You told me I was beautiful,
A cigarette between your teeth.
I raged at the careless gesture,
You laughed and smiled.
The first meeting,
A beautiful metaphor.

A first kiss,
A shared wish,
And the silent love.
A beautiful metaphor.

Happily Ever After came crashing down,
Our demise up in lights,
You held on 'til the bitter end,
A flickering candle in the dead of night.
A beautiful metaphor.

You'll live forever in me.
Augustus and Hazel,
Okay? Okay.
A beautiful metaphor.

Blow out the candles Birthday Girl,
Try for a moment to forget this cruel world.
Try not to hate that you were born.

Just for a moment,
Let it all slip away.
Don't think about those scars on your arm,
Nor the cuts on your wrist.
Don't think that you're the person no one will miss.
Just blow out the candles Birthday Girl.

Ignore all the problems,
Ignore all the hurting.
Ignore the hole in the wall,
Ignore the shattered glass in the hall,
And ignore the shouts and slamming doors.
Just blow out your candles Birthday Girl.

Close your eyes,
Take a deep breath,
Let it out slow,
And open.
Though you may celebrate by yourself,
Just blow out your candles.

We thought it was empty,
Until we stepped inside.
The broken dreams and shattered hearts,
The cries of despair,
Lingering spirits reminding us oth their existance.

Empty little down,
Sad little town,
Desolated, destroyed little town.

Sweet little shadows,
Tender little spirits,
Guiding us through the ruin.

They never saw it coming,
Their surprise fate,
Seizied upon them while at play.

Blink of an eye,
Gone in a flash,
Nothing left,
No future, only past.

I see a face in the mirror and wonder,
Who can that be?
Surely that girl can't be me...

Her face holds a happy smile,
Her cheeks have no stains,
Her entire expression is frozen.
I knew that surely we weren't the same...

I am empty and devoid of joy,
I have cried so many tears,
My cheeks are permanently stained.
My face contorts like a monster,
Dealing with conflicting emotions.
Surely we aren't the same.

The girl in the mirror checks her makeup,
She walks out the door.
I'm left with the realization,
I am not me anymore.
The girl in the mirror is who I've become.
Frozen.
Acting.
Reese Witherspoon couldn't have done better.

Eyes flitting,
Stomach churning,
Cheeks burning,
Quickly sitting

Ringing bell,
Cheeks aflame
Feels like hell,
Both the same

Hiding in the bathroom
Giving up so soon?
High school's filled with an alien race
Just please give me some space...

Now I've had quite a day
And for the next two years, I'll have to stay
But at least I'll look like I'm smiling to you...

Hush now,
Quiet down.
Don't make a sound.
Stand strong.

I know you want to scream and cry,
I know you want to shake your fist and scream
"God, why?!"
But you can't.

You must be strong.
You must give them something to hold on to.
You must be the rock,
You must brave the storm,
You must look strong, though you are worn.

So baby girl,
Don't you cry.
Take the pain and hold it all inside.

What if my pain showed on the outside?
What if the mental scars showed on my skin?
The emotional wounds,
The cuts and bruises.
Yellow and green,
Black and blue.
If everyone could see what you do,
Would you stop?

If everyone saw every time you made me feel worthless,
Every time I was made to compete,
Every time you ignored me,
Would you stop?
If everyone could see how you hurt me,
Would you stop?
If you were held accountable for every word,
Every action,
Every ounce of pain you've caused me,
Would you stop?

What if the evidence was right in front of your eyes?
What if you were no longer able to deny the proof?
No amount of smiles and lies can cover it now..

Here's your proof,
These words on paper,
Like ink on my skin.
Will you stop?

Ashlei Cottom
Sweetheart, fine art is not about pride. It's about FINDING pride. It's about creating something and taking pride in the fact that you did. When I read your poetry, all I hear is "Me, me, me, I'm the best." That's not what poetry is... Poetry is not self praise. Poetry is taking the most hurtful, joyful, mixed, complicated emotions that you have and putting them into words that make everyone understand. You may tell write back and tell me everything that is wrong with my poetry, but I will not care. Why? Because I know that I have successfully been able to express myself in ways that other people can relate to and enjoy. Ways that they may not have been able to express the same feelings. I have confidence in your ability to realize your mistakes and fix them. I look forward to seeing these changes. So please, take this to heart and write. :)
Loghain Carvó
How laughable that one of my lessors attempts to give I art recommendations.

