Who would be
My perfect man...?
he would need to know who he is,
Whre he stands.

Not too romantic,
I mean, come on, this isn't the titanic.
Would be nice if he's sweet,
And SERIOUSLY neat.

Should love books,
And have good looks.
Has a funny bone
Not some dude who drones.

Has to be like a best friend,
Always there with a hand to lend.
Music should be part of his soul,
And I should be part of his goal.

We cannot be a mistake,
That is something I can never take.
Meant to be, of course,
I want him till....only God knows.

No complaints,
From neither he nor me.
I don't want a saint,
But a man who can lead.

Challenging and adventurous,
Not someone who is ego.....ous.

Not forever gone but not too clingy,
Not forever drawn, not melancholy.

Obligatory to hate me sometimes,
He has to have his own side.
Too many arguments, we're done.
So he's gotta be bold, loving and fun.

Hugs well,
Kisses swell.
Dances badly,
Would he sing? Gladly.

Not afraid to come clean,
Not afraid to let off steam.
Loves the things I do,
But not lie if I make horrible food.

I want a man
Who is not afraid to love me.
Not afraid to laugh.
But never hurt me.

One more thing:
He's gotta think my poetry is **** good.
Or else I'd stab him, stab him I would.

I traced my finger
On the outline of his face.
Every pixel carrying the love
That we have for each other.

Smiles were real with him-
Worth capturing through lenses.
My eyes distracted by his beauty.
I was not looking at the camera-
Why should I?
Perfection was right beside me.

Every line of coloured
Running through the picture,
Encapsulating the fantasies that was wrapped around us.
No sign of reality
Since we were simply
Infatuated with each other.

The light displayed
Across the photograph
Showed sparks that lip up
When we were close together.
The fire that ignited
When I was with him.

Every curve and line
Represented the edges of fantasy
That we were standing on.
But with every kiss
My dreams came true
And every unimaginable wish
Turned to reality,
Giving us a step ahead
To stop us from falling.

Yet all good thing come to and end.
Remembering that this time next year,
We'd both be gone and left as a memory.
And this picture,
Along with others,
Would be the only proof we once were.

Tears threaten to escape
As I gripped the picture tighter.
What scared me the most
Was that we both
Have the ability to move on.
And the only thing stopping us
Was the recollection of love we once shared.

Tears spilled down the side of my face.
I didn't want to move on-
I'll be forced to.
I wasn't allowed to have a choice,
Wasn't allowed to hold on,
Wasn't allowed to want more.

Of this. Us.
We were what we were always going to end up being:
A dream. Magical.
Yet never lasting in the end.
Since we were too perfect.
It was too perfect.
He was too perfect.

Everything I ever wanted
Thrown away almost as I had finally
Grasped it.
Calling it mine.

I never wanted to let go of the best thing
That ever happened to me.
It wasn't fair.

The image of us
Was always going to be
A reminder that perfection exists.
And so does pure love.

I gently placed the picture back,
Along with the other snapshots
I had taken of him.
Happiness written across his face.
He was like my happy place.
In fact, he was much more.
And always will be.

Keeping this photograph meant something.
It meant I was never  ever letting him go

At least you know
How it feels
To lay your heart down on a silver platter
Loved to perfection.
Slathered with the sauce
Extracted from the roots of
My words.
Sprinkled with the butterflies I felt
Every time I looked at you.
And you could taste the pinch of ecstasy
From all the times I held
Your hand.
Let us not forget
Our moments together
When we couldn't think of
Ever being separated.
Our history
Spiced up the plate
But left a tangy taste,
Almost as sweet
As your lips when they were on
Mine.
All of it paired with the sliced up
Hatred and anger
I felt towards you.
The strong aroma of
Frustration
When you made me want to scream in
Fury.
All to provide a cuisine of
True Love.
Only for you to push it away
And say
'No thank you, I already ate.'
My-our- hard work, time and effort
All gone to waste.
You just drank more and more
Of your Ex-pired girlfriend, instead
And got drunk on old feelings.
Again.

