When I die
I want to be able to be there
To laugh at the ******* act of everyone
Acting like they gave a ****
Saying that they always loved me
Never once even showing it
I want to see the sad look on their faces
When they see the dead look in mine
Acting like they knew me
There are farms with less **** in them

Who am I kidding
No one will show
And that's how I expect it to be

I don't see my life going on much longer
I'll be alive but no longer with anyone
No longer will this black cloud hover over me
I take my leave
Maybe someday I'll decide to return
With a clear head
Then again
That's all just a dream
Make me disappear

Keep on being a ******* idiot
Lie to yourself
Tell yourself that you're beautiful
Tell yourself that you're smart
Tell yourself that you're happy
Anything that you think does not matter
It's what everyone else thinks that shapes you
If they call you stupid
You're stupid
If they say you're hideous
You're hideous
Your "positive attitude" won't get you anywhere
It's not magic
Keep on lying to yourself see where that gets you

No one feels like family
Not even my own kin
Not my friends
Not my coworkers
No one
Your family is supposed to be who you turn to when you need help
If you're not willing to go to them
They aren't your family
They're just people you grew up with
Who kept you alive
Feeling alone is terrible
Someone once told me I'm strong
I disagree
I'm weak
A coward
Stubborn
Arrogant
Its exhausting being at this alone
One day I just hope I run out of gas
Miles from home

There is no worse feeling
Then when you know everything is going to ****
Then someone comes along and tells you "everything's gonna be alright"
Is someone important to me dead?
No
Financial issues?
Not really
But this constant feeling of being alone
Is like a **** plague
It feeds off the rest of me trying to live
Killing me bit by bit
Taking everything I love away from me
Mentally and emotionally
Can't pick up a camera, all your pictures are ****
**** that pencil, you can't draw
***** your dreams, welcome to reality
Where everything is work work work
Until you quit quit quit
The realest thing in the world
Is you and your pathetic self

Silence
Blackness
Speechless
We all die alone
Some people will be used to it
No one to turn to for comfort
Just means less time crying about losing someone
Better that no one knows you to soare them heartache
I prefer it this way
At least I'll be the only one present
The only person who ever gave a ****
Don't let them fool you
They only care about themselves

I can't go on feeling alone
There are people who say they are there for me
But are they really?
They say they care but that's only a bandage
It'll fall off sooner or later
I want them away from me
I push people away
Make them hate me
So when I do pass
I'll finally make them happy
Good riddance