Ashlei Cottom
It's not so much your art I'm trying to change, but your character. It's your character that is reflected in your art.

Ashlei Cottom  
And if I could ask, why do you assume I am your lessor?
Loghain Carvó  
I am not assuming, you already have shown that you are a lessor human through your words.

Ashlei Cottom  
By encouraging you to keep doing what you love and bettering your character? Sir, I'm sorry, but if that is your opinion, I don't think it is I who is the lessor human...
Loghain Carvó
That is not what makes you my lessor, You are my lessor simply because you lack the artistic vision to fully appreciate the magnitude of my grand works. Please refrain from responding to this message as I wish to waste no more of my precious breath on peasants.

Ashlei Cottom
And how is it that I am a lessor human if all I do is try and help? Some people cut down and criticize and make others feel like mere mud on other's shoes. I am not one of those. I try to see the good in everyone. I think you have great talent, but I wish you would use that and dig deeper. I can tell you right now, with an unbiased opinion, that you unfortunately come across as narcissistic, selfish and and as you so eloquently put it, a "lessor human."

Emerge from the depths,
Let your beauty shine,
Sing your song for me tonight.

An exquisite creature,
Graceful as a wave.
Your otherworld beauty shines like the moon,
Silver scales glint in the light,
A welcome distraction.

Beautiful and mysterious,
The charming seductress of the sea.
Luring poor souls to beautiful death.

Do you need love?
Do you need to pamper selfish vanity by proving your beauty deadly?

Swim mystical enchantress,
Shine your scales another night.
Sing for me again

Angry words,
Slamming doors.
In the car and silence screams,
So much for Happy Ever After

Tears fall.
Wondering where the time went,
Both feeling so small,
Looking at how the years were spent.

Felt like a fairy tale,
Once upon a time,
Watching their story fail,
They realize that it's just a nursery rhyme.

He was a prince,
But it's been a long time since.
She was beautiful,
But now she's just suitable.

So much for Happy Ever After,
Just leads to a sadder chapter...

Safety. Comfort. Stability.
These things, like my life, are all up in the air.
They are a shiny red balloon,
Floating way up high.
I am the child,
Jumping higher and higher,
Trying to grasp it while it floats away.

Higher and higher,
Helium dreams,
Drifting into the clouds,
Showing no signs of stopping.

The child in me is stubborn,
Refusing to let go,
Refusing to give up,
Throwing a tantrum.
The child in me wants her balloon.
My helium dreams.

I've jumped off the Junior Cliff,
And now broken, bruised and battered.

My defenses dropped,
My immunity lowered,
I've caught Senioritis.

My academic heartbeat has significantly slowed,
I've jumped off the cliff, but I'm not alone,
Signs are hung from trees,
They read
  "Here lies the class of 2016"

It's not as simple as you think,
I didn't just give up,
I did try hard enough,
But since you've been here,
Everything's changed.

I'm coming home, love.
I'm coming home to you.

Though I may be hundreds of miles away,
Though I may have to walk on broken glass,
I'm coming home.

I know you feel lonely,
I know you're missing me tonight.
Honey, just think of me,
Feel me holding you tight.
Think of me and know that I'm coming home.

I'll walk through Hell and fields of fire,
I'll fly through the eye of the worst storm.
Even if I'm delayed,
Please just know,
I'm coming home to you.

Sparks fly,
Wind picks up,
Let's put on a show!

Tumble, Twirl
Flip and dip.
Heads in a whirl,
Never letting it slow.

Keep up the fun,
Keep up the trip,
Never letting it slow.
For if we do,
Precariously we'll slip,
Back into the depths of Hell below.

I let you in,
I let you see different parts of me.
I feared you would leave,
I was scared you would run.