What am I if not made of irony
Hypocrisy and words
So contradictory?
I mask it all with style;
Venom and blood
Or light and color-
All decorating our words
With different kinds of splendor.
But I hide the true meaning deep within.
Even if the truth is more shallow than you think.
I let you taste emotions never offered to you on your plate,
Because I hide my ingredients
In the meal that you ask for.
I give what you never knew you never wanted
In a way that only entices you.
But I am one of the best liars on paper.
I am one of the best actors.
I convey millions of emotions
When I only have a soulless soul inside.
Poets like me can describe feelings they've never felt before.
Never take my words as my life
Because halfway,
I stopped living in my words.

My pen dances,
Across the paper.
Words pour out,
Of this once empty mind.

My stomach churns,
At this feeling,
Of joy,
For writing fairy tales.

My smile is so bright,
And wide as a flowing river.
My eyes shine and sparkle so much,
They could replace stars.

The music entering my ears,
Sends my body dancing.
Still with pen and paper in hand,
My soul screams out loud it's greatest fears.

The happiness inside me,
Sprinkles bliss around the room.
The smell of Exhilaration,
Signals my heart to start jumping.

I can't believe,
That this amazing talent,
Can do so much to me.

But, hey, that's poetry.

Drop
          Drop
                    Drop

That could either be the sound of rain,
Or the beat of my heart retreating from the dead.
Beating for you –
Like it used to.

Drop
         Drop
                  Drop

You hear that?
Tell me if that was the sound of the storm
Or my heart weeping once again,
For you.

You would have thought
I was over you.
But once a broken heart,
always a broken heart.

Sure you can mend it-
But can't you see the lining of the cracks engraved?
See how deep they've gone,
Enough to ruin it forever.

I may not cry much now,
But the silent, unshed tears
Are the ones that matter the most.
They carry my soul
Through each non-existent molecule.

You can't hear
The screams of terror
For thinking I still love you,
Through the undying storm.

When you love someone
You idealize a dream
With the two of you.
And when when you find out
What you wanted was one-sided,
Would you wish to still love them?

It's hard when what my mind wants
Does not synchronize
With my heart.

It's hard to breath
With all this air surrounding me,
Giving me space to think about you,
And I refuse to.

Why can't the rain
Dampen my feelings
To the extent of being paper,
And tearing easily apart?

Why can't the storm
Soften my  heart,
Leaving it numb
So my desires would be hidden,
And finally, weaken.

Leaving no space for you.

But, here's the thing:
The untamed storm
Perfectly reflects my devotion
Of what I once had-
And still have- for you.

I carried an eternal infatuation for you,
And I still do.

The Girl who reads.
That’s another name for me.
 
The one who is kept content
By reading fictional lives.
 
From Harry Potter to Cather in the Rye,
I read.
At the parking lot. At home.
Under a tree, or in the library.
You’d find me,
The one who reads.
 
Call me a bookworm,
Since I am.
Infinite words captured in my mind
Caught in the neurons,
Waiting to be known and learnt.
 
I read within reason:
To dream. To imagine. To hope.
 
I read for the emotion I won’t get in reality no matter how much I plead.
 
Reading builds up tension
And the urge to finish.
Not aware what’s on the other side of a page
Can **** someone within.
 
To be engrossed in a book,
Shutting the world outside,
Hearing nothing but words,
While patience is on the edge
Waiting to fly.
 
The despair that fills you
When you realized a character died.
The one you loved, the one that was fun-
The one you wished existed.
 
Or maybe the romance,
As you realize who your perfect one is,
Your “meant-to-be”,
Doesn’t exist either.
Never will.
 
You cry, you scream,
You sigh, you dream.
 
When a book is not found,
You are in a Trans, a pensive mood.
A profusion of questions bundled in  your head-
Who? What? Where? How? Why?
And all you can think about for the rest of day,
Is going back to bury your nose in a book,
To find the secrets it refuses to tell you.
To find the treasure between the lines.
 
