i do not speak your name
i cannot even whisper it
instead, i hide it in my dreams
under my sheets
beneath a sky that sees all
but does not burn my skin
do you ever wonder
what the moon is thinking?
does she gaze down solemnly and see
a fading opus
or a symphony simply tightening its strings
for the final act?
do you think it makes her sad
to see the greens replaced
with soot and plaster
the seas rising to meet her
with an apocalyptic kiss?
the falling tide
the slow recession
reminds me that
she keeps our secrets
but i think it breaks her heart

You said, "The key to happiness is self preservation."
I don't think you know what happiness means.

Clearly, you've never kissed in the freezing rain.
Clearly you've never had *** in a stranger's pool in the middle of the night.
You've probably never had a midnight snowball fight without gloves or a jacket.
There's no way you've ever been on a roller coaster.
You've obviously never taken a punch for a friend.
I'll bet you've never taken the blame for something you're little sister did.
I'm sure you've never gone bike riding through a lightning storm.
And you've most certainly never been in love,
Or moved to a new city with nothing but a suitcase.
Or enlisted in the military.
Or driven into a terrifying part of town to rescue a drunk cousin.
Or committed a serious crime, or deployed a school prank.
Or road tripped to a college and gotten stupid drunk.
Or played tackle football on Thanksgiving with your older cousin's friends.
And you've **** sure never snuck out into the night,
or jumped into a fight for one of your friends.
And something tells me you know nothing of signing your life away for a cause greater than your own.
Have you ever gone paint balling? Or white water rafting?
Rock climbing? Street racing?
Have you ever played with fireworks?
Or shared a meal with a homeless person?
Didn't think so.
Have you ever played truth or dare? Probably not.
You've never quit your job to pursue a dream,
you've never rolled the dice of fate, knowing death could be as probable as life.
And you **** sure have never willingly given your self fully to another, to do with whatever they please, because without them you'll never be whole again.
And there's no way in Hell you've ever begged out into the darkness to trade your life with a family members, wishing to take their pain away and wear it like a trophy so they can be happy again.

You see, the key to HAPPINESS is LIFE.
The key to LIFE is being ALIVE.
And the preservation of the moments, and people that make you feel alive, that remind you how precious and beautiful being alive is.
And in order to feel alive, sometimes you have to put your life on the line, and live a little dangerously.
Sometimes that means not knowing where your life is gonna go.
Sometimes it means preserving someone else's life before you're own.
Because happiness is knowing your life is worth living.
Save your preservation for when you're dead.
By then it won't matter anyways.
But hey, what do I know?
You'll be a perfect corpse some day. Way prettier than mine.

one time he and i were sitting in bed and i said "where do you feel stuff?" and he said "what do you mean?" and i said "here is anxiety," and i pointed to my bottom ribs where the glass in my body starts.

he pointed to his throat "it's here for me."
i keep anger in my calves, he holds it in his hands.
i feel sadness in my lungs, he feels it in his stomach. we play this game until we come to love and i realize i'm terrified (jugular) of what might come.
what if it's not the same, what if he feels it somewhere else. what if it's just a flash fire not a slow burn, what if it's congealing in one place instead of radiating.

i try to change topics (flight response: jaw) and he takes my hands and puts them over his ribs.
"i feel love everywhere. like the sun is trying to escape me, like i'm being consumed and it's filling up all the parts where i used to be empty."

i say "don't be ridiculous, humans are 99% empty space." i nervous laugh (my glass ribs break) and I shift awkwardly, like i always do when i'm uncomfortable (legs)

"everywhere" he repeats and he holds his gaze with mine.

What is it
about you moon
that brings out
the weirdness in folks
full moons cause
such lunacy
it's madness
all you do
is sit up there
and shine.