Lord, I'm lost. Do you hear my cries?

Sometimes, I can't feel you near, I don't feel your affection I can't see the light.

Help me, O Lord, I know I can do it, I knew I could take flight, to the sky, but I need your help, your guiding hand and I will do my part.

Lord, I'm lost, tired and weak. Would you just be with me? And hold me, never to leave?

So hard to trust someone like you.
Because I am afraid that when I lose you when you turn your back on me, I will be hurt. Again.

Don't want to trust myself again, I know I can be shaken, that I am unreliable, easy to forget.

Don't want to trust myself again, what if I turn away again, what if I don't keep my words and make a mess again.

Stop trusting myself already. It happened once or twice a day already.

Stop trusting yourself, trusting your flesh, it's rotten,  hard to predict what it will do next. That will leave you gasping for air, trying to recover again.

love.
what a beautiful word.
full of hurt.
it could hurt.
it hurts.
breaker.
heartbreaker.
family wrecker.
full of life.
could stay a lifetime.
could heal wounds, could make them.
could heal wounds and tear them back up again.
true love........
it hurts because it has to.
tears you apart because of love.
never meant to hurt you but to bring you back.
you would have no lack.

I wish I was back to the times when I knew you. When I knew everything about you. When I knew who you wanted to be. When I knew what was happening in your life.  When I knew you, genuinely, true to life, in real-life.

It's been a couple of years. Not much has changed,   your eyes were watering, but you dared not say you were sad, broken and let down.

Now I don't know if you are true to me, true to what you say, what you show to me.  If you looked happy I won't know if you really were sad, unhappy.

Now I am doubting if I did my job. If they were secrets you kept from me since the very start of our adventure together. Maybe it is for the better.

I don't know you anymore. This I am sure.

I sit in a park.
I wait for a spark.

Searching for something, someone.
Could I see it? I don't know.  
This desire grows.

I look up, it's something from up above.
So I wait, searching, desperate to be touched by love.

There is a side of me,
Broken, weak, left unhealed.

There is a side of me,
That hates myself, wanting to hide away from myself.  I don't want to see myself, in the mirror, i want to flee to somewhere else.

Could i be someone one else. I wish to
be someone else. No. Wishing. I want to be in someone else, someone better then who i am now.

But what if this someone has the same broken soul, hurt, weak, left to die on its own.

its okay.
i could handle this.
i can do it...right?
its alright.
i'm alright.
i can do this.
i can do this on my own.
i don't need their help, don't want them to know.
its okay.

So I thought of you seeing the poem I wrote you.
My heart lit up, filled with joy and gratitude for what you did.

The song that was playing just added to the joy, the gratitude, the assurance, the peace I have.

Golden trees, Golden leaves, shimmering in the sun, blinding lights. Tiny suns, piercing through the night when it rains, it shimmers, all the more, twinkles in the night, shining bright.

It shimmers in my eyes, my eyes smiles wide. The vines of the Golden tree, it stretched out, reaching for its wanted love. It's getting dark, its quieten down, the tree sways, in the melancholy sound of the night. It hurts to see it die, in the middle of the night…. it's dying it's never getting younger it's not getting brighter…