Call me a book freak,
I won’t deny it.
I’d be complimented, actually.
I can’t help these numerous words
That keep spilling out.
 
But I know I’m not the only one.
Heck, I know I'm not crazy.
 
I'm not the only one that sees
The irony of life,
Innumerable paths,
The alternative
And countless paths.
 
Reading helps you learn this, not only academics, not matter what people say.
 
Reading, to some, is to live.
Reading, to some, is to learn.
Reading, to some, is Cloud 9 when things get really bad.
 
To me, it’s my everything.

I stared at the girl before me. The voices in my head from the years before were echoing inside.

You are so smart. I wish I could have a mind like yours
You are talented. The words you write on the page are gold.
I know you will do so great one day.

The girl they talked about was someone I couldn’t recognize.

I touched my face and the girl in front of me touched hers. My fingers traced down to my lips where a smile usually sat. I tried to curve  them but it hurt, so I let them fall into a grim line.

Much better.

I felt the tingles as my hand reached my eyes and the girl had bags under hers. I caught a glimpse of something shimmering in her eyes; tears. Why was she crying?

My cheeks are wet.

I stared at her face and saw the pale skin that clung to her bones. She looked like she could be healthier.  Be happier. I wanted to make her happier.

But what is there to be happy about?

I couldn’t recognize the girl in the mirror. I didn’t know who she was. My eyes focused on her until her face became disoriented and blurred. I blinked and could only see a mess of her.
A mess of me.
My hands fell limp to my side as I watched us cry together. She didn’t reach out to me. I didn’t reach out to her. I didn’t want to know her. I didn’t want to know me.

The girl everyone talked about, the girl in the mirror and the girl who I thought I was had nothing in common. They stood out. For better and for worse. No one knew who the real me was. I don’t know who the real me is. I feel like if I did it would make even less sense to me. I’m not smart. I’m not talented. Who was that girl in their heads? She was not me. She can’t be.
Why did the girl in the mirror have to resemble me? Why was my reflection the scariest thing I’ve ever seen?
Why did she make more sense to me than the girl in everyone else minds?

She was hurting. She was broken.

*Am I broken?

He was popular, she was just a school girl
He thought he was alone, she thought she was known
He thought he had nothing, The girl knew that he didn't know he had everything. 
He found himself imperfect, the girl thought about how he was famous, good, smart, alive, had a family, had food, had a roof above his head.
He yearned to be perfect, but the girl knew all along that he was.
He waited for something to come, the girl had waited  long enough.
He wanted a distraction, she WAS the distraction.
He thought he was a goner, the girl who hated her birth day was already gone.
He Wanted to run away from the truth, the girl only knew the truth.
He supposed he was lonely, the girl had cried on her special day 'cause no one cared.
He was smart, she had parents screaming for better.
He was talented, she was a mystery, never to be revealed.
He was perfect, the girl realized she'll never be.

A language spoken so well around the world.

My teachers would use the synonym “irony”.

I simply disagree. Sarcasm is showing the obvious by saying it isn’t. Irony is simply having the world hate you. And, being someone you’re not. It has many definitions but I’m here to talk about something else. So here goes:

Sarcasm.

A language spoken well around the world.
My teacher would use the synonym ‘irony”.
It makes things seem different.
It shows annoyance.
Some don’t get it,
But that’s the beauty of it.                                                                  ­                       
Most use it for fun,
And a joke is cracked.
But some find it hurtful,
Some just can’t.
It needs emotion,
Which is something people don’t have.
Therefore always going back,
And making the joke sour.

 
What I love about it,
Is that anyone can speak it.
Sometimes not knowing it,
Sometimes knowing it.
But any language or sign
Can have this weird dialect.
And that’s how everyone around the world,
Becomes closer together.
Another thing to the list,
That everyone has in common.

 
As I say,
Some are fluent,
Some aren’t.
That’s what I appreciate,
It’s the one thing you and I have in common.

 
Stupidity is what it starts with,
As one points out the obvious.
Then the other emphasizes on that,
Pointing out the dumbness.
Anyone can laugh out loud,
Anyone can cry,
But it’s what keeps us together,

Our stupid sarcasm.