But you held me,
Wiped away my fears,
Whispering
"I'm right here."

You didn't stay long...
48 hours.
A month of
"I love you" and
"Ill never leave."
Then 48 hours of
"My wish came true"
But God did you lie...

What did I expect?
I mean, really?
How could a heart like yours ever love a heart like mine?

But we were stuck like glue.
No matter how hard we tugged away,
We snapped together,
Bearing the marks to prove it.
You tried to dissolve the bond,
Trying to break it,
Cut it off,
While I just stood and watched.

I knew there was nothing to be done,
The cord ran deeper,
Bringing you back every night.
A vision,
Haunting my dreams,
Vanishing at daybreak.

How do I get through this?
What do I say?
You don't seem to understand how much pain this brings me...
To see you with her,
To see her step into the place I had once been,
To see you acting like she can fill my shoes so easily...
To see her in MY bed,
In YOUR arms,
Interlocking hands with fingers that not long ago were on MY skin.

I'm happy for you love,
But I don't wanna see her face.
I'm Wonder Woman,
An Amazonian,
Life's bullets bouncing off of me,
But I don't wanna see you with her,
I'm not that strong..

I don't wanna see you with her,
Her hands on you,
Acting like she knows you,
When she doesn't know what you've been through.

She doesn't know that you hate your father,
Or that your father may not be your father.
She doesn't know that when you were little,
You were visited by the spirit of a relative.
She doesn't know all the times we held each other while we cried..
Lost friends,
Bad family,
And an assault I will never get over..

I know I ended it first,
But I don't wanna see you with her..
I have to bite my tongue every time we talk,
Keep myself from telling you how I fell again,
Remembering why I stayed so long..
Keep myself from being selfish...

I don't wanna see you with her,
But I want you to be happy...

I don't wanna see you with her,
Which is why I need to walk away...

Please let me go...

Put down the bottle,
Step away from the drugs,
The procedure of life is hard enough.

It's good in the moment,
The euphoric high.
But once you come down,
All you can do is cry.

Depression sets in,
And you look at your life.
Broken pieces,
Withered and dead.
Like a rose on the ground.

You do it again,
Just to feel whole.
But this time, the high doesn't come 'round.

You took too much,
Trying to numb the pain.
Life flashes before you,
And you see it slip away...

Calm down Little Seeker,
I know what you're searching for.
Happiness. Peace. Love.
Calm down Little Seeker,
Your destination's waiting for you.

You've been waiting for so long,
Like raindrops on a windowpane;
Hoping for an end.

An end to the search,
An end to the false hope,
An end to the disappointment.
It's there Little Seeker, take it.

Everything has changed.
My grandpa could work circles around young men,
He would laugh and play with me.
My mom was my best friend,
My dad was the coolest person ever.
Siblings were to play with,
And my stuffed animals would fight the monsters under my bed.

Everything has changed.
My grandpa can barely walk now and sleeps  all day,
My mom and I hate each other and try to stay away,
I now know that my dad is a cruel, sick *******.
And instead of having siblings to play, I had siblings to raise.
Now I realize that no one can save me and the "monsters" are inside of me.
Everything has changed.

The Hand of Death grips me,
It's icy hold,
Peaceful, sweet.

The sweet voice,
Beckoning me,
Cajoling me,
The Hand of Death pulls me into the light.

The clinging grasps,
The searching fingers,
They pull me back,
Establishing an everlasting game of tug-of-war.
They don't understand,
They need to let me go.
It's for the best.

I'm straining for peace,
Straining for love,
But staying for them.
Why?
I honestly don't know..

A flash of silver,
A touch of steel.
I hold my breath as it makes me feel.

A stinging pain,
Oh, how I swore I'd never do it again.
A crimson line,
One more,
One more,
And one last time.

Pulling down the sleeves,
Smiling to please.
Feeling numb.

Wishing to hurt,
Wishing to cry,
Wishing to scream.
Why?
I'm tired of telling myself
"One last time."

Touch me.
I won't shatter,
I won't explode.

