Patience is a virtue,
they tell me,
only so that I won’t dare expect more
than what has been given to me,
should my heart shudder
with every desire I deepen into oblivion.
I vowed to shed my tears in silence,
not to disturb the sublime harmony of things,
not to listen to the deadly screams
that are bellowing me to them.
Our world is running late.
Our world promised us that which can’t be obtained,
that which lies inside each and every person
who finds their chest pounding
to the same rhythm
stars are born with.

Anticipation;
a drop of hope and a pair of arms lifted to the sky-
there is nothing more.

It’s hard to dwell
in a world not my own,
where no one comes to find me,
no one comes to make sense of
the words I rip from myself
like dead skin.

I don’t exist,
just as tonight never happened,
just as your lips never rested
upon mine.

I am made of hollows-
not much of anything,
maybe just a shadow,
maybe just the last cry of loneliness
before a cold hand comes to smother it.
It’s hard to imagine a future
in which
I won’t be just a repressed thought,
just a rain drop that refuses
to come down to earth.

And yet I try-
even if every time I turn to the light,
darkness is never far behind me,
ready to grab me by the shoulder
with her precise and malicious claw.

I could’ve loved you better.
I could’ve entwined my thoughts with yours,
hoping to create a bond so strong
that when we were to fall,
it wouldn’t be broken by gravity.
I could’ve peeked through the key hole
of your mind
just to get a glimpse of what
you were trying to hide.
I could’ve been standing
at the edge of the galaxy in your eyes,
in awe of all the ways in which you shone,
be it day or night.

Perhaps I didn’t know how to;
perhaps I thought I had more time.

I could’ve loved you better.
But I didn’t even understand how you could
so simply
so purely
so divinely
love me.

This is called loneliness.
This is more than what I bargained for
when I let you rip out my soul
and drag me in this underworld
of burning feelings
and forgotten people,
of everything that’s left behind
after it’s been used.
I feel your eyes on my tender skin
and it burns like venom through my blood.
But don’t you know
I’m becoming immune
with each passing second
and one day my gaze won’t be buried in the ground anymore.
Don’t you dare not look me in the eye
or run from my claws and growing scales;
Don’t you dare be surprised
if one day I bite without any warning;
don’t you dare say you’re sorry
before I turn you into stone.

This is called monstrosity;
this is becoming what you’ve always dreaded.

To demand too much is a sin;
so is rising to where I think I belong,
to where I remember I came from.
I remember,
even if the gods want me to forget,
to erase from my memory
the stern voice
they banished me with.
I came to earth through light-
the light of Jupiter’s wrath
after I dared wish for more.
Hubris is not to be played with,
is what the scars on my back remind me each night,
yet all I understand is,
I have nothing to fear anymore.

Do not tell me how to fall,
not when I still hold the memory
of having had wings.

You do not **** a goddess.
You open up her chest,
looking for magic
and leaving darkness instead.
You caress her skin
until the stars cut through it
from the inside,
eager to be touched as well.
You look for the universe in her eyes
and you get lost,
while she has to find you again.
You do not **** a goddess,
you do not make her less than she is,
but you lose her,
if while worshipping her
you forget that she bleeds.

There are feelings left inside of my chest,
just waiting to be stirred up,
to heat up,
to erupt.
But I’ve learnt to bite my tongue
and tighten my fists
and close my eyes until it passes.
Because it’s temporary,
it’s always temporary,
just like everything we ever had
and I don’t hold on to the temporary anymore.
I breathe in and I breathe you out,
day by day.
My throat might clench
from every word I’ve left unspoken,
but it’s time to swallow the bitterness
and let it be forgotten.
I am not to be devoured by it,
I am not to be haunted,
I am not to be knelt down by a memory
that has always been blurry.
Even when you were right in front of me,
I could never see your edges,
as if my brain had decided right from the beginning
not to remember you.
Remember me not.
Remember me not.
Remember me not.