I watched you out in the open
Staring at nothing
Mouth sewn shut
Eyes glazing at the world.

Your beautiful face
For once is not comical,
When I so badly want it to be.

The roots are climbing up your body,
Keeping you firm on the ground.
Now you can't run to me,
Hug me, Kiss me
Or tell me you love me.

Tears run down my eyes
As my feet carry me towards you.
I run my hands along your body,
Feeling only fabric,
No sign of life in you.

If you knew I was there
You showed no emotion of it.
I bite my lip as I watch you,
Watch you ignore me,
Like I wasn't crying for you.

I wrap my arms around your stiff body,
Feeling my heart race,
But yours still.

Do you not love me any more?
Do you not feel the same?
Please talk to me,
I miss you so much.

I'm sorry for erupting into an angry mess,
I'm sorry for taking it out on you.
I'm sorry if I was not good enough,
But I promise you I will.
Please don't give up on me,
I still love you.

Time ticks by,
But your eyes are still black buttons,
And your mouth is still stitches,
Your body is still sewn fabric,
And your voice is still silent.

I cannot bear the truth,
It hurts for it to sink in.
I don't want it to be true-
Please, tell me it isn't.

But as the seconds go by,
And you don't respond,
I realize that I cannot do anything about it.
It must be true.

You've turned Scarecrow on me.

The words were carved,
Into her dead back,
The blood so bright,
It could be seen from afar. 

Eyes wide open,
Red streaming down her face,
As if she were crying,
What was in left in her veins.

Another death threat,
Were staring at us in the face.
There was more to come,
Even after this gruesome tragic.

Her hands tied behind her back,
Body bare,
Ripped clothes strewn across the grass,
And a knife shone.

Contrast from silver to blood,
Her DNA splattered across the whole ground.

The darkness of the night,
Couldn't hide,
The ****** red body,
Freshly dead.

Scent of abuse
And a hint of scars,
She left the world in pain,
We could feel her spirit haunting the air.

Forced were the wounds,
On her back shaped like words,
"Until the blood has been bled,
I will be back, for the rest of my revenge"

I stand in the shower,
Addicted to the warm water,
Never wanting to leave,
Just like you.

I was so addicted,
To your smile,
I never wanted,
To let go.

I wait,
Feeling the droplets,
Of water,
Trail down my back,
Like your fingers.

You'd reassure me,
Grazing my body,
Telling me,
It'll be okay.

The soap,
Roams down my body,
Cleaning away the dirt,
But not our memories.

I want them to,
Because I miss you,
I need you,
Right now.

The tears,
Stream down my face,
But are disguised,
My the water.

The smell,
Of my shampoo,
Reminds me,
Of your cologne.

Why did I let you go?
I obviously miss you.
But you hurt me,
In a way I shouldn't forgive,
But I'm so ready,
To take it back.

I want you,
I need you,
I love you,
So much.

It hurts to know,
I let go,
Of the best thing,
That has ever happened,
To my life.


I still love you.

Silence- complete absence of sound.

It's funny,
How they think silence,
means you can't hear a thing.

But you can hear silence.

It's so fricking loud.

I was walking down
The gravel of the school,
Suddenly I felt,
Like a shadow was behind me,
Staring, looking, waiting.


I hoped it was him.
I wanted it to be him.
I wanted to believe it was him.
I hoped and prayed it was him.
Even if there was a chance it wasn’t.


I wanted it to be so badly.
I wanted to take back my words.
Tell him that I loved him,
That age didn’t matter.

 
Tell him that,
He didn’t have to be with her,
That I was there,
For him.

 
Tell him we could change the world,
Break the rules,
Make a difference.
Tell him that it was me he wanted,
And I knew.

 
Tell him that I could finally,
Have the happy ever after,
That I always wanted.
That nothing could stop us.
 

I wanted him to know,
That we can have,
Everything we wanted,
That life wasn’t something to hate.
 

