep
Jealous how it gets to listen to all your favourite songs
How it's able to comfort you from the cold, because I wish my embrace could do that
I am jealous how it's able to wipe out all your tears from the bad days you've been having, because I wish I could take away your sadness for you
I am jealous how you look forward to be in your bed every night, because I wish I could be your home that you come to
I am jealous how it's always there for you, even if you didn't need it
Because I just hope that I could be there for you even if I didn't have to
But I can't because you won't let me be there
I am jealous how it brings you comfort & warmth
For how I wish I could be the one to comfort you
Jealous how it gets to tuck you in every night
And how it gets to sleep and be with you whenever you want to
Because I wish so bad to be with you whenever
Mostly I am jealous how it's where you want to be at most times, when you have your dark days
Because I just want you to come to me in the times where you're at your lowest
I am jealous how it knows all your stories, your strengths, weaknesses
Because I just want to be able to know them too
Jealous how it's the most comfortable place to be, because I wish to be your safe haven

Acoustic variables numb my skin as I
attempt to drown my thoughts of
guilt- from having to hurt you to
make me better.

I'm just trying to
get better.