.

4 a.m.
here i am again
why aren't we friends
you're as consistent as the pain
always there for me to blame
you're like a secret that i keep
locked in my thoughts
listening always when I'm caught

4 a.m.
here i am again
sleep left me and you're what i have
like the unwanted truth
a reflection of reality

4 a.m.
here we are
why does it hurt so bad
where is your comfort
you are here, just as i feared

4 a.m.
you're like a drug
see real life in a whole new way
the high lasts only until day

4 a.m.
you're the journal of my mind
i talk and you listen
you cover my sin

4 a.m.
all is lost
but sometimes you must loose it all
to find yourself

4 a.m.
its now almost morning
ill see you again after the day,
mourning

I ran away
But I'm not coming back this time
And all the effort we used to fight
Now we're both out of sight

You won't speak to me
And I understand why
after everything we went through
The time of day is the last thing I want from you

I love someone else
You can't stand to see it
How does it feel to see your lover
Be in the arms of another

I stood by your side
Even after I cried
On the inside I died
But now I'm alive

Now that you've gone
And I'm on my own
Living life happily
While you're all alone

Call it karma
Or call it fate
Now is my happily ever after
And you're just a little too late

don't speak
your body says it all

your anxious
my call

i read you like a book
wear your emotions like a sign

how divine

words really mean nothing
and actions say it all

well by the body actions your showing

i think your starting to fall

that deep breath of defeat.
the one you inhale, and when you exhale its like all of the
hope
energy
effort
soul
you had left just leaves your body
and you feel empty
like whatever was left of you just dissipated into the air
and after that breath that you feel is your last, though you know isn't, you just stare
blank mind
no emotion
you feel nothing.

you take a single moment to almost leave earth
and travel to your own world
collect yourself and your thoughts
and then take another deep breath.

and that next deep breath
is the one that matters
the fact that you did continue breathing
continue fighting
continue achieving
chasing
living
feeling

you take that deep breath in
scrape up the chards left of your hope
pick up the pieces of your shattered faith
and find your lost energy
and you get up and go right back to hunting down your dreams without even a second thought.

I feel like
I am in a cage
But you see
The door to this cage
It is open
And yet I stay
In this cage

I am in a cage
And outside of the cage
There is life
There is freedom
There is love
But yet
I stay in the cage

And you are that cage.

Forever is never real
Emotionally I'm beginning to deal
With the truth that love does end
Perhaps the world shouldn't pretend

In the past those who have loved you
Have inevitably let you go
Those bonds now broken
Because forever isn't so

In the present it is I
Who holds you close at night
Who's lips I kiss sweetly
Who's heart I grip tight

But if forever isn't so
I'd like your future lover to know
How lucky she is to be
If upon her your heart's bestowed

Please inform her to be grateful
Please tell her I said so
Because to hold a man like you
Is the greatest feeling I've ever known

But don't forget to warn her
Forever my dear isn't true
And in a short time she won't
Be able to love you

Because forever isn't forever
And love never lasts
I rue the day when I become
A lover from your past

It is as though I am standing
In a crowded room
Hollering "MERCY"
From the peak of my lungs
Hands trembling
Melting onto the floor
And not a sound to acknowledge me
Not my screams
Not my cries
No eye contact can be caught
I am deceasing
Dramatically and loudly
Surrounded by everyone
Surrounded by no one

I am no king
I wear no crown
I'm still weak
someway, somehow

but i hope to strengthen
as time goes by
my sensible heart
burning bright

keep me hoisted
above waves of disaster
keep my heart beating
fill my air with laughter

press down hard
push me forth ahead
keep me on my way
send me into the sunset

I could be the songbird
on your window pane
and I could take all your tears
and carry them away

I could be the sunshine
kissing your skin
your body full of warmth
shining from within

I could be the stars
that hold you while you sleep
capturing your dreams
in my arms I keep

I could be everything
anything you'd need
if you'd only let me love you
you'd never need a thing

in the morning
the sun
rises
above
the city
for a moment

and one morning
wake up early
watch your sun rise before you
he is life
he is warmth
he guilds you
he rules all

and slowly life comes to earth
he awakes us all
he peaks through the clouds
and shines very small

the colors of the rise
is such a surprise
in its beauty and its awe
its the most fairest of all

the dew on the grass
sparkle like diamonds from the sky
bringing a splash to the world
for it is alive!

mountains cut the line
with its unique silhouette
its dances across the horizon
curves as a corset

you smell the caffeinated sent
the aroma crept threw the home
your bed felt like a cloud
on top of the world

so you watch the city wake
early people get about
but its still so very quite
you hear little sound

this is the grace period
the sacred golden hour
richness gleams threw your room
and you hear a shower

its time to get up!
time to live life another day
but today you finally met
the morning in a special way

