Too much ******,
I had to be your heroine,
But I knew I could never save you.

You were suppressed of all your emotions,
The real ones at least.
Telling me lies all the time,
I couldn't trust you anymore.

When you fall asleep with me, you don't keep me warm.
Just a skinny, little shell of a beautiful body
That I miss so much.

Track marks down your arms,
Like little bits of hell.
I feel them and kiss them while you sleep,
Because I love you, I love you so dearly.
I know one day morning I'll wake up and you won't be there.
A long, long battle you stopped fighting forever ago will finally be lost.
You took your last breath, and I wasn't awake for it,
I was dreaming too deeply that when I awoke, things would be different.

I couldn't be your ******, and I couldn't be your heroine either.

"It's ok to cry just don't let them see."
Words my mother taught me.
She never told me who "them" was supposed to be.

So I assumed them was the world and built up walls.
Not to push people away,
just to protect myself-
from unspecified dangers and risks.
Like heartbreak, and heartache and being breakable.

But brick by brick you're crumbling those walls.
Without even trying, there's no force at all.

And I feel like Jericho,
where suddenly I'll be open...
And what if I get burned too?

Letters work in unison,
Words act in tandem,
Sentences form what we call poetry,
They help us understand 'em.

I reached into my pocket to find an idea.

I must've lost it...

I recently got reminded... Oh how I am caught
In a delicate web of disillusions
Make me see what is actually not
Make invisible my heart's secret questions

Been successful in putting aside all grief
But truth has it's way to make you pay
You can bury all grievances; you can mask all disbelief
But it'll all catch up; these things you've kept at bay

Make your silly compromises
To have the the best you just make allowances
Keep up your futile pretences
Accommodate your selfish preferences

Day had dawned where each question need their answer
Questions I've shrugged and left unaddressed
Indistinguishable when fact and fiction begin to blur
When dreams and reality have coalesced

Tonight I lay with the load I bring
Body asleep with my heart fully awake
Blessing or curse, this rude awakening
Decisions and choices left for the following suns to make

I can't write...
     I have a stash of twenty drafts, bearing a couple of lines each
I can't crack...
     Every draft seem to have developed a shell I can't breach
I can't gather...
     My thoughts so I could nurture these drafts to fruition
I can't think...
     The clatter in my head meant only to deafen
I can't fathom...
     What went right from what had gone completely awry
I can't find...
     Much needed sanity to let soar and fly
I can't cry...
     The tears I've beckoned for so very badly
I can't scream...
     Only muffled gurgles of notions drowned at sea
I can't see...
     The bigger picture...that consumed us both
I can't hear...
     Except for the dreaded voice of reason that I loathe
I can't piece...
     Together one decent little write

I can't breathe...
     I can't breathe...*I'm losing this fight