Run your fingers through my hair.
I'm not brittle,
I won't break.

Hold me close,
Ignore the tears,
Just hold me.

It's been so long,
Since I've been touched.
So long since I've been loved.
Touch me,
Hold me,
Run your fingers through my hair.

I won't shatter,
I'm not brittle,
Just hold me.

Head to toe,
Everything goes.
One mark here,
Another there.
But hey, if she's pretty, who's to care?

One more pound,
A different nose,
A smaller waist.
She looks in the mirror and makes a face.
Everything goes.

No more food,
Bigger *****.
There's nothing to lose.

Her perception of beauty sealed her fate,
It took her life,
Oh such a waste.
And now I remember the way she was,
And how I loved her "flaws".

It's 3 a.m and I'm still awake,
I pick up the pen and put it to the page.

With every word I gain some feeling,
With every line, I look for answers.
The scratch of the pen meets the beat of my heart,
The hideous scribbles trying to be art.

It's 3 a.m and I'm still awake,
I pick up the pieces of myself that keep falling,
Pick them up to keep from breaking down.
With every scratch of the pen,
I only break more.
Every wall broken down,
Every facade shattered,
And everything under the carpet is swept out the door.

It's 4 a.m and I'm still awake,
I put down the pen and rip out the page.

Beautiful in her own way,
Pure,
Living in grace.

How do I make her understand?
How do I make her see?
It isn't her face or her body that appeals to me.
Though she is different from her sisters,
She has ten times the worth to me.

We met on the day when it seemed the sun would never shine brighter,
It filtered through leaves of green,
Light moved around her as though in a dream.

Sweet nymph,
Gentle girl,
I knew as soon as I saw her.
We'd run away together,
Take on the world together,
And when the time comes,
Our ship will go down in flames,
With us holding the torches.

7 am: Up and at 'em!
Tired kids, two temper tantrums and one major headache.
Late out the door,
We're gonna miss the bus!
Ran up just in time to see Kid #1 off and watch her pull away,
Kid #2 pulling my hand,
Crying, whining.
Trudging home, Sighing as the door clicks shut behind me.
Thus begins another day...

8 am: No coffee, again...
4 Advil because at this point, I've built up too much of a tolerance for anything less...
Sit with kiddo as she tries to fall back asleep,
Wander into the living room,
Look longingly at the couch.
"Maybe just for a moment.."

12 pm: Chores, chores, chores.
Kiddo is whining for lunch,
I still haven't showered..
The house is a mess,
Laundry still needs to be done.
I'm so exhausted I could cry!

3:45 pm: Kid #1 is home.
She's cranky as always,
And the war begins..
The kids scream at each other all day until eventually I join in..

5-6 pm: Mom walks through the door,
Dinner is late and she's complaining,
Yelling about everything under the sun,
Nothing I do is good enough..

10 pm: Another tantrum by Kid #2,
Trying to get them both to bed.

11 pm: Thus ends another day...
Tomorrow we do it all over again...

What if you told me not to speak to you again?
Well if I had something to say,
I would have found another way.

I would write you a letter,
Have it sent out the next day.
If you don't answer,
I'll know you threw it away.

I would send a friend to tell you.
If he hangs his head and walks away,
I'll know you slammed the door in his face.

I would hire a skywriter to put my words in the clouds.
If you didn't call,
I would know you didn't go outside that day.

If all else fails,
I would learn sign language,
Show up on your doorstep and sign
"You told me not to speak to you again."

Anxiety,  Depression, Mental Breakdowns;
This is the sad reality of high school.
No one escapes.

Sleepless nights, racing hearts, a lake of tears;
This is the product of high school.
No one escapes.

No one escapes the pain,
No one escapes the fear,
We all feel like we don't belong here.

A slew of words,
Condescending tones,
"You're alright, nothing's wrong."
"You'll be fine, you're overreacting."
But we're not!
It's real!
It's here!
No one escapes!

But of course,
No one listens...

Crouched on the bathroom floor,
Devoid of breath and clearly a mess.
Time slows and for a moment, everything stops.

