"I would love to but I can't."
"I feel so bad."
"I am so sorry."
Rejection.
Sincere tones laced together in regret
I lost you
before I even found you.
"I wish I could find something to say."
"I hope someone else returns your feelings."
Wishes for the best
The best was from you.

Salty tears
****** tears
******* tears
Dead tears
Heartbreak tears
Please come back tears
Tell me you're not gone tears
Why aren't you here anymore tears
It's too dark here tears
I can't find the words anymore tears
My mind is numb tears
I couldn't save you tears
Suffering tears
Please hold me tears
You're not coming back tears

The stagnant watch of passerbyers
Penetrated with a needing of closure and a surrounding of homeliness
Words laced together in an order not distinguished
Without a sense of security and faith
It shatters and the phrase is broken
Just like everything else in the world and everything else that is just
But nothing is just
Nothing is certain
Burning. Molding. Changing
Life is not certain but it is meaningful
Only to those who can find meaning
In the pieces left behind by those before them
Who have created havoc
Who have created *******
Who have created falseness
Who are damaged
Who are wanting
Faith has created life
Faith has destroyed life
But get on your knees
Pray. Worship. Lie.
Nothing to save you
Nothing to save you
A bunch of fuckery
Myths all tied together
None is real
Suffering is imminent
Life is imminent
The passerbyer walks
With disappointment

Jake.
Your name felt bitter on my lips.
Jake.
You touched her and I screamed.
Jake.
You gave great hugs.
Jake.
Your glares cut like knives.
Jake.
Your laugh sounds empty.
Jake.
Your smile is forced.
Jake.
All you.
Alexis
My name doesn't touch your lips.
Alexis.
I touch him and you don't care.
Alexis.
I held on for a little too long.
Alexis.
Eyes filled with tears instead of glares.
Alexis.
My laugh is full.
Alexis.
My smile is genuine.
Alexis.
So paradoxal.

Dead behind the eyes.
God all I hear is lies.
I need to feel something to live.
There is nothing else for me to give.

Love*
Love*
Love
Such a destructive word
Such a filthy feeling
It slips out
Can't be taken back
"I don't"
So much anger
So much sadness
"I never will"
I hope you feel
disgusting and guilty.

We started laying together and I asked if we could talk.
You said “sure” in the sweetest voice and I thought it would be okay.
I asked why you didn’t love me.
Wrong choice.
You said you didn’t know but you knew you didn’t.
You said you didn’t even know if you liked me anymore.
I sat up and moved away from you because being near you burned my skin.
Then you said those two words and my heart dropped.
“Maybe it’d be better for both of us if we broke up. But I think that’ll unhinge you again.”
Jake you knew that wouldn’t be better for me but you just saw me as your little ticking time bomb anyway.
Never okay.
I could barely get words out.
I did everything I could to stop this.
More words were exchanged and I told you I loved you.
You said you didn’t.
I could feel my heart breaking.
We were facing each other sitting on the floor.
The tears started to flow from my eyes.
You put your head between your knees and said,
“Please stop. It kills me to see you like this.”
You killed me first so I’m glad I’m killing you now.
10:45: “I have to go or I’ll be out after curfew”
I just nodded and got up to open the door.
“Can I hug you?”
No I didn’t want you to but I just nodded again.
You hugged me for an eternity
I lost it and sobbed and every feeling was coming out through my tears onto your shirt,
as I whispered “please don’t leave. you promised you wouldn’t,” over and over.
“Some promises just can’t be kept.”
You said it through tears
You were dying too
Only you could grab the rope but instead you hung me with it.
You let go and looked at me,
“thank you” you said and grabbed my hand.
You opened the door, dropped my hand, and left.
I died.

I knew you were gone when I said,
“Tell me a story”
and you said you didn't have any anymore.
I knew you were gone when I said,
“how was your day?”
and you responded with just “good.”
I knew you were gone when I told you about my day
and you didn't tell me to tell you more.
I knew you were gone when you said,
“Stop that. It annoys me.”
I never annoyed you before.
I knew you were gone when you said,
“all we ever do anymore is fight.”
I wish I knew how to stop that.
I knew you were gone before you even left.
I kept hoping we’d get better.
But we didn’t.
I knew you were gone when you said,
“Thank you for this.”

To say that I’m not jealous,
well that would be a lie.
I’m jealous that she has someone who loves her.
“Alexis, he told me he loves me.”
Wow that’s great.
Too bad I could never send that text to anyone.
You don’t love me.
And you won’t.
And I still can’t deal with that.
Why am I so unlovable?
Why does she get to find love with him?
Why couldn't you feel a ******* thing?
What changed?
“We are working towards love”
But you gave up.
You got tired of working and so you left.
I worked so hard
and you left.
Please come back.
Please let me know that I’m lovable.
Why couldn't you love me like he loves her?
Please
love
me
please.
I miss (need) you.

My heart is burning inside of my chest and only you can put out the fire.
I want this to stop.
I want to be whole again.
I left half of me at your house in your bed and
I can’t get it back.
You sleep with half of me and you don’t even know it.
A week after we broke up I heard you talking,
you said you washed your sheets and blankets.
I wonder if you did it to **** my scent,
while all I’m doing is trying to hold onto yours.
I still remember the way I ran my hands down your chest,
and you put your hand on my back.
I hope when you sleep you remember the way
I couldn’t fall asleep without the blankets.
Now you probably wrap yourself in them.
You need something to fill the space I left.
I wonder if you still fall asleep early.
I used to tease you about it,
but I secretly loved it because you were so calm.
I still haven’t washed my sheets and the blanket smells like you.
Please come back.
Make me feel safe again.
Wrap your arms around me and rub my stomach.
Give me a goodnight kiss like you used to.
Who are we kidding, though?
You never loved me.
You were long gone before I even got in your bed that night.
You were long gone when I smiled and said I loved you,
you stiffened and turned away.
I should have left at that point,
but I was determined to make you feel something…
but how can you make someone love you?
I shouldn’t have gotten in bed with you that night.