I wanted to tell him,
That I would die happy,
If took my hand,
And held onto it,
Until it was my end.

 
I wanted him to know,
That I loved him,
And I wanted to know,
If he felt the same.


I wanted,
My life to take a turn,
Be what it should be,
Be what I wished.


I wanted,
To wrap my arms around him,
And hold on,
Till death did us apart.

 
I wanted him to know,
That we can.
I kept praying,
Not letting the negative in,
Keeping my hopes up,
Then I turned around.

 
There was no one.

Sometimes I just wish I could sink into the void inside of me, detach my soul from every part of me so I become a lifeless body.
So I can seep away from existence, fall into myself, and never see the light of day again, never be afraid that it will be burn me
Again.

If loving you is a sin,
Then consider me the *Devil

Everyone wants to be stoic.
Absorbing emotions,
But never really showing it.

Like a sponge-
It absorbs water
But you can never tell it has.

Unless, of course,
There is too much.
Then it gets heavier,
And heavier,
And heavier,
The emotions piling up,
To the extent of spilling.
It then leaks through every hole-
Of water,
Emotions, feelings.

Unexpectedly
It bursts.
At the wrong moment,
With the wrong people,
Watching every single
Wrong move.

Stoic people are still people,
They're just better at keeping their emotions.
But having it all bottled up
Is like having poison flowing through your body-
Intoxicated.

To be stoic is not easy,
But to not be,
Is.

And sometimes,
It's best.

To have all your emotions
Bottled up,
Is never good.
One day you will erupt
Your emotions burning lava
Everywhere, at everyone.

To be stoic is a gift
But also a curse.

Would you want to be the stoic sponge,
Leaking constantly without knowing it?

Stars

He held my hand as my head dipped into the sea of stars.

My eyes were watching the galaxies,
While my heart was watching ours.

The milky way enlightening his heart,
While his smile enlightening mine.

His laugh brighter than the little gases above.

The grass beneath our bodies,
Pulling me closer to him.

His lips meeting my forehead,
While the stars met the moon.

They must have met each other before,
Every night.
Maybe they became friends,
And soon best friends.
Maybe after a few more nights of playing hide and seek,
They decided they wanted to be more-

Just like us.

His whispers in my ear,
Making me shiver.
And the stars start to turn
Deeper into the dark night.

And your scent
As your arms wrap around me,
Making me feel warm.
The stars making the earth
Feel dark
And at home.

And while we lay down
On the grass,
I hold your hand,
Hoping to never let go
Of our little infinity.

Our infinity...

Our infinity...

Our infinity...

Tell me he's not mine,
Tell he's not perfect,
Tell me he hasn't got an amazing smile,
Tell me he's not worth it.

Tell me he's not beautiful,
Tell me he's not the one,
Tell me he's not a miracle,
Brought from above.

Tell me he doesn't make me happy,
Tell me I don't need him.
Tell me his eyes don't melt me,
Tell he hasn't made his way within.

Tell me his words don't soften my heart,
Tell me he's love for someone else,
Doesn't hurt.
Tell me we can never be apart,
Tell me this feeling doesn't burn.

You can tell me anything,
But I don't care.
I Love him, he's amazing,
No one could compare.

If this is what he makes me feel like,
I adore it.
Us together feels so right,
Ive fallen in Love with him.

When you're alone
And you don't have a book to befriend,
You think-
And that can get scary.

Thinking about your loneliness,
Trying to humour yourself somehow.
Until you slip slightly deeper into your mind.

Then, life in general
Becomes your thought priority.
Exams, friends, family,
Exes.

Love.
Weeping echoes the borders of your mind.
Slightly mock crying
That you have no love life,
Or that your previous ones have burnt.
Just like the edges of your balance.

You stumble further,
Deliberating depression,
And how life is too cruel on you.
No one deserves you.

You fall, eventually
Into nothing.
Hearing your thoughts
Echo around you.

