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antxthesis May 2015
I could sit here and write a thousand poems about you,
And still not get tired.
Is that what happened to us?
Did you get tired?
Was I too much?
Was I an anchor, attached to your heart?
Did I pull you to the bottom of the sea?
Did I drown it?
It can’t be; cause since that day I’ve been coughing up water from the bottom of my lungs.
Some say I had drowned myself in your love,
That you’ve engulfed me,
That you’ve taken over my mind body and soul.
But you’re love gone wrong
And  now everything tastes like you
Everything smells like you
I don’t even like my favourite song anymore, yes the one I forced you to listen to.
I hardly eat anymore
I’m surprised I sleep because most nights
It’s just me and that feeling of love gone wrong.

And i wish that i could forget about you
and move on,
seems like you have.

What went wrong?
Where did i go wrong?

I've tried crying but the tears don't come anymore,
I drag razors across my skin but it doesn't feel the same anymore.
Seems as if by body has gotten tired.
I'm tired, i'm tired of feeling this way.

Come home?
And this time, stay.
(h.s)
  May 2015 antxthesis
Dark n Beautiful
I just want to write a poem no one ever thought of writing
It must have the same effects as walking on the moon
It must trend faster than a meteor as it  hurdles through cyber space

I refused to love any man, who dislikes my poetry,
My man must support my passion ..
not only the warmth of my body
but the passion within this poetess, my secretive mind he must be able to balance:
Without wondering why a woman like me is so naturally secretive
I am always embracing the dark side of my creativity
Dropping little hints here and there throughout the years,

Sidney   J. Harris once said something that left pondering thoughts
He said “When he hears somebody sighs,
'Life is hard,' he’s always tempted to ask them, 'Compared to what?'
I would simply say dog-gone it: Compared to struggling poets whose tries to make a living as a writer

While an upcoming rapper like Chief Keef
signed a several-million dollar deal
with offending lyrics in today music industries:

I just want to write a poem no one ever thought of writing,
With lots of intense emotion bursting through each line:
Because a poem can’t exist without a poet's multiple voices
and most of all his divine missions
  May 2015 antxthesis
Charles Bukowski
good weather
is like
good women-
it doesn't always happen
and when it does
it doesn't
always last.
man is
more stable:
if he's bad
there's more chance
he'll stay that way,
or if he's good
he might hang
on,
but a woman
is changed
by
children
age
diet
conversation
***
the moon
the absence or
presence of sun
or good times.
a woman must be nursed
into subsistence
by love
where a man can become
stronger
by being hated.
I am drinking tonight in Spangler's Bar
and I remember the cows
I once painted in Art class
and they looked good
they looked better than anything
in here. I am drinking in Spangler's Bar
wondering which to love and which
to hate, but the rules are gone:
I love and hate only
myself-
they stand outside me
like an orange dropped from the table
and rolling away; it's what I've got to
decide:
**** myself or
love myself?
which is the treason?
where's the information
coming from?
books...like broken glass:
I wouldn't wipe my *** with 'em
yet, it's getting
darker, see?
(we drink here and speak to
each other and
seem knowing.)
buy the cow with the biggest
****
buy the cow with the biggest
****.
present arms.
the bartender slides me a beer
it runs down the bar
like an Olympic sprinter
and the pair of pliers that is my hand
stops it, lifts it,
golden **** of dull temptation,
I drink and
stand there
the weather bad for cows
but my brush is ready
to stroke up
the green grass straw eye
sadness takes me all over
and I drink the beer straight down
order a shot
fast
to give me the guts and the love to
go
on.
from "poems written before jumping out of an 8 story window" - 1966
  May 2015 antxthesis
Blurry Vision
In fifth grade,
they called me gay.

In sixth,
they called me ***.

In eigth,
I tried to end my life for the first time.
The second time shortly after.

In ninth,
I came to grips with my sexuality.
I tried to end my life for the third and fourth time.
My parents told me that I wasn't going to heaven.

In tenth,
I lost all of my friends and found my first love.
I fell in love with a broken CD.
The sharp edges would tear my skin like paper.
That year I tried for the fifth and sixth time.

Present day,
I'm in love with someone but they don't know yet.
My last attempt, number 7, was more than a year ago.
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