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Days of endless struggle
More hopeful pills today
Trying to appear 'normal'
In some sort of way.

It seems that the struggle
Is always here with me
And I wouldn't be here now
If guilt would leave me be

I know there's been many
Who've had it worse than I
But that doesn't always mean
That I wouldn't say good-bye

People say I have a lot going for me
I'm sorry, but I just can't see
I can't see because my worst enemy
Is not my life, but inside of me.

Always on a roller coaster,
Not much consistency
I'm nothing if I'm not up or down
I'm nothing if just 'me.'

Very little energy
Wanting to stay in bed
Wishing to be enthusiastic
Instead of feeling like I'm made of lead.

Wanting to be excited
Wanting to care for more
But when nothing makes sense
It's hard to focus on the poor.

Cluttered mind, cluttered thinking
It's hard to keep in touch
With what is happening around me
And not to worry too much.

I feel that everybody is better than me
And that I can't do anything right.
This is how I've felt my whole dang life
It didn't just start last night.

No confidence, no self-esteem
Everybody else is right
To speak my mind is to be a fool
So I just try to 'sit tight.'

Any one of these problems
Would be a heavy vice
But when you have them ALL
Living seems like a roll of the dice.
 Jan 2015 Ashlei Cottom
The Noose
Some are born balanced
On a precipice and remain
Tethered for the rest of their days
Overlooking barely there
Mental images
Fragments of a lucid dream
Of a conjured up past life
Once etched on skin
But no longer there
They speak of
Violent reinvention
And escape
While the hollow speaks
And catapults into spaces
Better left unknown

Psyches wrapped in denial
Running the gamut of habitual sins
Perpetuating legacies of pain
With hands that carry
The burdens of forefathers
Tiptoeing
In the twilight of dreams
Willing for the heavens
To send a spring that blooms

Hearts whose pounding
Reverberates endlessly
inside of ears
Eyes that get darker as they close
Meet with ours
A look
A sigh
Ascertaining a mutual recognition
Of the familiar
Shadows that plague.
 Jan 2015 Ashlei Cottom
Poetic T
She Is the thorn within beauty
Ever silent, static elegance
Her rage burns near by.

The purity of the petals
Waiting in the darkness
To feed, pollen succumbs
those exposed, drawn, enticed
By her fragrance.

She is the picture of beauty
A contradiction of a place
Enveloped in darkness, but
All is not what it seems, for
She is the thorn that will
Bleed you dry.

For all that fall, a new flower
blossoms, and she becomes
Sharper. As she has a rage burning
That must be fed, for the petals will
Fall and the thorn will be no more.
 Jan 2015 Ashlei Cottom
Poetic T
It was as it had been, but the
Ring of oak
Shattered,
What was locked behind
Ventured Forward caressing
Bark,
Leaf,
Wood
Was tainted upon its departure.
Hollow structure, a leaf now skeletal
In a moment decayed from life,
Did touch upon depressed oak.
And like ash it was pollen of death, in
What once stood tall, faded into oblivions halls.
All but one did fade to the winds,
As freed upon the world old evil,
Not one noticed, never seen,
This oak of strength from which acorns
Did fall,
Sunken beneath the ground,
Nurtured by the nature, now scarred
Upon black seeds
Corrupting,
Tormenting,
Stained
Is the ground, but these majestic little
Things grow, sprout from the ill ground.
Where tainted now roots invigorate
New growth, the evil is herded upon
This ancient ground, where many had fell,
Now new ones take the places of old,
They are a beacon of strength as that which
Was loose now in this ring of oak.
Buried for time once more for each one
That falls, another acorn will fall to take its
Majestic place,
The old ring of oak, canopy of secrets hoping never to be told.
I want to be a little crazy.
I want to be crazy beautiful.
I want to be beautifully creative.
I want to be creatively inspiring.
I want to inspire those who want to be a little crazy.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
Do you remember when we met?
Cuz I feel like it was so long ago;
That you handed me that flyer
And invited me to your show

I thought it sounded stupid
So I decided not to go
But you didn't hold it against me
And our friendship managed to grow

Eventually you became my person
The one that was always there
You held me in my hardest moments
And could always show me you care

