Stretch marks, swollen ankles, itchy skin , aching back
Bigger feet, bigger bust, bigger belly as the day goes by
tiny flutters, little kicks, tiny fingers in my ribs
I've never felt like such a mess, or more beautiful

Unreal pain, Iv's, medication, the clock isn't moving
The room is spinning, a heart beat on the moniter next to me
Timing contractions, breathing, water, trying to ***
I never knew I had such detirmination , such strength

two days later, finally i look in the mirror at myself
Stretched out skin, saggy, swollen, bloated
Swollen feet, swollen legs, lots of extra skin
my hairs a mess, everything hurts and I have a scar

six months later, scar has faded, legs are back to normal
Feet are the right size again.. my bust, that's a different story
Then there's the weight that just won't leave
My body is totally different now.. and I still have a scar

I don't know how to relate to myself anymore , my body is different
I look at myself in the mirror and its not who i remember
I don't know what to wear or how to wear it
Things that I thought were comfortable are not anymore

I struggle each time i have to go somewhere to find something
Something I can nurse in, something that's comfortable
I feel fat, But I have strange moments of confidence
after all my body is freaking amazing, I made a human

All I ask is as I wade through these days of new motherhood
As I choke back tears everytime I have to find an outfit
As I have to second guess my outfits because I choose to breast feed
As I struggle with a bust so big its difficult to hide

All I ask from those in my life is a love and understanding
Understand this is a new world for me, being a mom
Understand that my body has changed permenatly
Understand I'm just getting to know the new me again

And please be patient as I figure all this out
As I nurse my baby and do whats right for my love
As I struggle through new outfits and my new body
As I learn to love the new me and feel beautiful again

Thank you <3

The sun was shinning so bright
bouncing off the green of the leaves all around me
All i could see was the blue of your eyes
All i could hear was you breathe

Emotions swirled around us, like a mini hurricane
The world going on around us was so far away
we ignored the storm clouds gathering at the sky line
For just that moment it was just you and I

That smile took my breath away every time I saw it
Your touch gave me butterflies dancing in a circle in my belly
We were so young, so passionate, so innocent our love
we were crazy about the sunshine.  about each other .

But just like every summer flower fades and gives way to fall leaves
our love faded as we grew and changed.. matured
And winter swept in with a fury of ice and snow
and it was over as quickly as it began
My heart was broken with the intensity of that first snow fall

In my mind these days I go back to that first moment
The years that have passed can't steal it from me
You were my first love, my dream come true
That summer is a dream I live over again...

she changed my life from the second I saw her
Tiny little hand, grasped my finger
so tight
A love and a passion surged through me
Like nothing I had ever felt before
I stared at her all night

her eyes were the color of a dream
she smelled so incredibly beautiful to me
With each breath she stole my heart more and more
How could this miracle be?

Mine...

She has my cheeks, my smile, my nose
she's a part of me I never knew was missing
She gave me life, seh gave me hope
She gave my life a whole new begining

All mine...

I took her home that october day, I was scared
I cried alot those next few moments and days
I was lost, happy, tired, a mess... all on the inside
But as time past I figured her out, even when it seemed impossible
there was a way

and we grew together..

As I watch her grow my happiness grows with her
I can't imagine what i did to deserve this baby girl
Every laugh, every smile, every milestone, makes my heart sing
Its amazing how in such a short time she has become
my world..

Together

We face a uncertain future, her and I
But as I look back on how fare we have come and all the time
Together she and i can make it through anything
When I look in her eyes, i know we'll be fine

Her & I forever

My daughter

I Love you

my heart is screaming but you can't hear me
i have so many words I want to say to you
to many questions I want to find answers for
so much time i wish i could take back

Its been almost a year since the last time i saw you
emotions were raw, and tensions were running high
I wish i had stopped you when we both left
I wish i had swallowed my pride then and told you

I'm sorry

My heart aches to make it up to you some how, some way
I just wish you'd listen for once in all of this mess
I wish you'd look in my eyes without hate and distain
I wish you would feel that my heart is so sorry

So sorry that I judged you without even knowing you
Sorry that I listened to him and his stupid stupid words
Sorry that i let what he told me color the beautiful person you are
So sorry that I came in between you and him because he is an idiot

I wish that i could go back three years and do all of this over
there are so many things that i would never have done
I wish that I had those few conversations you and i had back
So that i could let you know that i don't hate you

You treated me so awful, you stalked me, you wanted me to die
But when its all said and done i don't hate you
I know that you were caught in the mess just like was in
in the cycle of abuse, mind games, and lies

I am so sorry for my part in all of this and what I did
I know that i am the only one responsible for me
I am so sorry for the times when i should have taken your side
For the times i should have shut him up, when i should have walked away

You are worlds away from me, our lives have moved on
There is no way on earth for me to find you
You can't hear me because your to far away to hear my heart scream
I often wonder if you even care to hear my feelings

So this is my apology, because you will probably never hear it
This is my way of saying i wish i could take it all back
My heart hurts when i think back over the situation.
I am so so sorry.