like water in the palm of your hand
i fell right through the cracks

its like losing everything at once -
but carelessly feeling nothing at all

abrasion is more satisfying than my
skin in the palms of someone else

all around me i see blurred out faces
they're blood thirsty than ever before

but not i - quite the opposite i stand
and dry heave over their yearn

beauty is designed for pleasure
which is okay - but admire from afar

even the most priceless masterpieces
are destroyed by touch

a.d

i hear you breathe with every beat
it rattles through my ribs
whispers through my hair
echoes through my veins
but you still won’t believe
just come home….

a.d

my heart, darker than the night sky turns black

from such sadness you have clouded me grey.

oh, how i dream someone will mix in white.

on a rainy day i start to think back

to when we’d spend time watching the trees sway;

fluorescent green and yellow shine - not black.

i noticed how your love began to lack

a smile so genuine; no longer gay.

your brand-new shirts are blood stained and off-white.

your sudden change-of-heart gave mine a crack;

paralyzed for weeks, i watch curtains fray

and lovers overwhelmed with joy - not black.

just like a train with rails off the track,

i haven’t moved in weeks, wishing you’d lay

with me one last time - to mix in some white.

love letters i write to you form a stack

in the bottom drawer of my desk, they stay

and my heart becomes a little less black;

since i figured out how to add some white.

my breathing hurts; without you i see stars.
brown eyes dilate and my warm heart boasts,
hardly focused and you’ve too many bars.
pushed away but you know that i care most

i roll over in the sheets you just spread
but you can’t even look me in the eye
so you decided love is buríed
and the idea of us must soon die

my heart is sick of putting up a fight,
ever since you held me i have foil’d.
the hardest thing is feeling very quite
of you, and with every sigh, i’m toil’d.

just know you’ll always be my beloved
and i’ll remember you wanted me removed

a.d

they say its the energy
with the way we walked
our shoulders briefly grazing
locked eye to eye
they would always say
its the way you looked at me
and how i’d get beat red in the
face when you’d laugh
its been way too long
i’ve known you for an eternity
and yet we’ve never let
our planets collide. i know
you know it would shake
jupiter and all its moons;
stars would explode,
galaxies would cry...

a.d

for the last time
i am going with
my own mind
you have left me
hunting shadows
and tracing my veins
you begged and pleaded but
is that what you needed?
I’m downing pills
but still
nothing is even close to
being the same
I guess that’ll do
I guess that’s how
I’ll have to get by

a.d

sad mistakes

heartbreaks

aching heart

restart

efforts made

betrayed

******* numb

nauseam

another day

replayed

replayed

a.d

patching the cracks and crevices
inflicted on the walls,
he puts no effort into fixing them

but somehow
its all starting to smooth out perfectly
the deep gashes start to close
and abundant flowers grow
from the worst seams
his  green eyes flutter
and he just stands and watches

in awe, in amazement, in bliss
he steps back from his masterpiece
so beautiful and complete
he grabs her by the waist
and kisses her with all of the
passion he has generated
over the 20 years of living
without someone to love

a.d

can’t see through the clouds surrounding my mind
my stomach aches and burns for answers
answers i feel i may never find under my skin

to this day, my mind still spins and throbs
so rapidly that i travel back into time
the time where i’d live each day with
frigid insides, turning a darker shade
of blue each day while my heart
went away to learn how to function
without any blood

without any emotion
i survived off of the tears of my
loved ones, since i ran dry
long, long ago

a.d

when the sun forgets to come up
if you don’t know who you’ve become
revert back to what’s kept you alive
the things that helped you survive
even through the toughest of times
stay true to yourself for your lifetime

fight for the things dearest to you
keep them for when your hearts blue
follow the instincts you swear are wrong
and you will find where you belong
forget those days of being so depressed
that you throw up until you see stars
or when you smoke 4 whole cigars
utilize your beautiful strengths;
your heart will follow, to unmeasurable
lengths

a.d

completely alone but accompanied
bitter but somewhat lively
the feeling is indescribable
how does it make any sense?
cut out all the feelings from my
dark heart, but still i want more
a piece that can no longer be ignored
but what is it going to take?

i do not wish for everlasting love
since i always shove it away
i do not wish for material
since i have more than i need
too often i get lost in my thoughts
like being in a thick evergreen forest
whirring and whipping around me
as i’m running in the same circles
thick wind caress my numb flesh
i must find the way out
i have to get out

a quest for my desires awaits me
although unsure of the exact path
or my method of adventure
i wont shut my heavy eyes
nor stop to smell the flowers
until i find where i truly belong
where my blissful future awaits
and where my mind and soul will
finally achieve the pure harmony
i’ve always been searching for

a.d

the wind whips and whirls
through my sea of brunette locks
and I look out to the horizon
thinking back to when I shared
that beautiful view with a warm heart
and green eyes that were just like
the sway of emerald seaweed
so gentle and alive

waves crash down around me
and mists my pale face
and I can’t help but think
“what a beautiful disgrace”

a.d

the smell of beer covers me
and I’m flushed with anger
thinking to when it was “we”
my flesh feels like rug burn
my eyes, sinking like anchors

my head spins and spins
deep in my skin I feel
nothing but numbness
my mind will never win
this constant battle with
my intoxicated thoughts

