There is nothing left to do but do
I'm tired of hate and silence
I can never not talk
To suffer will be the end of this,
But I already suffer
Suffering is bearable
But to suffer with hatred is death while living
I can smile
I choose to smile even after everything
I live
And someday, I will be gone

I lived, I suffered, I loved, and it was all alright

Sleep can't find me.

In darkness, I see no solace.

Thoughts are wild again.

My dream can't save me now.

I am drowning.
But I won't let any one know.
There's no need to let it show.
I can hide it behind my smile.
Or I can bury it deep where no one can see.

                            "It's okay."

I say to myself.
I'll draw a smile to remind me that it's okay.

To be alone in this sadness is a familiar scene.
It has happened many times before.
So there's nothing new about this now.
I've been sad before.
I've been sad a million times before.

And I've managed to stay afloat.
Paddling in the water for as long I can remember.
Keeping my chin above the water.
Gazing up at the stars in the night sky.

               "Stay above the water."

I reminded myself.

But now my arm has gone numb.
The cold water pulls me deeper.
Darkness embraces me.
I am tired.
And the stars in the sky are saying goodbye.

                        "I am drowning."
             "And no one will ever know."

Because when the sun comes up tomorrow.
I'll put on a smile and I'll lie to myself that I am fine.

Almost.
Almost means it will happen.

Like,
Almost cried
Almost forgot
Almost ready
Almost here
Almost done

Almost.
Almost can also mean it never happened.

Like,
Almost in love
Almost

I realize now
as I read your words dancing with the light of the screen,


                        I don't love you.


I wanted to be in love.
People seemed happy
when they are in love.

I wanted to be happy.
And being in love seemed
to take all the loneliness away.

It was then I remembered
the feeling buried with
forgotten memories.


                            I liked you.


And then I wanted to love you,
to love every inch
and every detail about you.



                            "I love you."

        

But I wasn't happy.
I wanted to be happy.
I thought if I loved you I would be happy.



                          "I loved you."
      


                                               I wasn't happy.
                                            I didn't love you.
                I was merely caught up with the
                                    idea of being in love,
                           of  being in love with you.

The wind blew, I smiled.
The sun shined as its trails of bright rays found my face, I smiled.
I smiled.

I sat there all morning till the evening
Not a clue of what’s going to happen
But I stayed and breathed

Ate a few and drank
Wished it was ***** though sadly it was not
I don’t even like the taste of ***** but I still wished it was

It’s not fun when I’m alone with my thoughts
It’s not fun to be at all
Especially when it makes me want to die

I sat there all morning till evening
Dreading for tomorrow to come
The thought of it made me want to close eyes forever

Matapos ang bawat kanta ng aming pwedeng kantahin
Dasal na alay para sa mga taong may ilaw na bilog sakanilang ulo

Hihinga ako ng malalim
Ngunit di maaalis ng aking paghinga ang kaba at takot sa aking dibdib

Tubig at bolpen lang laman ng aking bag
Sa pagdarasal
Alam kong hindi sapat ito para ako’y manatili sa aking kinalalagyan

At tulad ng aking dalangin
Naghihintay ang aking ina sa ibaba
Sa kanyang puso at mata
Dama ko ang kanyang pagmamakaawa


                                  “Bigyan niyo po kami ng awa”


                                              “Maawa po kayo”


Rosaryo, rosaryo, rosaryo, rosaryo, rosaryo
Rosaryo sa Huwebes
Rosaryo na aming kailangan sabihin sa wikang ingles


Siguro sa aking pagdarasal ng rosaryo ng malakas
Ay maawa sila saamin
Masakit man ang tuhod sa pagluhod
Hindi pa rin nito maalis ang takot at kaba sa aking puso


                     “Alam ko pong hindi sapat ang aming dala”


Ang Ikalimang Misteryo ng aking pagmamakaawa


                            “Pero sigurado po na ako’y may alam”


Naghihintay ang aking ina sa ibaba
Nananalangin na sana’y hindi niya ako isama sa kanyang pag-uwi

Matapos man ang mga Misteryo ng Rosaryo
Alam kong hindi pa tapos ang aking kalbaryo
Dahil ilang minuto na lang alam kong tatawagin na aking pangalan


                                               “Maawa po kayo”

                                                         ­    .
                                                             .
                                                             .
                                                             .
                                                             .
                                                             .


Hindi maaalis ng lamig ang pagpawis ng aking mga kamay ng buksan ko ang pinto
At sa ibaba, nakita ko agad ang aking ina

Itinaas ko ang aking kamay
Sabay ng kanyang pagngiti

Ako’y mananatili
Hindi na niya kailangang mag-alala
Magsisimula na ang aming pagsusulit
At kailangan kong pumasok na




© 2019 B.L.
All Rights Reserved.

can you smile once more like you always do,

                                just like how the corners of your lips might
                 touch the ends of        
                                      the earth,

                        a gleam, that never once left your eyes

can you smile once more like you always do
                                             like you always do

                                 can you smile once more
                                                            as if you were looking at the stars
                                                      at night
                                                            as if you were seeing the moon lit
                                                      ocean in front of you

                                    

                                        the smile I remember
                                                        whenever your eyes
                                                                    would land at mine

Nobody helped him as he struggled
Their eyes watched as he tried to insert the card
He wore his clothes with dignity
But what they saw was someone poor and lowly

Beads of sweat started to form on his forehead
The line behind him started to grow longer than before
Judgement met his gaze
While the security officer just stood there with laze

“What’s happening” they ask indirectly
He turned around to seek for assistance
But the crowd’s eyes ignored his plea
For the man who asked for help looked *****

What has become of the society?
What happened to everyone’s compassion and sincerity?
But then again,
Who am I to ask such words about  kindness?
When I too, was guilty as charged,
For I didn’t help the man when he struggled with his card






© 2018 B.L.
All Rights Reserved.

Again!*
again
and again
I thought I changed
it seems it's not the case
for I did it again


© 2017 B.L.
All Rights Reserved.

I'm full.
I don't want your words anymore.
My brain is about to explode.
I hate the memories you replay.
I don't want it.
I didn't ask for it.
I can't move.
I can't think.
I'm afraid of tomorrow because of you.
Your assumptions make me weak.
Your criticsm blinds me.
Because of you,
a simple smile I can't do.

I'm sick.
I'm sick of you.
I'm sick, because of you.



© 2017 B.L.
All Rights Reserved.

I try not to think,
I try not to see tomorrow,
For tomorrow is as anxious as me.

All I can do is live the day as it is.
Chase away the sunlight until I reach the sea.




© 2017 B.L.
All Rights Reserved.

I'm tired.
And I'm sad.
My eyes have dried.
But I can feel the tears coming again.

Let me breathe for once.


© 2016 B.L.
All Rights Reserved.

A storm or a hurricane.
The sun will always be there, it will shine.
First light of dawn.
When the first glimpse of sunrise peeked through the window's glass, the day would soon start.
A bright lovely morning. The sun you should always thank.
That mixture of sun and wind.
Feel it as the sun kiss your cheeks and the wind brushes your hair.
Can you feel the warmth with coolness?

I saw a red sunset once or twice.
Unlike anything I've seen before.
It was beautiful.




© 2016 B.L.
All Rights Reserved.

From this day on I'll write.

Words that will linger on sleepless nights.

Hours from now it will soon all be done,
like the ocean slowly kissing the sun.*




© 2016 B.L.
All Rights Reserved.

take the hurt away
let love stay,

take the pain away
let love say,

take the tears away
let love today,

take it all, i pray




© 2016 B.L.
All Rights Reserved.