The fears that were once kept at bay,
Stored in the back of my mind,
Are now released,
Closing in, one at a time.

The air grows thick,
Choking out the peace,
Slowly strangling me into submission.

Heart quickens,
Breathing shallows,
Is this how it ends?
Is this how it goes?
Stuck in the bathroom and no one knows?

Trembling and shaking,
Quivering with fear,
But then it all ends with
"Darling come here."

You asked me in a dream what I miss the most.
The dream ended before I could reply,
To tell you there's no one thing.
Not one,
But many.

1. I miss the way you talked to me. You called me "baby girl" like it was my name...

2. I miss the way you could hold every one of my broken pieces together,
Embrace like a kiln,
Melding the edges together.
Arms that felt like home to this nomad.

3. I miss how you're both my greatest strength,
And my biggest weakness...
The only man besides my father that I can't help but cry over.

4. I miss how you insisted on taking care of me,
An independent princess who got a little too used to her king...

5. I miss how you encouraged me in everything,
Convinced that together we could conquer the world...

6. I miss how you know every inch of me,
Using everything to your advantage.

7. I miss the way you would look at me,
Like I was a rare emerald,
But now I guess diamonds are more your taste...

8. I miss how quickly you became important to me,
Our lives intertwining together.

9. I miss our phone calls.
Hours at a time,
Just listening to your voice.
My inability to sleep without talking to you first...
Maybe that's why I'm up all night now?

10. Most of all,
The one thing I should've told you long ago,
I miss you.
I miss my Sun and Stars,
My lover,
My best friend.

I miss us...

I'm not the one you used to know,
I'm the girl that was left out in the cold.
Nobody cared,
And if they did,
They never said so...

I tried so hard to numb the pain,
But you can't really do that and expect to stay the same.
Nobody knew how much was really wrong,
So I laughed and smiled and played along.

Whenever I tried to reach out,
I was left grasping in the dark.
A million doors in my face,
So I turned to the window,
Only to find it painted shut.

Trapped in my own unhappiness,
Alone in the emptiness that is my soul.
I'm not the one you used to know,
Left out in the cold.
If you care,
Please say so...

A life time of crying out,
Falling on deaf ears.
So much pain,
No one cares enough to see.

4 years of complete silence.
No cries,
No screams,
Nothing.

Finally today,
I'm breaking the silence.
Help me.
Don't let me fall.
I'm teetering on the edge,
The storm's beating down,
And I'm tempted to jump.

It's morbid,
I know.
You're telling me to hang one,
But I've been hanging on for 16 years.
16 years too long...

Pure as honey,
White as snow,
Thus goes the ******'s glow.

Shaming eyes and pointing fingers,
Like Yellow Jacket's stingers.
Wound the flesh.
Leave the heart,
This is how the broken girl starts.

Tainted as sludge,
Charred as wood,
Though she did all she could.

Truthful words and denials weren't even worthwhile,
No words she chose were defense against the mouths that wouldn't close.

Pure as honey,
White as snow,
Thus went the ******'s glow.
Was not careful to hide her lust and now their true colors show.

Little flame,
Flickering bright.
Trapped in your birdcage shaped prison,
Beating against the bars,
Trying to be free.

Needing to blaze brght,
Dreaming of fighting,
Flitting in place,
Burning in,
Fading out.

Your captors try to contain you,
Burn you out and train you,
But you have a strength they can't take away,
A hope,
A desire,
The dream that you will one day fly.

Burn through your bars,
Blaze bright,
Fly away.

I need some help,
But all I get is thrown on the ground,
I'm lost for words and I don't know what else to say.

I know I let you down,
But I was just so scared to be alone.
After you left,
My heart was locked up,
Too afraid to let anybody in.

For years it rested so comfortably on my sleeve.
Year after year,
Little by little,
I was torn, broken and bleeding.
Everyone it was ever trusted with, left.

No my little heart is tired,
Tired of crying out for help,
Tired of being left.
So just know,
You were the last...

Loud city,
Fast pace,
Passing cars.
Millions of people,
Trying to keep it together.