Even when things got rocky
We knew how to work it out
And it was only ever a matter of days
Before a new level of friendship would sprout

But lately things have started to change
I feel that you don't have my back
And though I'm trying hard to forgive
I feel our friendship is starting to crack

   You started to call me less and less                I've started to give up on you
And then you just stopped coming by                  I've began to drift away    
   The worst part is you always defend             I don't want to put in the effort
    All of the people who make me cry               On a street that's just one way

       You never seize opportunities                I just don't have it in me anymore
       To have me in your life                            To always be fighting for you
   Then whenever we finally talk                  It should be this freaking lonely
   We usually get into another strife              It shouldn't make me feel so blue

And I'm not saying it's all your fault...    ....I'm not sure what went wrong
I'm just not sure what to think...                 ...How we got so disconnected
We just keep drifting apart...                               ...And you don't seem to care
We are just SO out of sync...                                                  ...And I just feel dejected
I decided to try something a little different, and...I'm actually REALLY proud of how this turned out...and I don't say that very often. But I've been working on this for quite a while, and then figuring out how to get it to lay out (pretty much) the way I wanted took me extra time....and...it's not perfect....but basically, I am super proud of the result :) Hope you all like it too <3
"Always become the one being hurt
Rather than ever hurting another"
Words I have strived to live by
The philosophy left by my mother

I've always tried to live my life
Standing up for what is right
Helping others no matter the cost
Being everyone's shining knight

What a horrible way to live

Even when I was on the verge of breaking
Even when the burden seemed too large
I always took it onto myself
And it was always free of charge

They all need to pay

But lately there is this voice
Echoing from the back of my mind
That is always fighting to take over
It wants to punish the unkind

Maybe I don't want to forgive

Tell me who is that inside me
Those thoughts can't be my own
Even when there's no one around
Somehow I am not alone

Just let me come out and play

I'm trying to keep it at bay
Am I past the point of no return?
I JUST WANT THE VOICE TO GO AWAY
But.... *Now....it's my turn
I tried so hard to get this done before December was over :/
There goes the whole "post at least a poem a month for a whole year...."
Oh well.
ANYWAYS....this took a much darker/creepyer...twist than I originally intended....So....oops. sorry about that. I hope you all enjoy it though!!!!
This poem was inspired by the show Tokyo Ghoul....just...for the record. Anyways. Hope y'all like it.
Starlight wings white as snow,
Illuminating the night sky.
Will you take me?
Can I reach you?

The resonating sound of love,
Sends ripples through the ocean of my heart.
Once an endless abyss,
Now harbors summery waters.

Your words imbued with sunlight,
Drive away the most torturous thoughts.
As the notes of your dulcet voice,
Echo through the airways.

The rhythmic beat of your heart,
Like the ticking of a clock.
I hear it.
I feel it.
I need it.

Oh, bearer of radiant wings;
I continue to climb higher;
Continue to work harder,
Continue to stand taller.

I will fly with you;
I will reach you;
And I will touch you;
As you have touched me.
 Aug 2014 Ashlei Cottom
Adele
She's the kind of girl
who is half of a whole
Her body is art, drawing lines
coming from her heart
The pain she endures,
Putting sadness away from her soul.

They put her down
crawling on the ground.
Her face... so full of frown!

Stop hating, start loving
You may be hurting
but this life isn't about crying
It's about smiling
and creating a rainbow
that makes a heart glow.

Can I reach & grab your hand?
Letting you know
I understand.

Doing this to yourself
won't let you see the real world.
It's because darkness
covers the light.

It's in you to make things right!
And it's never too late
for you to realize.
Come on, get up and try.

You are beautiful,
don't tell me that you're not.
Because we are all born to be
and will always be.

-A

8/22/14
This is for the girl I found on instagram. Her account disturbed me a lot. I don't know why she hated herself (your photos told me that you're beautiful) I hope time will come that you'll stop cutting. I want you to be happy and ignore the negativities. Look how beautiful the world is. You have friends and family that cares for you. You are loved! It may be weird but I want to hug and tell you, 'I'm here to help and together, let's cast that darkness away.' The thing is, this is the only thing I can do. Help yourself. Hold on and be strong :)
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