Cried out eyes
Haunted by dreams
Even when awake
Inside I scream

An echo through my mind
Tormented, I weep
The pain so excruciating
The secrets I keep

Darkness surrounds me
Taking my breath away
Somehow this life
Has lead me astray

My wrists bleed to just feel
The blood covers the floor
I have sewn them closed
Continuing to fight this war

Regrets have consumed me
My heart cries in vain
My mind is the enemy
Thirteen million miles from sane

This is the real me
I have hidden so deep
I have shed my skin
I struggled so hard to keep

Alone in the dark
Depression has eaten me alive
Anxiety its partner
I don't think I'll survive

Look past my facade
I am broken within
This cancer has forsaken me
I am too weakened to win

"I think you're beautiful. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

No.
Not when you use the same word to describe every other dark haired, light skinned woman.
Not when you look at me and say
"Of course I think other girls are prettier than you."


"But I still think you're beautiful."
Stop.

"So my words are just empty to you?"

*Of course.

Painting this picture,
With you in it...
It is almost always you,
You find a way...
You are in everything I do,
And in every medium...
The lemon  yellow,
Phalo blue,..
The burnt umber,
Every hue...
Every color has you,
The way that I used to.
And these feeble ways
that I can still have
Through gentle strokes
thoughtful shadows,
carefully placed highlights
to effectively embrace those subtle shapes
When I miss you...
I paint...
To see you,
Face to face.

Let's make a map of all the places we've made love in this small town.

Nights like these I wish I had someone to lay with.
To kiss, hold, and just be myself with.
I will lose myself within his abyss.
I know one day I'll find him.
His mind will be wonderful and his thoughts will stop time.
I will become addicted to his eyes and the way he sighs.
His heart will be pure and collide with mine.
His imperfections will seem perfect to me
He will let his mind run free.
I'll fall for his laughter and the way he sleeps
I'll show him how everything he hates about himself makes him beautiful but most importantly unique.
I will wait for the man who will hold my hand and stay away from the boys who treat girls like toys.
-Lily P. McLaughlin-