I cannot listen to voicemails
Without picturing you dead
In your parents house.

I can't look at the bay
Without feeling my stomach
Drop and churn.

My heart races whenever
I hear a police car or ambulance
Drive near.

I am sorry that I cannot
See a movie or get pizza.

I have grieved you once before.

I don't think I can survive
grieving twice.

She takes her defeats silently
So as not to inconvenience the others
She keeps them inside
Because she is the happy one
But what happens when one looses their identity?                  
She is torn
Between
Resigning, done trying
Sad is what she's become
Or rising triumphant,
The return of the sunshine
That seems so distant in the meantime
Blocked by thunder clouds of something that could have been
And
loneliness
(Because although she is surrounded by friends                                
And people she loves
She takes the defeats silently.)

Sunshine fades away,
compared to her brightness
I wouldn't find another like her,
even if I traveled for light-years.

She makes the stars seem so insignificant,
Her beauty, so magnificent.
All that she is,
all that she will ever be,
for years to come, and years to go.

Her soul, glowing brighter then a million suns,
Yet so tender, a heart mender.
Seen so many, but she still shines the brightest,
So near, yet shes the furthest.

I must be persistent,
In order to brake her resistance.
Travel to the core of her love,
Maybe I'll find my self in it, as I did before..

Waiting at the airport is bittersweet.
For you watch the planes sit lonely on the tarmac, and with the knowing feeling that in half an hour, 5 hours; in a handful of time, it will be gone.

All the space, matter, whispers, hushes will be swept up before your goodbye felt like it even existed in the very first place.

Days went by as she screamed in her sleep
She whined and cried like a fetus so weak
Her mind was scattered and bruised by the pain
And all I could do was lay beside her
Unable to share any of it in vain

Until late one night she lay silent in bed
With a smile so soft, without a tear in place
With soft words so subtle, and a voice so sweet
She raised her head slightly and whispered quietly to me
“Good night, son” and fell silent in sleep.
I for once, was finally at peace
And so with a quick sigh of relief soon too fell asleep
But it wasn't till late next day, when I woke up
That I found myself sitting next to her, cold as ice
Her face was pale, her body had gone stiff
It was then it had hit me, that now forever she was gone
It was then that I realized it is forever she has slept.

I cried and wept that day like never before
Frozen like her, paralyzed, unable to move no more.