As this place I remember
Holds my past so well
Growing up in this town
A fair story to tell

Of memories made
And years gone by
Landmarks I remember
Though to everyone else are blind

I see years growing up here
Lessons learned, stories begin
I can recall all the people
And start to grin

Early mornings and starry nights
I shared all my time with this place
Though in years to come
It will all be erased

We're all just a memory
Picture, dust in this wind
Like sunrise to sunset
We begin just to end

how many lies does it take
to make yourself believe them
how many can you tell?
until you can no longer deceive them?

how many covers does it take
to smother over your sins
how many layers of lies
does it take to blind eyes?

who do you have to call
to keep you tall tales along?
who do you drag into your act
say what you said, you take back

how many people do you have to rely on
to play along
to ping and pong
to sing your song
to lie upon

your forever fear
will always rear
its ugly real truth
and continue its proof

a lie seems like nothing
until its starts to be undone
the more you drag it on
the more that will be gone

and of the moon in the night
like the sun of the day
around they move
separated by the world

though they share a passion for each other
though they have attraction
still they are
separated by the world

forever a settle sheer of desire
to be together
they eternality live
separated by the world

so they live on departed
living their lives away
with their love they are never
separated by the world

I played along with your games
While you dragged me down that beaten path
Of monsters and lies
Camouflaging my eye

I was aware of your ways
Of all of your strays
Your smoke and your haze
Thought you had me in a daze

Come to play puppeteer
Pinocheo's here
But I knew all along
Everything was wrong

And yet here I stay
Never to stray
As we keep our love on life support
Is it really love? Or just a last resort.

I'm really just daydreaming in my own world
i let my thoughts stir
let them uncurl
let them whirl around the room
and let the room twirl

i lose my mind sometimes
i get lost in my thoughts
and think of all the times
that I've been through
that I've done
and who I've become

and i let my mind fly
wild in the sky
soar around the stars at night
daydreaming in the light
oh what a sight

what a show i have going on in this brain of mine

i realized i forgot what its like to kiss you.

don't hold your breath
but hold your head up high
don't look back
don't let them see you cry

for if you act like success
thats what you'll become
keep your feet on the earth
and hands to the sun

Effort has left us
And so have my emotions
It seems like our love
Has gone through the motions

Unfortunately its time
And we need to move on
Leave our love behind
Since everything is gone

Either we've both given up
Or we simply no longer care
Whatever it is
Each other we can no longer bare

So this is au revoir
It seems our time has come
Once a blaze with love
Now nothing but numb

and today I'm just a spectator of the world
as people socialize and continue in reality
I'm behind a glass wall
observing it all

though i hear nothing but my own thoughts
my eyes drop
im an outsider to my own society
and i wonder what is wrong with me

dust kept on his gift
the one thing i have left
of his presents, of our existence

the rooms in my home still remind me
of every memory we ever made
the nights i doused in his arms
to waking up to his light

our first kiss
where it once took place
it plays in my mind
without haste

our dance in the moonlight
our deepest talks
they're every where around me
every where we use to walk

so i escape that city
and call it home no more
but every now again i feel
the past knock on the door

my heart will hold his place
tucked away to be forgotten
though ill always feel lost
ill remember what id gotten

beautiful as spring
my heart did sing
the moment of meeting you
you were the one in my dream

you bloomed into my life
became alive with love
i drowned in passion
you were sent from above

as the memories evolved
so did emotions
as blazing as summer
as deep as the oceans

but as the time went on
the light was going dim
our fire went out
with the ashes of sin

everything was changing
and so were you
abashed i was
our time ending soon

so the air turned cold
freezing with fright
alone i sat
as i thought through the night

our season was over
our love, elapsed
a new year has started
a new love has hatched

Avoiding reality
Is the normality
Of my formality

Wasted away
I'm unaware of today
Unsure what to say

My mind is twirling
As I'm hurling
My fists curling

I'm gone again
As I continue to pretend
That this isn't the end

And I gave you all
for you I stood tall
glowing with a passion for you
you were all I saw

but when you looked down on me
you saw nothing to be
just a brunette little girl
you would never set free

every time you lied to me
you'd look me in the eyes
and no guilt you felt
which is why I despise

well you've knocked me down enough
your reign is now at end
I stand tall on my own
I promise it won't happen again

Suppose I'm just a hopeless fool
To me love is so cruel
A lost cause at best
Yet something great for the rest

Suppose I was meant to be alone
Giving me a heart like stone
Contrary to belief
I wallow in my grief

Suppose it's just meant to be me
A wandering soul to be
Only one set of foot prints
Is as good as it gets

