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 May 2016 Caitlin Drew
Rosh
Inside each one of us,
under the buried lies,
are a million hidden truths
And an unsung sacrifice.

The sacrifice to keep it all within,
the sacrifice much mocked.
But I fail to see the issue
With keeping it all locked.

It's safe and sound inside
with no one else to see
and no one else to judge,
My million hidden sanctities.

Why tell the world your secret
when it's only going to spread
and ****** away that little truth
that last bit of thread.

So, yes it's a façade,
and I have a million layers of complexities.
But in the end I'll find comfort
in my million hidden sanctities.
I had a chance to step back
And look at the world,
I was disgusted at what I saw
But loved every bit of it.
 May 2016 Caitlin Drew
MJ
You're right.
The world's not black anymore.
But it's still looking grey.

Okay.
It isn't night anymore.
But it surely isn't day.

The world isn't upside down anymore.
But I'm still not looking straight.

The door isn't locked up tight anymore.
But it's still a locked up gate.

I might not be standing still anymore,
But I'm still not ready to run.

My finger isn't on the trigger anymore.
But I haven't put down my gun.

You may not see me cry anymore.
But you still don't see me grin.

No, I'm not shutting you out anymore.
But I'm still not letting you in.

I'm shaking hands with the darkness.
And I'm shaking hands with the light.

But I can't let go of either,
Or they'll see each other and fight.

Don't assume that
Because I don't sink anymore,
That I must be flying.

Just because I'm not dead anymore,
Doesn't mean that I'm not dying.
 May 2016 Caitlin Drew
gray rain
When I leave this world
And go back to reality
I'm faced with the same
overwhelming wave of anxiety
too afraid for people to know me
too sacred to let people see
but everyday I go back
and everyday is the same
I have this barrier
you may know it as shame
I'm not shameful of myself
but feel shame for the ignorant-minded people
who surround me
in this shell
protecting me from being me
A book?
A book!
A book!
A book.

Sometimes, he really didn't make any sense to her.
But she was sure, she didn't make any sense to him either.

She had asked him for a solution to a predicament. He answered with a question of his own.

There eccentricities were boggling, to people and to minds like the white spots around your eyes or the colour violet.

There was a point he was building upto, she was sure. Well not sure, hopeful really.

"So why a book?" She asked?
"Why not?" He answered!
"How would a book help me with my existential crisis?"
"Well, a book has been credibly established to allow people to travel through time. So how does one derive the question to 42? By a book of course. How does one spend 5 hours in 4 minutes? With a book! When the questions are more elusive than the answers, read a story taller than the empire state building. And you'll probably fly through existentiality, well of one form at least. Books are what make sure that time doesn't remain linear, but rather flows like a twizzler in a baby's hand."

"That was so nonsensical it actually made a little sense", she thought. She'd never tell him of course, his head was inflated enough already.

"So", he continued, "Read a book, and I'll read with you. And maybe we'll find the question to your question in the blink of that naked surety you find in the split second of absolute consciousness between the pages."
Why is it that every night
I change into my pajamas
Only to remove them
Ten minutes later
As I climb into bed
In my undergarments?

I reckon it is the routine
That calms me from my day,
Shedding the skin of
One day to embrace another.
It is the preparation
For my seven hour 

Sabbath where I rest 
From my seventeen hours
Of work, play, and relationships -  
Responsibilities that keep me
Too busy to take a moment
And enjoy the skin I live in. 

So each night,
I must shed that skin
In reflection of the day
That is now gone,
And rest as I prepare
Myself for another day.

Another day of busyness,
Another day of striving,
Another day of trying my best
To be the man you have
Created me to be...
To embrace who I am
In every waking moment.
An ardent soliloquy of effusive loneliness;
But a fervent display of fanciful companionship.
Fanciful, but of choice limited to one.
As soft lonesome light glows through a goblet;
Deep in red of fallacious blood,
And to speak of which I long, with one of similar mind,
Yet contradictory in gender,
Be it in terms as well.

Solitariness to me, seems bestowed.
And at times I see its light.
Or not so much light, more of a dim and distant glow,
Coming to me through that goblet,
Through the liquid lie it holds.

Imbued with the notion of these times,
I long to be, even an appendix to a Pantisocracy,
Where subjugation and self righteousness are equally redundant,
Not surplus; not wanted.
Perpetual anticipation for this future,
Is the ultimate test of faith in righteousness.
Crumbling grey tombstone
Overgrown wild hedge
Rusted Victorian fences
Sitting on the edge


Ancient hollow moon
Resting over the sky
As lonesome empty voices
Fill the air and pass me by


The night is still
Devoid of stress
As I learn old tales
From the spirits at rest


I listen for a time
The stories to keep
Then close my eyes
With the stars to sleep
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