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is this what heartbreak feels like?
i can't remember
if i've ever felt it before

my chest feels like
something knotted
too tight, too much,
unable to be undone

it's under my ribs,
sitting soundly beneath the sternum;
it's in my throat,
like a lump i can't throw up

it's the pincers squeezing
at the back of my eyes
trying their best, though still failing,
to make me cry

it's supposed to be a good thing
that we moved on,
that you rid me from your system

i thought i rid you too
but the confirmation of your fresh start
has made me feel
like i'm getting nowhere fast,
nowhere soon

i've no right to be so undone,
lost the right to hurt for us
a long time ago, but

i guess heartbreak doesn't give a ****
about time or circumstance
it shatters you when it pleases,
and you don't know
if you can fix together the pieces
 Jan 2018 Belen Rubio
Victoria
You are velvet.
You're from before,
But I'm trying to be more present.
You're s
            o
            f
            t    & comfortable.
But I don't want you anymore.
These days, I'd rather wear leather.
 Jan 2018 Belen Rubio
exist
the only thing i'm following to tomorrow is the involuntary beat of my heart
I miss sleep.
I miss the peace that comes with it.
Erasing the day.
Running rapid in the world of my subconscious.
Those days seem so far away.

I find myself running on empty.
On pure fumes.
My thoughts are endless.
Bringing me to the cliffs of mania.
All my wants, needs, goals and things I want to accomplish keep me up until the sun peeks through my window pane.

I'm swimming in my own pool of exhaustion because my success hangs at my finger tips.

I find myself unable to shut it off.
The desire.
The passion, and determination that fuels me to wake up everyday.
But,
I am simply put, tired of running inside my head 24/7.


I want to slow down.
But my need to succeed wins again.
Overpowering my need to slow things down.

I wish you knew what it felt like to walk into a room, notice every color of every detail on every wall.
To hear every sound, even the unnoticeable fly that circles round.
The endless chatter of passing people.
The entrance doors that squeak when you walk through the door.
Knowing every exit to every room.
It drives me crazy to notice so much.
If only for just a moment I knew how to quiet the mind and drown out the sound.
The sound of life all around me..
And how crazy this all sounds.
Me vale, si me vale
si piensas que soy asi
¿te digo por que?
por que no es cierto
¿me lo has preguntado?

Me vale, si me vale
¿sabes por que?
por que soy conciente
de mis acciones
y te las puedo explicar.

Me vale, si me vale
por que escucho
y puedo decidir
entre pastel o carbon.

Me vale, si me vale
no es que no sea sensible
es solo que me resvalan
las afirmaciones sin carne, ni hueso.

Me vale, si me vale
es que prefiero aventurarme,
soy ateo cuando te escucho,
no a dios, sino a tus cuentos.
 Jan 2018 Belen Rubio
Mya
Te Amo
 Jan 2018 Belen Rubio
Mya
Tú eres mi mundo
y lo más importante para mi
As I drive home winter still falling and still heavy all around me.
I'm calm, collected, and happy.

I know there will be silence after I've greeted my whining dog so happy I made it home.

I'll watch a movie same as always.
Not boring at all.
I'll prepare a meal and eat happily alone.

A hot bath will come next.
Lined with candles and bubbles that last.
The smell of lavender will fill my nose and my eyes will soon close.
I'll indulge in the hot steaming water letting all my worries fade away.

Because after a long day whose to say being alone wasen't just what you needed.
 Jan 2018 Belen Rubio
Athena
Yesterday has gone from now
Nothing can change but the future
The future, which remains undetermined
Every choice a somber moment
Even those made in a bout of bliss
Can lead to regret and sorrow
The want to change you
O, how I only wish I could.

I long for you, Yesterday
And every Yesterday from before
The temptation, the desire
The need to change every mistake
O, how I only wish that I could.

My desire for a Yesterday is as great
As the thirst for a cold beverage
On a hot summers day
When the sun is at its peek
And fire burns on the horizon
The need to change every decision
O, how I only wish that I could.

Yesterday, you were mine
Today, why have you stolen her?
My kind, sweet Yesterday
Bitter, from a dark, lonely night
Turnt every which way
The need to give you that love you desire
O, how I only wish that I could.

Maybe then, Yesterday, you might have stayed
You might not have flown away
Never to be seen again
Yesterday, I say your name so casually
I mean it lovingly
But Today has stolen my Yesterday
And every Yesterday before her
Seeking the affection that I do not give
O, how I only wish that I could.
 Jan 2018 Belen Rubio
S P Lowe
ADHD
 Jan 2018 Belen Rubio
S P Lowe
sometimes
                                                       ­                         my
                                     ­ brain
                       doesn’t
                                                       ­     work

right
                                                ­                               and

                             my

                                              thoughts

     ­                                         scatter

               ­                                                    like
                               beads

                                     spilled
                               on
                                                              ­                 tile

floor
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