Then they start to scream.
As if terror caught hold of their voices
And shoved it through a megaphone-
Making their fear louder.
Your fears louder.
It's hard to think,
While tumbling endlessly,
Into nothing.

You're falling into a bottomless Thought machine.

The voices stop.
Abruptly.

Instead, you hear faint music.
Flutes.
Playing like wind-
Softly,
Suddenly you're floating.
As if on a cloud.

You look up,
To see the faintest light;
Hope.
Yet it's disappearing.
However, for once you aren't afraid.
But, the bright is closing in.
The light that you once thought didn't exist
Is making it's appearance stronger,
By vanishing.

Can you hear that?
It's the music-
Not so soothing anymore.
Not soft, but loud.
Not sweet, but bitter.

The horror clearly laid out
Through each note.

Can you hear the rapid movements,
The never ending spiral of notes,
The minor clearly being played,
Loud enough to get to the inner soul?

The cloud has vanished,
You are falling-
And the ground refuses to appear.

Wind of thoughts rushing,
Terror music playing,
Your rapid thoughts repeated out loud,
Turning into cries of help.

You can't move up,
You can't stop,
You can't breath
Any more.

What is happening?
Where are you?
Is this what it's like,
To be lost in your mind?

Eventually,
your knees buckle.
The ground resurfaces,
And you can sort of feel again.

But standing up,
you look above.
No light.

You walk around, feel your boundaries,
Smooth as silk.

You strain your ears to hear a thing,
Silence.

You try to hold it the tears in,
When realization dawns upon you;
You are trapped
In the midst of your thoughts.
Forever.

I watched as her hair bobbed up and down,
Her eyes sparkled like the ocean,
And her smile widen in beauty

We were one,
We were the best,
She had her beauty,
While I had my brains

We sat together, 
ate together, 
laughed together,
Our worlds revolved around each other

We were solid particles, never separated,
Yet closer than ever,
We were a maths problem
Her + Me = Forever

But, like in any other love story,
I feel in love with her,
How could I not,
She was a demon who captured my heart

God, take this love,
As a sign to the angels,
Let me be her man,
There's nothing more that I want,

My soul longs for her touch,
Whispers for her kiss,
Dies for her smile,
This is my 

True Love.

Sometimes I wonder what would've happened if the universe was in your hands.
I know you'd be able to control everything- have it all your own way, as you please.
But I also know you'd shove the world between us, giving us an infinite amount of space no one could imagine. In my heart I'd have the meteors creating black holes.
In your eyes you'd have the stars making a whole new galaxy that doesnt consist of me.
So, really, even in a possibility as such,
Nothing would have changed.
You'd still have left me for her.

It's funny, 
How a girl who has talents to stand out, is unnoticed. All the time. 

She sits down silently,
Counting the hours 'till it ends,
While everyone looks past her,
As if she was a ghost.

'Am I invisible?' She asks herself.

She counts,
Everyone acknowledging smile,
Hoping they finally see her,
But is yet to be disappointed, again.

People wave at her,
When she's alone.
But that's all the attention she gets,
That's all she has.

She silently cries,
She knows it's pathetic,
But she only wants to be known,
To be a somebody

Dreams of being famous,
Standing onstage.
But sadly realizing,
It's just a fake.

The one person she loves,
Is wrapped in his own world.
A world where she's the background,
A world where she doesn't exist.

So, it's fair,
These tears streaming down her face,
She wants to stand out,
Be different.

She tries so hard,
With her polite smiles,
Her funny tone,
But it's not good enough.

So, she writes it down,
To the world.
Where people don't see her face
But her words, for once.

She can show her true colors,
Through things she loves,
Which is poetry,
Posted to the universe.

She prays,
That there is someone reading,
Someone who sees through her words,
Gets the clue,
Helps her.

All she has to do, 
Is wait.
But that's what she has been doing,
For her past life.

These tears are for something more,
Something that matters to us all,
But we find it so easy,
That we forget that there are people,
Who can't.

So, I write it down,
To the world.
Where people can't see my face,
But my words, for once.