Too busy with their normal lives,
To notice the people on the corner,
Begging,
Trying not to look you in the eye,
While the last of their dignity dies.

A single mother,
Two kids already taken away,
A brand new baby on the way.
Her faith is half gone,
And it's all she can do to hold on.
She keeps wishing on shooting stars,
Praying for a brand new start for her and her baby girl.

An old amputee,
Fighting for his country got him a stub that tapers off just below the knee.
He doesn't  need food,
Doesn't need money,
And his sign says something different
"Someone please come talk to me."

Motherless child,
Emotions turned to steel,
His only defense to anger is not to feel.
*****,
Scared,
Hungry.

Loud city,
Fast paced,
Millions of people,
Trying to keep it together.

Having the same dream for months.
Single space,
Covered in mist,
Looming,
Covering the ground,
Until I can't even see my own feet.

You appear out of nowhere,
Like an apparition,
Walking on the mist.

Face turned a way,
Shield of hair.
Fluid movements,
Driping with grace,
Radiating power.

I feel you more,
Closer and closer you get.
I reach for you,
My hands ache for you.
Graze your skin,
Hand closes around your wrist,
And you vanish,
Leaving only a feeling of emptiness,
An air of sadness in your wake.

And t it changes,
Sadness turns to fear.
Then comes the dread,
The feeling of knowing;
Knowing that none can protect you here.

Dark figure approaches,
Clothed in evil,
Masked in temptation.
Part of me wants to run,
Part of me wants to embrace.

The mask subsides,
Only for a moment,
A familiar feeling,
And the recognition of fluid grace.
It's you.

You're gone,
The mist subsides,
And I am awake.

The city lights keep me awake at night.
Each with their own story to tell.
Their reason to blaze,
To glow.
Brightly.

A man,
Marriage hanging by a thread,
Burying himself in his work.

A wife,
Crying bitterly into the night,
Her lover having left an hour ago.

A child,
Staying with their grandparents,
Wondering what will become of their family.

So many stories,
So many lights.
It's no wonder I can't sleep at night.

Why won't you leave my head?
You're stalking my heart,
Invading my dreams.

You don't want me,
I live for you...
I've tried so hard to be angry,
I've tried so hard to hate you,
But you're so sweet at night.
So comfortable when you pull me in,
So sweet when you kiss me,
I almost let myself believe it's real...

The jarring sound of my own alarm pulls me from you,
Watching you smirk as I'm forced to leave.
You know you'll be in my head all day,
While you can put me from yours.
You know you'll see me later,
Whether I want it or not..

Standing one by one,
Knowing that we are not done.
The battle has not been won.

All lined up in a row,
Like tin soldiers in a can.
One by one, marching out-
Sudden death awaits.

One, two
One, two
One, two
Left, right
Left, right
Left, right

Silence the drums,
Hold your breath,
Still your hearts and wait.
There is no escape from this uncertain fate.

Some will live,
Some will die.
Some won't even try.

"I'm worth it."
"I'm worth it."
"I am beautiful!"
I whisper these words over and over to myself in the mirror,
Trying desperately to make the feeling of self-worth appear.
Trying to convince myself that I am not a mistake.

All I see are flaws,
All I feel is the imperfections,
Prickling,
Like burrs nestled into my skin.
I hear their opinions,
Their condemning lies,
All of their opinions,
Based on color, ***** and size.

Shattering the mirror,
I realize,
Society can ******* about my size.
I am worth it.
I am beautiful.

I have two constant companions.
Though they've been there through everything,
No other two souls are more determined to drag me under.
Who are they?
One is named Anxiety.

Anxiety is a small green and brown monster,
Perched on my shoulder,
Whispering in my ear,
A list of everyone and everything I shoould fear.
Immobilizes me,
Suffocates me,
Choking me out and knocking me down.
Feeding on my fear,
Anxiety grows larger and larger,
Until I am the one on it's shoulder.
Whispering in their ear,
Begging,
Please stop...

The other is named Depression.
A jealous mistress indeed,
Depression keeps me under lock and key,
Blinds me until she's all I can see.
If she suspects that I start wander,
If she deems me unfaithful,
i am pulled down.
Smothered.
Suffocated.

