I thought I knew myself better than anyone,
The hours I spent
Stood in front of the mirror
Picking new masks to hate every
Day, Hour, Minute

I thought there was nothing more to me,
The pale skin, chewed fingernails,
The tired eyes
Reflecting the sleepless nights- the morning coffee
I thought I was worth nothing.

One night the stars sent me you,
I still see you as a gift
So delicate and fragile;
One mistake and you'd slip through my fingers
Gone. To someone who deserves you.

You unfurled galaxies in my eyes
Flowers in my mind
And feeling in my veins,
You breathed life into my lungs
Sang promises into my ear -

Filling my head with the thought of you.
You have hold of my heart
As though it was precious to you,
But I know better than anyone, if you let it go
then Darling, so will I.

You came home 

With liquor on your lips, stumbling to the ground

And since you fell

You made mommy fall too. 

"Go to your room sweetie” 
Mommy choked to say with your hands around her neck

But you said to come out

& to wipe the tears away.

The tears came pouring out 

so you said that you would give me something to cry about

as you threw a vase to my head

& told me I’m just like my mom.
10 years later I no longer wonder where you are

or why you weren’t there to tuck me in at night. 

10 years later I no longer wonder why you won’t come to my birthday parties

or who that naked girl was in your bed

when you thought I was asleep. 

10 years later I no longer cry “daddy stop it hurts.”

10 years later

and I no longer need you..
Although I never really did.
10 years later and I stopped feeling the shards cut my heart
like that **** vase cut my ******* head. 

10 years later and I realize-

I am just like my mom & I rather be like her 
than you

They asked me why I keep saying that I'm heartless. I told them it's a long story. But I saw the eagerness in their eyes. So I said that it all started the last time I fell in love. When I'm in love, I give my whole life. When I give my whole life, I mean literally everything. There are no walls, no boundaries, no space in between will keep me and my love apart.

I fought the most terrible wars and survived all emotional storms and droughts. I sailed all seas and climbed all mountains for the sake of love. I held on so tight to the rope connecting me and the one I cherish the most. I rode all traveling trains and skipped all stops. It was nothing but magical. Every morning was a glory and every night was a sweet dream.

I was so in love that I cared too much. I cared too much that I left my physical body on the ground while my spirit flew to the sky. I jumped from clouds to clouds following you like the moon to the sun. I couldn't keep my eyes off of you.

But I was a prisoner of love. I loved you so much I became selfless. One day, I asked myself If I really did fully figured you out. Sometimes when I look at you, you give a smile that wasn't genuine at all. You were like a strange mountain no one has ever discovered yet. Were you not comfortable to show your bare self to me that you kept putting bricks to form a wall?

I was dumb enough to think I could dig you up with my rusted shovel. I always hoped that the everyday love I offered you will give you sunrises not sunsets. But as you took them, all I could see was your hungry soul eating all positive energies. You were blue like a cloudless sky.

I felt like the wine bottle you drank from each day. I slowly became empty. I was never refilled.  And they say that saints and heroes are the only martyrs and for the first time in my life I felt like one. Strange how my only motivation was a flag with an inscription of the word love.

Do you remember that very night when you asked me to let you go? It hurt me even more. I've been spending all my time just thinking about you. I loved you too much. But was that it? Was it because I loved you too much? Was it that you couldn't handle it? You never told me the reason. I watched as you readied yourself for the coming war that would end all city fires. You shattered all glasses in my shelves once you turned your back at me. I waited for you to utter your last words but you never did. You walked away like a member of a funeral band. I was left standing with now a hopeless dream. It was too late when I noticed that you were holding a cloth in your hands. I didn't know what was inside until I watched my hands unconsciously hold onto my chest. At that moment, I fell on the cold ground and swam on my own blood. You took my heart with you. You stole it from me.

Before I closed my eyes that day, I swore to never love again. But why would I love? I am now heartless. My chest is now empty. I can never love anyone again.

People like you come and go. I never knew that your true form was a thief with a black coat. You steal hearts and leave.