I write, because I want you to know,
This world will never be perfect.
*Never

They coo over a child,
A child that isn't so different to me.
But he has a cute face,
Charming smile.

Everything I don't.

My parents love them as if they never had a child.

While I fade into the background,
Yet the tears fresh and shinning,
The only thing that makes me stand out.
Yet, I still fail.

I fail to be what everyone wanted me,
To be.

I'm sorry for being myself,
I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment.

I'm sorry,
So I'll fade here,
Unnoticed.

His fingers,
Traced down,
The permanent ink,
Stained all over her body.
 
She smiled,
At the feel,
Of his unique,
Touch.
 
But even she knew,
Beneath the pleasure,
Of their skin in contact,
He was searching.
Searching for something more,
For their unsure love.
 
He branched his fingers,
Over her fragile body,
Wanting to know,
If this was right,
If she was worth it.
 
He then pressed his lips,
Against hers,
And the sparks were flying,
Just like the first.
 
Yet she knew,
He was distracting her.
His fingers and eyes,
Had hints of only lust.
 
Even if his hands,
Were running up her spine,
She could picture,
His hands doing the same to another.
 
She refused to cry,
At least she was one,
Of the many,
He probably had.
 
As much as she wished,
There was no proof,
But only an abundance,
Of possibilities.
 
Still, she was under the impression,
He might have love for her.
 
But he was now questioning,
If she was his pretty face,
Or something more?
 
The light they had,
Seems to drift away,
But he doesn’t want to let go forever,
Not just yet.
 
He slowly whispers,
“I Love You,”
But she can see right through.
So many secrets, it hurts.
 
Tears break the spell,
Falling down her once rosy cheeks.
She thought he loved her,
Once.
 
He doesn’t notice,
Since she is too damaged,
She cannot speak.
He only kisses her deeper,
But with no emotions,
This burns her to the core.
 
She stays still,
Letting him play with her body.
This is the only way,
To show him she’s in pain,
But it only makes him deepened the pleasure.
 
If only she was prettier,
Nicer, better than the rest,
Then maybe, just maybe,
He could find the heart to love her.
 
Neither was sure,
If they chose the right path,
So instead,
They both are hurting bad

That moment when your realize,
You've taken a step too far,
You can't take it back,
You're ruined forever.

Only when you leave,
Do I realize

I need you in my life.

She's dead,
The one who loved me and gave me care.
She held me in her arms when safety was rare.

She's gone.
All my hopes drained. She was my everything and kept me maintained.

She'll never come back.
She was my everything, put me in front of her.
She was all I had, forever.

She's no more.
My life has ended, has no meaning?
I'll have no peace, no reasoning.

I Love her.
My mother's dead, she always made my day. Now she's gone,
I have no more to say.

It's so frustrating,
When I can reach you,
You aren't around,
But when I can't reach you,
You're begging for my attention.

Staring at you.
I think of my future.
Will you be in it,
I wonder?

I think of the negatives,
If we ended up together.
But how can I dream
Of something that is clearly impossible?

Staring at you,
I think of what you've done.
To steal my heart,
When you meant no harm.

You did many things,
Not directed to me.
But look who's falling,
Falling hard from my Love tree.

I'd be lying if I said her grave was my only memory of her.

But, it was the one I remembered the most.
How could I forget?
She was family.
She always will be.

She had taken part of my heart with her.
Kept in her hands
and they burned together.
It was part of my soul I saw lifeless,
Part of my heart.

Now, I live alone with ashes in its' place.
She was taken away from me and I
Was torn.

Exaggeration?
I think not.
I have the ripped edges upon my skin to prove it.

I cannot cry-
I refuse to, they would say.
But really, I had no guts to do it.
I couldn't cry because it made the truth
All the more real.

To not be able to touch,
Speak,
Hear,
Feel her presence
Was a nightmare come true.

Was everything going to be alright?
Not if she wasn't there to kiss me goodnight.
Not is she wasn't there to ask about my well being.
Not if she wasn't there to witness all my achievements
And not if she wasn't there to catch me when I fall.
No, not at all.