My two constand companions:
Anxiety and Depression.
One, all consuming darkness,
The other,
Mortal paralyzation.
Both hell-bent on destroying me.

It's like being in a glass box,
In the middle of the room.
Invisable,
Yet with all eyes on you.

On the inside,
Looking out,
Always wondering what life is about.

Wanting to get out,
Wanting to escape.
Screaming for help,
Your cries falling on deaf ears.

The loneliness suffocates,
Walls closing in.
What was once your prison,
Now is your coffin.

Middle of the room,
All eyes on you,
They pay attention only when you're dead.

Here comes the countdown.
5...
The blades clang.
The battle leaves no one alive.
5...
4...
Death does not discriminate,
Not between the rich nor the poor.
5...
4...
3...
The ghostly silence echos through the trees.
5...
4...
3...
2....
There's no one left to mourn for you.
5...
4...
3...
2...
1...
All of this will be forgotten with the rising sun.

I gave you everything I had,
It still wasn't enough.
I gave you my life,
My voice,
My time.
You took everything and just kept running.
You didn't even look back...

I'm lying here,
Trying to pick myself back up.
You were my family,
My friends,
So why am I choking on your dust?

Why am I so disposable?
Why do I mean so little to you?
After everything we've been through?
I was there for you through it all,
I swore I'd never let you fall.
I striped my own wings and glued them to your back.
And while I fell,
It was you I pushed up.

I put you on a high shelf,
Like a beautiful doll with a china face;
My heart in your hands,
Now you've fallen from grace.
If you come running back to me,
I'll put my tattered remains in your hands,
I'll let one last smile for you cross my face,
And I'll just turn and go.

I gave you everything I had,
You took everything,
You never looked back.

Don't look back.
Keep running.
They'll only hold you back.

Ignorant to your plans,
Uncaring for your future,
They'll only hold you back.

Grabbing your arms,
Shackling your feet.
Break the chains now.

They'll say you let them down,
They'll say you disappoint.
Shake it off,
Block it out,
And run.

Though you may love them,
Though you may care,
If you look back,
You'll be ensnared.
Keep running.

Sinking,
Drowning,
Gasping for air.

Hands outstretched,
I know you're out there somewhere.
Please don't let me down,
Please don't let me go.
I'm trying to fight,
But I can't do this alone.

Pull me out,
Don't let me drown.
It's caving in on me,
Pressure that I can't see.

Been so long on my own,
Holding tight to the hope that you will show.
Asking for you to pull me out,
But you just ad weight and let me drown.

Running out of time,
No air,
Please don't let me go...

I've always drifted in a dark place,
Dancing in the shadows,
Flirting with demise.

I've been this way for so long,
I didn't know what I was missing.
Not until a spark of life,
Grew into a flame.
A spark of happiness,
That turned into an explosion.

I functioned!
I saw!
I felt!
I embraced it,
enjoying life for the first time,
But at the same time,
Trying to shut it out.

I hated it because I knew it would leave.
How can I go back to the shadows after being in the light?

But you can't stop the inevitable..
Back to the shadows,
I drifted.

Darkness falls,
I feel myslef slipping.
Who am I now?
Who've I become?

Falling,
Slipping,
Reaching,
Scrambling.
Help me!
Somebody, please!
Pull me from the darkness,
Save me from myself.

Night comes
But for me there's no moon,
No stars.
The only silver is the glint of my scars.
No light,
No hope,
Just a blanket of cold.

Someone, please!
Save me from myself...

Dancing slowly in an empty room,
My body,
Free for the darkness and sweet smell of lilacs to consume.

Not a speck of light,
Not a wall near,
Just an infinite space,
Tangible cloak of darkness,
Pulling me in.

Lilac-scented space,
Perfumed madness,
Swirling around me,
My graceful partner.

End of the dance,
The floor falls through,
My neck is saved only by a noose.

Dancing eternally in an empty room,
A tangible cloak of darkness,
And a lilac-scented space.