So much swirling in my head today
and swirling in the world around me

In spaces meant to connect us
with faceless, nameless, bodyless people of the world

Stories shared that resonate all too familiar
spurred on by that charged phrase

grab them by the *****.

I still wonder how it went down
waking up in bed, wondering how i got home

Not knowing where that night had gone,
until you bragged about your conquest

Memories lost, in black and blur
did I block in naive hopes to save my soul?
or had I drowned my memory in drink
ensnaring myself

It led to quarrels with the one I loved,
bragging lead to broken hearts, once for my love, twice for me

pray for the *****.

As we watch hundreds of women pronounce their pain,
I pray for the countless more festering silently inside

For broken dreams, shattered hearts, swirling minds,
and the weights we can't unload

I feel fingertips vibrating
playing the notes of excitement
like flesh covered tuning forks
recently struck.

They quiver and resonate
boundless potential
humming to find the right note.

Within their quaking grasp
not quite out of reach
yet just far enough to risk falling
into a ravine of uncertainty if stretched too far.

Aching bones and coiled tendons
dreaming of grasping
that which whispers at longing reach.

Clench tightly and hold strong
let that quivering palm be your tell.

Your world and your calling,
are ready for you.
Trust your knowing hands
just let your heart swell.

Crisp, cold winds dance up a creaking trunk
lingering on the neck before tracing their way up the branches.
Leaning into the cold bark
interlacing long fingered gusts between outstretched buds.
The last leaves still clinging
quiver and drift away in swirling arcs.
A new dew rests upon shaking skin
glassy, smooth and sharp.
Whorling zephyrs drifting further
finding new flirtations in the night.

I know you
a smile dances across your lips.

sweet surrender to your fingertips dancing upon my flesh
the pressure of an expected routine
a new embrace born of familiar intent.

bring soft design
to the patterns danced upon my sunken channel

step to the rhythm of our design
a river rises to swell within you.

Until that cold truth bubbles to the surface
I let the sweet, soft silk of your touch press into my thigh.

Unflinching vibrations, a platitude
Frothing vibrations as connections tenuously entwine.

The swell within, clench tight, open deeply
I will rewrite your troubled past.

Inhale
Heart lifts high
Back arch
Ribs spread and flex
Open wide, stretch, fill the air
Cat, full belly, arched back, stretching paws to the sky

forlorn wanderer, lost soul
she drank the neck & shoulders from that bottle of whiskey
where do you travel with that tattered map
how do you know when you are home.

thick rolling clouds swell above the road
cumulonimbus
dark and tumultuous omens for a weary traveler
who doesn't recognize home.

forlorn wanderer, timid soul
she hid from a world that never made her whole
sweet child, why do you hide
what secret do you keep that can't be known.

a swelling tide tumbles waves upon the shore
noreaster
strong and dangerous for a tired heart
who can't bear to find shore.

forlorn wanderer, aching soul
she collapsed into her aching heart
what broke in you that keeps on beating
how can we mend your brittle core.

oh sweet girl
the weight of the world
draws you ever closer to the ground.
stand tall
as you lap the cool springs into you.
draw yourself up
feel safe
there's nothing to fear now.
release the sharp claw
dug into the ground.
let yourself be free

this hole can not be patched
with plaster, mud or straw

sweet little birdies they come
bring their hearth and home
warmth, love, and soft down

the weather turns and the days grow short
and away blows the sweet familiar of their song

again it gapes
empty and forlorn
no house, no home.

how i wish to cover
with tiny doors, soft curtains and warm embrace
this drafty open wound

come back sweet little birds
and fill us with sweet songs

bring your majesty
calamity
to this hovel built for two

The weight of you, bears upon my shoulders
my chest
my soul

I feel you swell within me, bearing down into the swirling darkness.

I want, need, crave

I must stare into the depth of you, and find that evasive piece.
Why can't you be here in more than just body and flesh.

the whispers of an unfamiliar voice
she's so this
too that

you're too perfect
i hate you
i want to be you

the hardened shell
an outer facade
a person crafted to appear

your demons
should meet my demons
fast friends in twisted truth

hide behind my veil of posture
act confident
fool the world

a wry smile
uncertain terms
heart pounding and unsure

carry on
brush it off
nothing to see here.

I feel the longing
the loss
Saudade.

I miss you,
I want you,
partner.

Take your hands off me
get away from me
I hate you

These bruises will heal
my heart will soften
you will forever torment me.

I am stronger than this.
I am better than that.
I can be repaired.

It comes at night
as you lie in bed
Awake.
Every muscle is paralyzed
with fear
with terror
you can't move.

The darkness creeps across the ceiling
coming closer
hovering above you.
All you feel is fear
it encompasses every inch of you
takes your breath away.

You want to kick every muscle
scream out loud
thrash and fight.
But you cant
you cant move.

Awake
but dreaming.
You struggle to wake yourself up
to kick your legs until you can sit up
and stop the blackness from creeping over you.
But you cant
you cant move
cant cry out
cant wake up
cant make it stop.

It comes at night.
Sweet Dreams

I'm laying in bed listening to the rain. It picks up even more everytime I think of you.
Can't sleep currently, but hoping to drift off soon. Hoping for sweet dreams. Hoping for the real you soon.
Somehow.
Something real & tangible & true.
Us.