Drifting into oblivion
everything fades into a blur
a faint glimmer of hope lost

Swaying in the wind
weightless heading for a thousand swords
in a stream of fallen dreams

Grasping my heavy armor
I sink into the water
pierced by your nightmarish lies*

Where the truth is beyond the grave
poison lives within the veins
and from death we are but an inch away

he asked what I wanted to do. I said
write poetry
or
die.
he said
they were the same.

people tell me i’m
lucky because at least i lost
him knowing that he
loved me, at least it wasn’t as painful as a
breakup. if this isn’t
pain then please tell me words for this swallowing
wound in the middle of my
chest, explain how i can’t find my own
hands even in broad
daylight and every time i think i
see him around our
house i know to take it as a
sign that i need to call my shrink back up, tell her
about the ghost at the core of my
life.

i can still feel his
hands in mine, long pianist man
fingers and encompassing
palms, wide open like a
map soaked in
blood.

he was so long
gone by the time that they
found him, his own fragile
mother couldn’t identify the
body, i was the only
one who knew how my hands were supposed to fit his
hips, the only good part of him
left.

my doctor tells me that i’ve passed the threshold for
grief, this isn’t healthy, she
tells me. how am i expected to know the meaning of that
word when the only thing i can
explain is the incessant ringing in my
ear, the sound of the
bullet that went farther than i ever
dared.

we were supposed to get
married, he just didn’t have the
money, but he gave me everything else off his very own
back. at night i stay up repeating the names of the
children we were going to
have, all three of
them. now they seem like more of an
insult to the holy
trinity.

god, how did you feel when satan
fell? i demand you on your
knees, begging me to
believe in you again. do you know how it feels to be in love with a
ghost?

It's funny how we met right after my heart shattered 
It's like you knew me all along
And now you're here to save me
But I kept pushing you out
But why do you still keep coming back?

See, they say shattered mirrors yell out "bad omen!"
And I had stared till I no longer recognise my reflection
But you reminded me of sleepless nights and how the crows never called a name
Your heart does not sound like a broken glass to me

It rhymed with my beating heart
Though broken, it's still pumping
Notions of stigma streaming in that fervent river vein
The truth hits me when I stared long enough
I can never give what you've given me
But why do you keep coming back?

Your veins were rivers that would take us away
As these paper boats fall apart
I still see parts of myself in shards of you
We could share the same breath underwater
*So please, let me fix you.

I was the one who swallowed the sun
and yet it is your touch that burns
on to my skin like an insignia of shame;
halos of quiet desperation,
a footprint on the welcome mat to our own
little hell.

So the next time you cry for your skin,
remember
I scar for you.