You think you've taken your last breath;
you hope.
but your blood flows more violently than ever
and your heart gives no remorse for its endurance.
miles away from your destination-
home you call it
you drop to the ground below you.
the pills wont help you this time.
you're face swells in distress.
"I have no time to dwell"
you panic.
but you have all the time in the world
everything has stopped moving
and youre alone once again-
a feeling you're familiar with
but vague memories of this place
make you weary,
make you want to run.
The only thing that's racing is your mind
and it wont rest,
it wont take a second
to recuperate- it knows it cant.
and all the pains shooting through your body
come from no where
no injury done, but fatal feelings
stroke your skin
and bury themselves in your heart.
there is no other need to be here
than to see others point their finger
in direction of your failure.
how much more
can your collarbones sink in
before you realize
the disheveled nature of your skeleton?
just let it go
let it evaporate
right out of your skull;
and let it take the demons that haunt you
let it erase all negative being.
and reminisce of the times you were brain dead,
when not a soul was cared for
and feelings were for the weak.
and let that take over you.
hurt your mind more than it will hurt you.

and even when she knew she had nothing
you still shone the brightest light
on all hope for happiness.
she knew she had you
which was the only stable thing in her life
and she took it and ran
because she knew how it would treat her.
forever grateful will she be
knowing you are there
and can nothing stand between
the gratuity and love she will pay to you
for your upmost warmth and loyalty.

another pen runs out of ink,
your cup is empty.
and your eyes see a desert.
it's 5:33am and you're wide awake
but your body aches
and your chest is heavy
and yet again your find yourself
bombed, and hurt.
but no one hurt you.
your mind continues to linger in the past
haunting your every move.
it's screaming "you've ****** up"
and you know it speaks the truth.
because why else would you feel the way you do?
you turn on the radio, loud as it can go
to drown out  the mutters
of disappointment
but nothing helps
because you're internally
scratching and clawing at yourself.
"what can I do?" "make it stop"
no, there is nothing.
so you sit in your own dismay
and you wait for a distant change
that you may never see.

white feathered birds-
trees high, mountain tops.
sun sets on the west coast,
and pottery barns filled
with colorful mugs.
paintings with a story
that line the walls of diners-
puffs of a cigarette
on your front porch in summer.
little wonders of life
and questions of common actions.
beautiful questions
asked by the smartest of folk.
because there is nothing
we know all about.

-----

ground poles put
in front of boundaries
and cruel discussions
between man and woman.
golden manes
and good haircuts-
coffee on a Saturday morning.
green grass grown
full and rich
and daisies bloomed in the winter.

-----

reminders of what we all dream for
and what we shoot for.
looking in the future
and loving your current self
breathing techniques
due to anxiety-
calm yourself
be free
and love all you contain