“Can you state your emergency?”
“There’s been a lung collision.”

He’s stealing your breath, darling I can’t feel your lungs
What an aberration, forced to bleed the river of an emotion
You were never taught to feel growing up
I think nobody told you how to feel a colour so hard
Crimson on your neck, on your chest
But I cannot find a wound
Your breath feels like knives
But it’s funny, you’re dying

You’re trying to tell me something
It sounds like the kind of thing you would say right at sunset
Slurring your sevens like you have mints on your tongue
But you are only gasping for air

Marble gazes
Your eyes are lolling back
They are the same eyes that have cut through me
The same eyes I’ve always thought were beautiful
When you were sad

You are weak and you are failing
Completely unlike the times
You would walk in like a sandstorm
No less powerful than a serpent
Beautiful

Now you are trying to speak
“Feels like a fishbone dislodged in my lungs”
And you laugh
You are laughing and you are dying
And this night still feels like day

I tried scraping out the difference
Between guilt and self-loathe
But the answer only lies on the blade of this knife
Maybe I could tell you I don’t know what I did with it
The reason we are not sure from which wound
This blood is seeping from

It wasn't just a lung collision
It was the explosion of a galaxy in your chest
When your ribs bent and cracked
Now they are broken, dust
You are breathing in rust
But it does not matter because you are dying

In the distance there is the sound of sirens
They are coming and they might be far too late.

There is something beautiful about two sad people who agree to hurt each other.
Something comforting.
It is a comfort only very damaged people understand- the tacit agreement to cause pain, and to receive it.
Pleasure is for people who have what they want.
But for those of us who are starving, ours is best peppered with suffering.
Being with someone who understands that carries its own worth-
I don't want you to make me feel good.
I couldn't stand it if you did.
I don't want you to touch me gently, or ask if I'm alright, or stop to look into my eyes.
I am starving, and so are you: I want your teeth.
I want you to make me hurt. And I want to hurt you.
I want you to hurt me because I'm not him, and I want to hurt you because you're not her.
We want to see each other suffer because we are starving and we need to feel that someone else is.
Don't hold back. I want you to lower me because I'm too good for her.
Don't love me, don't caress me. Dig your nails in. Drip candlewax on my stomach.
One step down from torture is all I can stand in the way of human connection, when it isn't her.
Punish me for looking at her like a baleful puppy tonight, even as you waited in my room with your soft skin and your sharp teeth.
There is nothing you can do that will be too violent, too brutal, too sadistic.
I don't want to be loved right now.
I am too raw.
I want to be touched. I want to be ruined. Leave marks. Smear lipstick.
Lower me because I am
Too
****
Good for her.
Let this heart know on no uncertain terms that its needs don't matter.
Help me **** it. Help me pin my demons to the bed and make them writhe, and I will do the same for you.
Let's exorcise our loves tonight and banish them to hell.
Let's tell our skin that it is irrelevant.
Let's say "*******" to the things that bind us. I will cut your heart out for him.
I will kiss your scars, not to heal them but to remind you that when you put them there you fought for something, something we both fight for now.
Hurt me. Fight her. Do it for her.
Do it for her because I'm not good enough to hurt.
Do it for her because I'm TOO good to hurt.
Crush me.
You could boil me alive and it wouldn't make up for her, so at least leave me bruised.  
I will give you what you need, and you will give me what I need: not love, but contact.
Please,
Let my heart know on no uncertain terms that its needs
Don't
Matter.

There is something beautiful about two sad people who agree to hurt each other.

I saw you.
Now i dont.
You held me.
Now you wont.
You said i love you.
Now you coudnt.
Im confused but now i know.
Your not mine and  im not yours.
And it understood.
That's what it was.
No us.
Not anymore.
Not me not even you.
And I'm sorry, your not here.
And im alone.
I know.
I've known.

Tell her she's beautiful
Make sure you tell her every day
Even if she's in her sloppiest sweats and her baggiest sweater
Tell her she's beautiful
And mean it
She won't believe you
But never stop reminding her

Do your best to make her laugh
God she's beautiful when she's laughing
The way her nose wrinkles and her eyes squint
And when she shows that smile
You'll wish she'd never stop

Hold her tight when she cries
She hates showing it
When she has no one else be the one to hold her together
Make sure she never breaks
Squeeze her tight
Let her mascara ruin your shirt
Kiss her on the head let her know
It's going to be okay

She'll wake you up from naps
Just because she wants to spend time with you awake
She'll call you when she's drunk
Because she doesn't know whats going on and needs to hear your voice
She's going to love bothering you
All because she thinks it's cute when you're mad

She makes funny noises at the most inappropriate times
And she dances around the house and pretends to know what she's doing
She's a child sometimes I swear
But you'll learn to love it

Pick her up and kiss her
Kiss her
Like it's the last time
Every time
Look into her eyes
God she has gorgeous eyes
When you try she'll look away because she's shy
But should you get the chance
You'll fall deeper every time

Remind her you love her
And show her with every way possible
Sometimes she'll doubt it
But that's never an excuse to stop
Do whatever you can to put the doubts to rest

She can be a handful
Sometimes a bit too much
But never let her go

Sincerely
A painful memory