Suppose everyone can't be as lucky
And my heart has finally struck me
And it seems I need to realize
There is no one meant for these eyes

Suppose from here on
I'll just keep going strong
Keep moving along
Only myself forever and beyond

take my heart
take my hand
take my life
from where i stand

take my home
take my car
take me away
so very far

take away my breath
take away my mind
take my spirit
make me blind

strip me down
to not even a body
leave me along
before i start rotting

were made up of so much
so many things combined
but what is it that makes us
really alive

the scariest moment I've ever felt
was not knowing what to do

your whole future ahead of you
you have no clue

There is a good chance of rain
There is a great possibility
That the sky will be grey
The ground will be wet

There is a good chance times will be hard
There is a great possibility
That life will be rough
Things will be dark

There is a good chance of happiness
There is a great possibility
That things will be incredible
That life will be beyond worth living

There is a good chance of sunshine
There is a great possibility
The light will illuminate the sky
The warmth will comfort all

you want to be everything your not
for once
heres a thought
be yourself

you're all you've got

you shouldn't want to be like them
they aren't even themselves
so lost into fitting in
they think popularity sells

well ill tell you myself
be who you want to be
but don't loose yourself
trying to be a somebody

Damage and destruction
Have put us in dispair
Barely anything left
But can we still love what is there?

We've dismantled our establishment
We've destroyed what we built
Can we scramble to recover
Can we salvage and rebuild?

Look at each other
Oh, see what we have done
We're struggling to find
Reasons not to leave it behind

Something so strong
Love in its purest bond
Trying to do everything it can
To keep these two people hand in hand

There is no outcome from giving up
There is no reward for stopping
There is no overcoming
If we just stop loving.

You're waking up next to skin and bones
Because my souls become stone
You're now basically alone

I am a drained out body
My emotions have spilt across the floor
And my mind has gone scattering out the door

I don't love you anymore.

I never knew how scary love could be to me.

We are together
Whether for love or lack of loneliness
We might not share forever
But we've accomplished so much

Our times have been teathered
Overcoming obsticals and others
We've both become better
And even weak, carry on

The secrets that separate us
Seem to never keep us apart
Through the war of trust
We continue moving forward

No matter if we stay together
Or day's end are near
The memories we've made, I'll never
Forget you or what we were

What a day for rain
The drop camouflage my tears
Dark grey skies to match my eyes

Cold breeze coming through
To console my worries
I'm not alone and it reminds me

Every drop of water
Represents my love
Diminished as it hits the ground

Clenching all my fears
Thoughts and worries sink
And I think
What a day for rain

because it seems as though
if you cant control
your future you hold
what do you control

where is your say
in your life everyday
what you do today
can affect you in every way

but how do we know
where we'll really go
when we really show
what we really know

subconsciously do we pave
the way for us to slave
with everything we gave
we take our mistakes to the grave

or do we fly high
on all the good we come by
on all the things we do try
with all the light we do shine

we can't really understand
whats the real plan
we must stay strong where we stand
and give and extra hand

Reminding me of my horrors
You make sure I'm aware
I'm no perfect person
The thought I can't bare

Emotionally detach
While I reattach myself to you
Pulling away from this tug of war
Almost will have to do

Pressure is on to decide
Whether to put love aside
Keep loving without receiving
And drowning my pride

I'll be waiting patiently where I'm at
Until you choose to get rid of me
Keep in mind what I'm offering
Alone seems just too soon to be

Chest clenching anxiety
Who are you staring at now?
While chasing after your attention
I'm crazed, searching around

All I ever want is your love
Why do I need your presents to survive
When your around I'm dying
But then your touch brings me alive

What it is you do to me
In no words could I explain
All this blood my wounds have shed
I'm the only person I can blame

writing
writing can get you so deep
into dreams upon dreamt in a dream

your feelings sing
into words on a paper or screen
and you feel what they mean

you express who you are
you show you have come far
and the places we've been
and the people we meet
does make me believe
it changes everything


this is who you are
you tell to the world
communicate through words
even when writing hurts

but do tell how you feel
do not keep it concealed
let your wall fall away
start writing today

you lie
you cheat
you steal
you sneak

you're evil
you're malicious
you're cruel
you're suspicious

you hurt
you break
no matter what
is at stake

you're heartless
you're cold
you're destructive
you're uncontrolled

you've destroyed me
you've broken me down
so never ask me again
why I'm no longer around

I lost myself when I found you
But I thought
That's what I was suppose to do

Then I realized
I didn't lose who I was
I was changed by who you made me become

I thought that was suppose to happen
You were suppose to bring out the good in me

That's not at all what happened, though
Instead you brought out the worse type of sorrow