I gave my tormentor the title of best friend
because for once,
it felt like someone saw me the same way I did.
I fell in love with a boy who bruised instead of kissed
because for once,
I didnt have to be the one to beat myself up.

He was a monster
that I so badly wanted to charm
because for once,
it wasn't my problems I was struggling to solve.

I'm exhausted with all the judgement
Burned with salt in my eyes
I never did anything wrong
Yet for some reason
I'm never enough
Not just for you for anyone
I'm tired of looking to myself
To figure out why you
Are so arrogant and condescending
Like my picture, follow me?
That would mean I did
Even one thing right
When you only act as if I'm wrong
Why do we judge each other?
Why is their creative expression
So far superior to everyone else's?
Why is it that we look to impress?
We turn to drugs, to numb the taste
Of inadequacy and distress
Why do I care if you care?
Why am I human?
Why is this my soul?
And why is this,
Who I am
So **** wrong to everyone

I want to write a poem
But I can't feel the complex, poetic emotions
I only feel hurt.
I can only hear the blood rushing in my ears
I can't see through my tears
My hands are shaking to hard
I can't think.
I could write a poem but
Stupid
Stupid
Stupid
Stupid
Isn't a poem.
And right now with my pen to the paper
that's all that will come to my mind

My heart
Is a happy drunk
A little too open
A little too optimistic
It's over in the corner of the bar
Playing poker
Screaming at the top of it's lungs
I'M ALL IN
When it's never
To this day
Had a winning hand

My heart
Is a sad drunk
A little too lonely
A little too caught up in tears
It's over at the counter
Forcing the bartender to take its keys
Because it would rather not go home
Than go home alone again

My heart
Is a reckless drunk
A little too unbalanced
A little too impaired
It's over by the door
Making everyone nervous
A little too good at scaring people away
A little too far gone

Like you
A little too far gone
Turn your head
Shuffle away and pretend you don't notice
The breakdown of a heart
Too drunk on feelings
To know when to stop