I am caught up in anxiety
It’s something that haunts me daily
A tightness in my chest
Because of the things I know
Everything moving in circles
Nothing permanent
And the love stained in my heart
Will fade
And grow again
But the pain in my chest
Won’t fade
Nor grow

I feel very stuck currently
Between the two different mes
The one that wants to love you
And the other to be free

Another gray day
Clouding my mind
Not capable of peace
When the sun don’t shine

I’m constantly trying imagine and control my future
Think I can know if it’ll be sunny tomorrow
But the clouds come anyway

I wish I could go back to before I had felt love
The deep insatiable longing
A hole that could only be filled by another person
The certainty of a better emotion

Now I know that finding love does not fill holes
Sometimes it makes more of them
And I feel emptier than I did before
Because I know that I have to fill them

But I’m not sure with what

Lost
In something that I
Lost

Today I am struggling
Stuck in my old feelings
And a longing I resent
I miss my old life
As unhappy as I was
Comfortable and safe
No unknowns
Other than the unknowns I chose
Every inch of your body
I knew it all
Every thought in your mind
I thought I could know them all
I feel ties to you
Ones I can’t explain
What forced me to hold on
Despite my pain
Do you not feel them?
Or does your substance love
Let you get by
Probably
You’ll leave the hard work for me
To break the ties