I had a girlfriend who loved me like a wife but I hurt her over and over.

So... I let her go.

You know what really hurts?

Letting her go. Because you know she will keep coming back over and over no matter what. So you use her for all she has and lash out at her when she questions you. She's there for you at your darkest times and all she wants in return is a hug.

What kind of person would do that?
Someone who deep down hates themselves, and wants control of their emotions and of someone else's life, so they can displace the pain onto someone else.

But you only intensified the pain because you never quit, even though you were dying. Why the hell didn't you just leave when I told you to leave. Why would you stay? What is wrong with you?

You know the biggest lie I ever told myself is that "I don't love you" and the biggest lie I've ever told you is that "I never did". But you're free now and I hope to never see you again. I never deserved your love.

And I hope you never change.

Maybe being alone is too comfortable
I don't know what I was hiding from
Or scared of
I do know that the silence has
Grown on me
He is special, but I must label
Him ordinary to keep my
Heart at bay
The truth is,
I daydream of our being
Interconnecting to make a universe of possibilities
To experience the happiness,
Sorrow, frustration, and ease
That cannot be experienced ever just alone

Just alone
Just alone

But I don't want to drift away
With the idea that I am never just alone
To give my whole existence to him
Keeps my mind tranquil
Yet chaotic

I tell my heart that it really doesn't matter......
.....that, my writings ended up as a prophecy, not just psychic writs.....

......that, my own desire and will back fired on myself....

i don't know what to, what to.......what?
i just follow, only follow and flow, flow....
nothing in the world to nothing,
save this ravaged heart, this shredding apart
of so much devotion

but i must share this only with you, my soul
so i ask:  am i daft? what are my inner workings?
who am i after all?
i thought i knew who i was, who i am.............
a bunch of us thinking just that....

i was ready to love no matter what or who he is or who he was....
even after i knew that he would not engage with me, hardly ever....
i suppose i should be mortified and i am,
but i am not ashamed, nor embarrassed
but i am very embarrassed on second thought

I was just about to say how stupid I've been
but i realize that i have misunderstood    everything
maybe not every thing....

no one makes myself suffer more than i make myself suffer
but then, as the sun rises, i begin to dance and sing....

Petals so soft and tender, quiver to the touch.
Fill my roots with your love, and let your soul water me.
Don't take away my oxygen and cover me with your darkness.
Breaking the rays of the only sunlight I have to fill the void in your heart.
Don't step on the leaves you once cherished.
Trying to stomp away all of your mistakes.
Within all of your destruction, you fail to realize that you're killing the only thing that ever loved you. ..
Watch where you step, because you may have just broken your flower.

Water filled skies
shade the land,
a miserable scene.
Raindrops fall,
they land and splatter,
great in number,
makes me feel
small.
Mind. Numbing. Endless patter.
Sinking into a slumber,
I begin to cry.
An endless shower.
The howling wind,
the trembling trees,
the drowning flowers,
the earth that’s dimmed,
it’s only me
and the cold filled air –
nobody cares.

A beginning made from
all things sweet and simple
...divine, magical

Time raised that vibration
up, just enough to burn dust
from the binds that kept us
alone, and scared

Passion poured from thoughts
turned to words until breathless
gasps seized our contentment

Reality met at the door...chained
from there all had been had
all had been felt and all
had been done

Forcibly my senses were invaded
with a slight blush on pearl
...aching for more

Good-bye was never an option
will never be...yet you force me
into silence