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 Aug 2014 anna victoria
rachel
I have no thirst that needs quenching
No want for the flavor,
It's really quite putrid
I drink only to achieve a certain state
Of groggy, giddy happiness
Carefree
With low inhibitions and
High hopes
That burning in my throat that I quell with more acid
That **** is toxic
The feeling is destroying me
A smile
A laugh
A heart broken in half

A blade
A gun
A ******* the run

A shovel
A grave
A girl they couldn't save
 Aug 2014 anna victoria
rachel
A white house
Modern with obnoxious windows catching the view of the Hollywood sign
A house in the hills.
Standing on the roof is a girl
Me?
I can't tell
Not from this far away
She is balanced right on the edge of the flat roof.
She looks over the edge and sees.
If she fell, she would feel the exhilaration
Only to crash at the bottom.
All things come to an end.

A man walks toward her.
He's not going to hurt her.
He has to much care in his step
To much love emanating from his body.
She begins to sway
Careful!
But she steadies herself.
He helps her steady herself.
A warm breeze blows it's way through their silhouettes against a California sunset
Gentle
Not enough.
They stare at each other
They talk
Then scream
She screams more
She is begging him to push her over

Why?!
Please!
Do you really want it?
Yes. I do.

He pleads with her more
Just a little bit more...
He musters up the strength to push her
She prepares herself for the rush.
One full gust of wind
One push
And she's off.
Her feet leave the ground
And she is falling.
Floating.
Is there really a difference?
He stands in relieved shock.
Awe
They maintain eye contact the whole way.
The connection makes it bearable
And equally unbearable.
She doesn't see her life as she falls
She sees him.
On her lips
All over her skin
In her hair
Around her neck
Over her shoulder
In her mind.
Her last thought before she opens her eyes...
He stands over her
Again?
5 years ago

A 13 year old girl awoke
Thinking that everything
Was as it always had been
But still, something didn't feel right

5 years ago

The shock of it all
Numbed the 13 year old girl
She walked around in a daze
Everyday was the same

5 years ago

The flowers piled up
The condolences overwhelmed
The 13 year old girl
Just wanted everything to stop

5 years ago

All the problems started
The selfharm; depression
The 13 year old girl
Turned to thoughts of letting go

5 years ago

On exactly this day
I, a 13 year old girl awoke
But everything was not okay
Nothing felt right

5 years later

An 18 year old girl
Grieves the loss of her mother
A 46 year old woman
Who died suddenly

Exactly 5 years ago
I wrote this yesterday in the memory of my mother, Maria Leslie McKay, 07/11/1963 - 06/08/2009
 Aug 2014 anna victoria
Mitch
this sadness wont last forever
it will come
and it may go
stay for some time
but little do you know
the cycle will repeat
your feelings may show
but please
i beg of you
dont leave
dont go
 Aug 2014 anna victoria
SG Holter
His Down's Syndrome makes
His age a tough guess, I'll
Say eight to ten.

Wide eyes on machines,
Ice cream dripping on the
Pavement outside the

Construction site.
I wanna work like this when
I grow up,
he says in

Young enthusiasm to a mother
Whose eyes well up with
Gratitude when I approach

And kneel down in front of
Him. So you want a job,
Buddy?
I ask him with a

Wink. He suddenly remembers
His ice cream and bites into
It shyly. Nods, glancing at the

Tools in my belt, the scratches
On my arms, the brick wall
I've been attacking with a

Wacker jackhammer. Nods
Again. Well, I'll see you in a
Few years,
I say with another

Wink, this time to his mother,
Who'd look her young age if
Her eyes weren't as tired,

But you can start with this
And get some practice.
I hand
Him my Stanley Fat Max

Hammer. His ice cream
Hits the ground as he
Recieves it with both hands,

Looking to his mother for
Confirmation that it's ok.
Oh, it is. She mouths a

Thank you SO much...
They walk away, his chatter
High pitched and fading

Around the corner. And I
Head over to the foreman to
Report that I lost my hammer.

Don't ever employ me.
I can work a good game, but
I'm too soft around little heroes.
 Aug 2014 anna victoria
AJ
I'm writing this only because I know you won't see it.
Because I let him touch me this time.
And this time I wasn't drunk.
And this time he didn't drug me.
This time he hit me instead.
Luckily I tripped on my way out the door
Just a few days later.
And I was able to chuck the bruises and blood
Up to that incident.

This time I got pregnant.
And this time I couldn't tell anyone.
And I couldn't tell you,
Because of us losing the last baby.
And now this one didn't even belong to you.
It didn't feel like it belonged to me either.
It just felt like his.
Like he robbed a bank
And used my insides as his hiding place.

I got rid of it.
Sam drove me.
It wasn't legal,
But I wasn't hurt.
It wasn't a smart decision,
I was very drunk.
I don't regret it.

I scrub my skin for an hour in the shower,
Every day.
But I couldn't scrub the insides.

I took eleven tests to be sure.
Never have I ever seen so many double lines.

It's been a few months.
This time I've just moved on.
The best way to forget is to never tell a soul.
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