yúyīn

Nov 2017

karen1234

Emo

Never allow someone to be your priority while you're just their option.

Nov 2017

Ben Fernekees

Woke up,
Tripped down,
Scrapped my knee on the way to the ground,

No trace of blood,
No trace of blood,

Another victim of the dark,
Scared to walk into the light,
Scared to put down the knife,
Scared to know he was never right,

No trace of blood,
No trace of blood,

The night before? Hiding.
The day before? Running.
The week before? Crying.
The month before? Shaking.

No trace of blood,
No trace of blood,

Too many words in one head,
Too many thoughts driving to madness
Filling up and emptying away,
Unable to escape as the fire consumes,

No trace of blood,
No trace of blood,

One last day before the darkness,
Nothing more noticeable then the silence of voices,
All awaiting what's next,
All watching, as I lay in the pool that gathers.

No trace of blood,
No trace...

#death #depressed #anxiety #dark #thoughts

Nov 2017

Ben Fernekees

Mental Illness

My depression tells me I'm not wanted
My ADHD tells me to go find someone who will want me because sitting here won't change anything
My anxiety tells me to hide from anyone who might want to talk to me
While my bi polar argues about if it's worth talking to anyone or not
My psychosis tells me that everyone I could need is in my mind
While showing me things I don't want to see
How do you find your point in life
When your head keeps telling you otherwise?

#depression #anxiety #mentalillness #adhd #latenightthoughts #psychosis

Nov 2017

alex

to the boy whose poem i saved

when a boy shows you his hands
bare except for the dust
he’s begging you to look past
take them in yours.
squeeze them once.
twice.
say without speaking
that you understand that the valleys
in his palms were meant to cradle
shooting star wishes
that he’s allowed to still hope for.
when a boy shows you his eyes
of milk and crimson and melanin
a bloodshot vein for every night he can’t sleep
let him shut his eyelids.
say without speaking
that you understand that the black hole pinpricks
of his irises hold more than the universe
should allow.
when a boy shows you his soul
shivering but still working toward friction
iced over but still working toward melting
let him come to rest next to yours.
say without speaking
that you understand that he is lonely
and that his silence speaks volumes
and that you kept his treasure close
because you love him.
when a boy shows you his hands
show him your hands.
when a boy shows you his eyes
show him your eyes.
when a boy shows you his soul
show him that
this is a comfortable place to rest it.
when a boy shows you the hardness that shaped him
show him the softness
that you have in store.

k

#love #friendship #boy #poetry #kindness

Nov 2017

Deep Thought

This Is How You Swim (Survive)

When waves crash against you, all you can do is lie still.
While currents keep pulling you further into the ocean.
You start to appear calm, given the distance from land.
Seconds after, you realize no one has taught you how to swim.

Sinking deeper and deeper in the blue abyss.
Sensing yourself physically drown as the water engulfs your lungs.
Pressure from the ocean begins to settle in.
Suddenly, a bright light starts shimmering through the ocean.
With every inch of strength left, I decided to start swimming towards the glistening light.
As the pressure subsides, I find myself floating above water again.

*Who said you can't teach yourself how to swim.

Debilitated, that's how I've been feeling.
You might this call drowning, others may call it depression or even anxiety

#anxiety #trials #swim #depression

Nov 2017

Sincerely

It's 7:23 a.m.

It's 7 a.m. and I still haven't slept.
Maybe it was because of the game.
Or maybe it was because I can't sleep when my thoughts are screaming at me.
You told me to go to bed before 4. I wanted to. Believe me. I truly did.
But I couldn't. And I didn't.
I asked if you were mad.
You said no, instead you told me you were disappointed.
I cried.
-
Call me what you want, but that **** hits the heart.
I'm sorry I didn't sleep. That pain in your voice kills me.
And I'm afraid of death.
That's why the voices do that.
They mimic your soothing voice and turn it into my worst nightmare.
I use you as a cleanser.
Instead, they use your blood to get the counter *****.
-
No.
I'm sorry I can't sleep.
I'm sorry I'm a disappointment.
I'm sorry I'm so bad with words that I can't just tell you what's wrong.
Because I'm afraid that if I do you'll leave me.
I'm afraid to be alone.
Because when I'm alone, I think.
When I think, they appear.
Because they want to prove that I'm not alone.
So instead they show me pretty pictures of you standing there.
With the skin on your arms peeled back.
And your eyes crying blood.
Your hands outstretched with dried blood crusted down to your elbow.
-
I know.
It's just my imagination, right?
Those voices.
Those images.
They are just my imagination.
The worst part of my imagination.
-
I'm afraid.
Because I can't tell reality from my own world.
For me, both blur together.
I'm not sure what others see.
But I don't want them to see through my eyes.
Because these eyes never close.
Afterall, it's now 7:23 and I am still here, typing away. While you count sheep, I count pages of pathetic poems.

#poet #poetry #hallucinations #schizophrenia #sleep