nothing around makes sense
to an unsober mind
yet for just a few seconds I
don’t have a single thought
in my whirling mind
and I feel bliss, remembering
why I decided to pick up
the green can to begin with

a.d

she was like ice
so calm and quiet,
but cold to the touch.
she made you shake
as if you had frostbite,
but in the best way.
even her beautiful gaze
made you freeze and gasp
for another breath.
her frosted eyes
pierced through yours,
but melted when you
grabbed her hand.
a look of fear flashed
as her ice soul
began to melt.
the touch was electrifying
and so she shattered,
but you can still see
her mesmerizing, mysterious
baby blue eyes

a.d

it’s like lightning surging through my brain
from head to toe it’s electrifying
with each step it’s like an earthquake
shattering my bones filled with poison
that I just can’t seem to get enough of
with strength greater than my kryptonite
it’s shaking all of my insides
nostalgia swarms my body and i’m trapped
under the clouds lost in an endless nightmare

a.d

the glass shatters - but i don’t cringe
for i seem to be familiar with the sound.
i walk on by and step over the pile of
the broken mess but i’ve been here before.

it’s deja vu and i fall - just like i expected
and shake like the oceans roar getting up.
my mind always goes numb around this part
but instead i get up and brush it off.

then i think ahead - to when these little
minor scrapes will heal, soon enough.
now it’s getting a little easier to get by
but i still trip over shards from time to time.

a.d

the patter of the rain drops
on my window is like the sound
of a hundred symphonies
leaving me without words
and my mind at peace

the rain, it races down the pane
and carries all of my thoughts
down and drips to a puddle
that gathers up my stolen words
as my breath fogs up the glass

i close my eyes and listen to
the faint murmur of rainfall
oh, the sensation i feel pumping
through my bright indigo veins
when i feel the pleasant patter
through my electrified senses

Gaea oh how you never fail
to impress my embodied soul
whether it be the bliss of rain
or the beams of happiness
protruding from Heilos

the adrenaline and crave for
such beautiful nature
i deem continuously endless
is incomparable to anything
i’ve witnessed in my time

may the flowers forever sway
in elegance, and the birds soar
with impeccable grace. this
such beauty shall never decay
together with my soul intertwined

a.d

when your heart aches for mine,
simply look up at the moon and know
i’ll be looking at it too

a.d

it’s not really the same
to feel your foreign touch
with strange hands on my body
it’s not like what i’m used to

i can tell by your gentle touch
that you’ve been through a lot
they shake like a tree’s flourescent
leaves and move down me like its
steady, swaying trunk

soon those unfamiliar hands
became my everyday craving
their loving movements make me
feel like i’m at home again

but it’s a new home and there’s
a beloved new doormat before the door
there’s new people in the home and
they are learning how to breathe again

but the house needs a little work
with its old patchy walls and
cracked, worn down counter tops
the leaky sink drips to her fast pulse

the house was so new to them
it was a new place to start again
to be able to smile without faking it
to see past the wear-and-tear
and just smile and gaze out of
those beautiful bay windows

a.d

your lips are like the stars
with heaven dancing upon them
in front of the window, counting cars
little fingers fiddling with your hem

the moon rises into the blue skies
and the sun sinks and sets for the day
I turn to look at you, batting my eyes
to see that smile takes my breath away

a.d

you walked into my life and showed me what it was like to fly in the stars but one day i choked you with the truth so you shot me down. months passed and you kept me dangling on the edge of a tightrope wondering if you were going to cut the rope or shoot me back up in the sky. i burned that rope myself on the day i knew you shared your breath in bed with a girl who had fire in her eyes. i couldn’t get that fire out of my head for months. with tears in my eyes and a shattered heart i watched as you showed her how to fly with your glistening emerald eyes. i’d run home heartbroken and throw up to that stupid fire that swallowed you. And still i cringe with every flicker of that fire i see in the corner of my eye from time to time.

with every breath
i sink a little deeper
thinking of death
I just want to
run away

I keep seeing this
beautiful angel
it burns my eyes
and my already
crushed heart

however
through these lace
curtains I watch
sitting and wishing
that angel would
come back

so graceful
and living life
i wish I could too
why can’t I stop
this infinite
drowning ?

a.d

having your other half
get ripped out of you
left alone and breathless
waiting for a rescue

crying until you’re done
thinking until you’re numb
but you won’t let go
of the only happiness
you’ve truly had

living day by day
wounded in the streets
like a flightless bird
limp and left to die

come back to me
heal my broken heart
swoop me in time
before its too late

save me from pain
before I save myself
In away I promised
I never would do

a.d

through the trees
and into the mist,
i came across
a beautiful abyss.
whom was so deep
and dark within,
i took a leap
and began to spin.
spiralling in the
depths of your soul,
my heart stopped
and took a toll.
you scarred me
deep within,
puncturing me
beneath my skin.
a.d

cold toes,
chilled air blows.
leafs fall,
as autumn calls.
prickly chin,
velvet skin.
twinkling blue eyes,
skinny thighs.
moonlight glows,
darkness grows.
stars shine above,
as the lovers love.

a.d

moonlight
you shine so bright
in the sleepless night
so beautiful
so mysterious
with that soft glow
lighting the world up
below

a.d