Food made me starve
Water made me thirsty,
I needed her to live;
She gave me love and serenity.

Fate, you were cruel
To rip her away from my life,
I did good yet I deserved death of a loved one?
I beg for you to bring her back-
She means the world to me-
I need her.

Is it not enough to pray?
Is it not enough to love everything I get?
Is it not enough to take care of the family I have left?
Is it not enough to beg?
Is it not enough for everyone to come before myself?
Is it not enough to love her with all my heart even after she's gone?

After the amazing life she gave me
I still only remember her gravestone-
She deserved to live longer.
Why did she die when there were people who needed death more?
Why were you, death, cruel to her?
She was perfect for you but mostly me.
I guess you wanted her more.
Selfish you were.
How could you?

I can't take anymore of this.

I beg you, please
Please bring her back.
I love her.
I need her.
She can't be gone.
I'm nothing without her.

Please.

I opened my eyes to only see the void.
So I fill it up.
I fill it up with words, but not any words;
Poetry.

I am made of different things,
That is why everyone believes,
I have no soul,
No feelings.

that it doesn't hurt,
When I know I'm the one,
That keeps lovers apart,
Keeps the right from the wrong.

They think it doesn't hurt,
When people punch me in frustration.
They don't make a dent,
But they do to my heart.

I might be what keeps people safe,
But the glares shot at me,
Are filled with hatred and anger,
But all I do is be me,
It's my job.

People overlook me. 
But when they do,
It's as a problem.
They think I'm not real,
That I don't feel.

I would cry if I could,
Get rid of myself,
So people would be happy,
And not hate me.

I lock people,
Block the outside from the in.
Hurt people,
Without me knowing.

I am something,
People wish a away.
I wish I could disappear,
Making smiles reappear. 

Everyone hates me,
Detest my infinite width,
Loathe my secure body,
But I can't help it.

I'm just  a wall.

Please don’t let me be like my Mother.

Don’t let me be the woman
Who never gave me a second glance
Because whenever it came to children
She stopped loving at one.

Don’t let me be
The woman who gave her all to the first born,
But when it was me
She gave it all up.

Don’t let me be the woman who smoked
Half a lung into ashes,
Every night thinking I don’t see
The grey puffs rising to my window
Darkening my room
Choking me as it slowly became the air I breathe.

When I grow up,
Don’t make me marry a man
Who never loved
And lived for numbers upon papers
Caring more about his reputation
Than his own blood he weaved into
Us.

When I grow up
Let me teach my children
Happiness and what it is like to smile,
Instead of drilling into their brains
All the reasons they should cry
And drown in their tears.

When I grow up,
Don’t let me search for my dreams
At the bottom of a shot glass
Taking more and more
As I get drunk on false, temporary happiness.

Don’t let me come home to my children,
Telling them how useless they are,
Throwing things at them
And finally collapsing into a heap of hopelessness.

Please don’t let my children
Have a father who never even cared
Enough to remember their birthdays
Let alone save them from the nightmare
That was their Mom.

Don’t let me become
The reason my children cried at their reflection
Because beauty never defined them
The reason they refused to eat
Since the flesh on their body
Kept growing in their eyes only.

Never let me be the woman
Who found only the ecstasy
She bought through men each night.

Even then it wasn’t love.
Even now it isn’t love.
She never learned to love people like me.
But I loved her.

Yet it was forced,
I only saw the mistakes she made
Every time I looked at her.
Including myself.

Please, when I grow up,
Let me learn to love my skin
And suffocate in all the things that make me
Beautiful.

Let me prove to the woman who claimed
To have raised me up
That I will never make the same errors or ever be like her.

I’ll love, I’ll live, I’ll care.
Three things she never grew up to do.

When I grow up,
Please don’t let me be like my Mother.

Because the last time I loved you, you shattered my heart into millions of pieces. There were so many, I stopped trying to collect them. Instead, I swept the jagged pieces away, burning them to ashes, hoping, praying over the fire a new one would eventually grow.