I'm sick of feeling nothing but tired of feeling everything.

Empty bed, lonely head, i wish i was dead. ****.

I'd pull the stars from the sky,
I'd take the bullet,
I'll be your reverse dementor removing the bad instead of the good,
I'd stay up all night,
I'd cross rivers,
Mountains,
Hills,
Valley's.
I'd thrive,
I'd live,
I'd die for you.
I'd remain unhappy if it gave your life purpose,
I'd walk in your shoes,
I'd take any happiness i have and implant it in your mind.
I'd walk over hot coles,
Ice,
Shattered glass,
Shattered dreams,
Shattered love,
To make you see that i love you more than anything in the world and would do anything to see you live, but i can't do that dead, so i guess you've given me purpose too.
I can't offer you the world but i'll give you more love than you ever dreamed,
It might smother you,
It might empower you,
You might not return it,
But if it sparks the match you need to go on, it makes it worth the risk.

I should let you know instead i'll let you go.

I think i'll miss the sunsets that i'll leave behind,
But i won't miss the fighting or the tears i couldn't cry.

I think I'll miss the road trips and the laughter late at night,
But i won't miss pain from the love i'll never find.

I think i'll miss the singing and the last minute coffee,
But i won't miss the loathing or feeling out of place.

I think i'll miss the way the sun shined even when it blinded mine eye
But i won't miss the words my father battered into me like a baker burning bread.

I think i'll miss stepping into character and the way it felt to be someone else
But i won't miss the complete collapse at the removal of the mask.

I miss the flowers,
I'll miss the life i had planned,
But i won't miss trying to o.d. unsuccessfully or reaching out for help only to not be taken seriously.

See i was just the kind of girl who lived in box, sticking out, pull me up, leave me to rot.

See i was just the kind of girl who lived in coma, only to be waken when you need a donor.

To spill my heart to your charity selflessly, only wanting in return your company, but when i needed them, they just pulled a runner, they thought they only needed me, but i need them too. But i only existed when they needed me to listen cause their was no one there but me.

I think i'd miss a lot though i don't want to live much i'll just live through you and maybe that will be enough.

I'll miss you cause i needed you too. I love you. <3

The day we met I thought that I was flying, but... in reality I started dying. You took a knife, twisted it in my chest, every glance since brings me closer to death.

The girl with the tearless eyes,
The girl that cannot cry,
The girl thats always
"Good",
Always
"fine"

And you assume she is because
She's not crying
She's just smiling
So she's fine, right?

But she's putting on a face,
Putting on a mask,
Covering the truth,
Covering the past.

She'll cancel plans last minitue only to assure you she's fine just got caught up in some family ties.

But she's got trust issues deeper than the cuts she tries to hide.
More painful than the lies
And trying to pretend everythings fine.

And the names YOU called her?
Still echoeing in her brain,
Still imprinting,
Still remaining.

But she still tries to fake a smile,
Lay low for a little while,
Walk at a normal pace,
Keep it together!

The lie that you're living is bringing disgrace!
You are a disgrace, everything you are is built around it.

Till she can't even remember the lies from reality,
Did i smile?
Did i laugh?
Or am i still pretending?

She asks herself
As she laughs at the reflection in front of herself.
Will i ever be happy?
She asks head bowed down low in front of herself.

She's not okay,
She's always a lie.

Trying to fix her broken soul,
But the ghosts of the past still haunt her.

They torture her
*******
             *******
                           *******
The life out of her
And the happiness
And the hope
It's like the dementors are coming out into the night.

And she's not fine
But she can't cry
For the tears that once flowed put like niagra falls,
Have dried up like the sahara desert.

And her head is still pounding
As she tries to get some sleep
Still stuck poundering on the everyday life she dreads
Still poundering
                            Searching
                ­                            Searching
For her silver saviour,
Hoping to relief the pain she's been feeling in a river of red.

But she puts on a mask and fakes
a smile,
a laugh.

And you assume she's fine,
But she's soulessly screaming
Help me.
              Help me.
                             Help

I didn't even cry
all I felt was numb,
desperate to push it off my mind,
desperate to forget.

You.

Drowned in regret,
I tried to push it away,
all the things,
all the things,
I didn't do,
all the things I didn't say I tried to wash away in a bottle.

I can't pretend at all and I can't help but wonder even after all this time...

If you're still on my mind, am I still on yours?

Was I ever on your mind or was it an illusion I created, a bomb shelter, just a fantasy.

If there was something there could it be there still? I guess I'm just hoping there is a good reason I can't just close the door and walk away.

What more I can say? I was in love with you in every single way but too young,
too foolish,
too scared,
to open up my world to you.

Unable to feel truly anything for anyone except when I push myself in a trap,
Trying to think of anyone and anything else possible,
but my mind always wonders back to you.

I guess I'm still in love with you and there's nothing I can do.

The truth is you weren't even mine, I just fooled myself.

I was blind.

I guess I just need you back in my life.

But its too late now.

The bridge was ripped apart by a banshee in the night with no tears to cry.

I didn't even cry,
all I felt was numb,
drowned in regret,
I just need some closure...

And if you wanted to talk,
I'd be willing to try.

And start over new,
a new me,
a new you,
a new us?

I just hope you're doing okay and you're happy in love and in life in general. I'm sorry for wasting your time. I'd understand if you hated me, I feel like you should hate me now.

..........a part of me will always love you <3 ............