It's just so in your heart, this whole day

Like up in your throat, in your chest and just everywhere, blocking the sun from warming you up

Filling you up with a scream, making you desperate to get out, to run, but making it impossible to move. Making you unable to tear away from this sinking feeling, dragging you down

Swirling into your mind until it's all you can taste, blinding your eyes until it's all you can feel

And it just eats you up, leaving you numb for days til the point where you cannot remember how beautiful your mind used to be, because there is no way it ever was

And then it stops. And for a gorgeous while, you can breathe clear air again.

Until it starts all over.

You were mine before I even had myself
and we twirled together, forming intertwined parts were it was impossible to see where you started and I followed

And I held on to you for so long,
like who I was were so dependent on you staying a part of me,
on you staying with me,
for me, in me,
as me

You are so much closer to me tonight
even though it was half a life ago since we last spoke

And the words I have written about you,
the words we shared every night,
our words,
they are ringing so loud in my ears

As if we were still there.
As if life never happened.
As if the nights and the words still belonged to us

me, wanting to be alone whilst feeling so alone at the same time

I never truly understood the meaning of 'devastated' until I was

I'm packing all my dreams and fantasies together with my summer dresses and my bare feet. I make sure to fill my heart and bag up with so much joy that I definitely will be disappointed when I don't find you this summer either.

I keep letting you in,
forgetting that I don't know what to do with you
I try going back, visit us when we were we,
I try to imagine you in my future,
I even try to fill my present with your name on my tongue
but I just can't find any place where you can stay,
where I can make you stay

And it's just such a waste, that's all,
because every scenario of us still makes perfect sense