a mirror
a piece of glass
an object that
with one wrong touch
would shatter into a myriad of pieces
in a fight against my fist,
it is powerless

so tell me why
such a fragile entity
holds such power
over my life?

tell me why
my reflection
laughs at my confidence
causing the ground to quake
and my heart to flutter.
my certainty begins to dwindle
as the mirror
holds my self-esteem in its clear grasp
and cleaves from me
what little conviction
I have left

tell me why
what stares back
gives me sleepless nights
thinking about the differences
between my reflection
and that of
those surrounding me
although it shouldn’t matter that I’m different
and that I should have pride in being an individual

tell me why the shards hurt
and tear apart my skin
piece by piece
**** by ****
before the glass
has even been broken

tell me why
the eyes of others
make me feel
as if I need to change who I am
to meet their beliefs
of what a girl should be

tell me
what should a girl be?
should she be pretty and poised?
slender and tall?
curvy skin
a full face of seamless makeup?

I am a girl
who is as brave as I am smart
and who is as strong as I am beautiful
and while the shards of glass
and those behind
tell me I am not
I know my place
I know my purpose

sadness isn’t just something you keep to yourself -
it’s a ******* infection.

it comes out with every word, every breath,

every whisper and every tear.

it leeches off you like a plague

and spreads from the pain you leave behind.

it goes after the ones you care about most,

threatening to bring them down with you.

mocking you.

taunting you.

until there’s silence -

an overwhelming silence that pounds in your skull and attacks your heart.

it’s hot but chilling.
it’s painful but deserving.

it eats away at what little of you is left.

it doesn’t slow.
it doesn’t stop.

until there’s nothing left for the sickness to prey upon.

until the silence wins its game.

some days I wonder-
how much of me is really left?
I've been eroding away, nonstop;
does my soul still see the light?

I was dusk and you were dawn,
you were the knight while I was a pawn.
so as you rose I began to set,
the night consumed by horrific threats.
I couldn't move, I couldn't see -
the night had taken control of me.
I struggled, I wept, I became insane,
but to you up above, I was just a game.
I began to beg, I started to plea,
for you to help - to set me free.
so when the darkness let me drown,
you didn't know, for you weren't looking down.

I blame my ignorance
for my view on reality;
my hopes were so high,
but now they've become
my d
            o
               w
                   n
                      f
                         a
                             l
                                l.