Call me a ******
Label me crazy
At this point who really cares
I could be perfect
Yet still not enough
You want to fix me
You call me insecure
Tell me I need to seek help
Toss all the blame at me
Did you ever think
Just maybe all I want
All I need...
Is to tell you it's your fault?

We're all victims to our mind
We feel what we let ourselves feel
Our unconscious thoughts drive our activities
Drive our sanity level off the bridge
We are prisoners of ourselves
Free whenever we discover this
Brains wrapped in orange,
Jumpsuits of oblivion
Looking to reflections to define ourselves
Describing not what we are
But who we aspire to one day be

Our hearts play a song
Beat something we cannot understand
Stop beating when we neglect them
Our minds electrify life with the ability
To learn, to change, to grow, to be
Our bodies are a catalyst to these
Moving to the beats of our hearts
Dancing to the electric fire of our minds

Our consciousness looks to the flaws
Looks to improve, and be happy
When if we really pause
To look within at the glory
Of all we have,
The grief doesn't seem like
The hell we make it

Have you ever had something feel so good
That it hurts?
Have you ever welded the words
Ran that mile
Did that one thing that made it all okay
Even for a minute
You felt whole again
Like someone gave you back your
Pretty flower, your dandelion of serenity
Like sitting on the porch
With your tea and your sundress
Blissfully, almost illegally happy
These are the moments I live for
The moments I would die for
Sometimes life is a black rose
Other times it's a daisy
I personally prefer orchids anyway

My heart is trapped
Tapped by your venom
Cut with your idioms of imitation love
You were never capable of anything
Other than plunging your dagger deep within
Severing my veins of love, compassion, and self-worth
My spirit cried for you,
My heart sang for you,
Your eyes burned an inferno of kerosine
Calling mine beautiful
I was your magical creature
And you were my devil
You were an artist, carving
An intricate design of yourself on me
Cauterizing yourself within who I am
Just let me freeze
One day of being who I want without you
Never again do I want to see your face
Spelling your name in poems
Wishing you would disappear
I wish you nothing but...


My personal hell

I'm exhausted with all the judgement
Burned with salt in my eyes
I never did anything wrong
Yet for some reason
I'm never enough
Not just for you for anyone
I'm tired of looking to myself
To figure out why you
Are so arrogant and condescending
Like my picture, follow me?
That would mean I did
Even one thing right
When you only act as if I'm wrong
Why do we judge each other?
Why is their creative expression
So far superior to everyone else's?
Why is it that we look to impress?
We turn to drugs, to numb the taste
Of inadequacy and distress
Why do I care if you care?
Why am I human?
Why is this my soul?
And why is this,
Who I am
So **** wrong to everyone

Someone please give me a way
A magic solution
To make this searing pain go away
I know I rhyme
But isn't that manipulation
Just of words and time
I want to find a way
To twist and burn
Phrases and sounds but
Even with all the seconds
Hours, days, months
Only my heart can emote
My face can try
My tears can fall
I can't write
I can't feel anything
Other than what you wanted
I was more than enough
I only wish I saw through your bluff
Better than me you say?
"I'm with her so I can have you"
"I promise some day I'll love you too"
"You make me feel things"
But...
You're not old enough
Pretty enough
Small enough
I was adequate all along
It was your soul that needed fixed
Not mine
I hope she's nothing you wanted
Because she will never be me
I hope you burn in hell
Maybe then you'll understand
You can't ruin people
And still look in a mirror
Without the cracks of you
Of who you really are
Seeping through