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ANTONIO Ainnoot Jan 2024
It felt like starvation; now only death can ease insatiable inquisitions.
Marveled by celestial decisions, And while the findings are marvelous, I still question existence.
My mind was traveling parsecs; I couldn't digest the doctrines—I was losing my religion.
Question it all.
I'm mad enough to go to war, but I can't save the world.
One must taste the dirt before all can be unearthed.
The further I ferret the rabbit hole, the more is known of which I don't.
I know there's nothing after this.
My environment, the catalyst, called for perspectives few could ever witness.
The story's just beginning.
The pieces coalesced for the nascent stages of my thesis.
Instead of hiding behind my intellect, I set sail on the Ship of Theseus.
ANTONIO Ainnoot Jan 2024
I used to be a different man, bent and mad,
Until a spiritual awakening, rude enough to shake a man,
Forced my hand to take the driver's seat,
To tackle my reality.

Full force is what it takes to move snakes from the grass,
Every path you tread should never be the last.
Know that even when it snows or slows,
It shows you weren't putting on a show,
Because you made it past every single one of your episodes.

I had to cut her loose, even though her caboose could move a moose,
My knuckles are bruised from doing too much Bruce Lee to Richard.

*****, you surprised?
You think if I knew I could rap like this,
I'd keep the disguise.

I euthanized the part of me that used to think
Part of me was incomplete,
Now I'm into pottery and quietly winning the lottery.
Pardon me, the oceans parted for me long ago.
If there's anything that you know that I don't, would you rehearse it?
Sometimes I feel that I've been cursed
With enough knowledge to have been bathed in the Lazarus Pit eternally.

I yearn for thee to come forth,
He who believes could spit better.
Ever since I learned to read, I had to see what they didn't want me to see.
It's deceit really to have been withheld from intimacy.

I mastered the art of plastering smiles through the anguish.
I'm an insane human who's come to disrupt the English language.
I'm fascinated by plains, dames, fractals, diamonds, societal changes, and women.

I grew up listening to mad rappers and what churches called sinning,
But I knew what was meant for me from the very beginning.
ANTONIO Ainnoot Dec 2023
My biggest fear was dying, nowadays it's feeling alone. It took me twenty-eight years to peer into the looking glass. Somehow, I found that my habits weren't so destructive. Overly mindful of my own disruption, I was dangerously close to doing nothing.

Struggling, searching for pieces long removed from its subject, led me to the mountains. Time unveiled its wisdom; the pain made me philosophical as the years escaped my grasp. Alas, as the years amassed and the veil slowly faded, I came to understand that trials and tribulations should never foster hatred. It's never too late to ask. Every path you tread should never be your last.

Perfected words whisper through me as the pain comes to an end, and I delve into the depths where habits lie shattered. Self-destructive patterns become easier to distinguish. I knew I could pursue some new beginnings if I quit being distant.

Picture me fitting in. Picture me painting pictures in sync, not as a victim. There are things that I've been missing out on.
I just haven't been living.
I relinquish my resistance—for me.
ANTONIO Ainnoot Dec 2023
Glass half empty, half filled, I cannot philosophize how much of a fool I've been.
To reminisce what we once were, then,
I continuously stare at pictures of you.
My most hopeful assumption is you're blossoming—that you're much happier.

All praise is due to the most omniscient.
Sometimes I wish you weren't so firm in your position.

May your garden be adorned with galore, all your memories recorded, and when you hear your calling, may you not ignore it.
May all your bouquets be orchids, and cups filled to the brim.
I hope that you're in love with all that you've conceived,
And when he sings how much he loves, may you believe in him.
ANTONIO Ainnoot Dec 2023
There’s nothing novel in my possession
simply a puzzle mind with a broad perspective
Replete with concepts and dozens of questions
Sometimes I wonder if time will confess to its intentions
Does more await of quasars remnant?
Because I see where the dots connected
I am receptive to the astral message hidden amongst the stars
Though if on this journey, were I ever to embark, I must leave the mind ajar
existential fog
ANTONIO Ainnoot Nov 2019
(Verse 1)
Although right now this means nothing,
all I can offer is an apology
so pardon me for the tears that shed.
I kept us hidden cause I wasn’t ****.
Our world was filled with secrets
that I feared others could never accept.
I eradicated all of the intimate pics you’ve ever sent
All I have are mental mementos.
The memories are only gone when I’m faded.
It helps not to remember because
I’m haunted by “we almost made it”.
I dare not remember the sweetest kiss I’ve ever been graced with
or let the next one even remotely resemble
the control that was over me.
You’re not the one I thought you’d be.
Truthfully, I wish you were here,
so I keep you in my poetry to feel you near.

(Interlude)
I write and write but there’s always something missing.

(Verse 2)
I miss,
sitting on top of the world and being understood.
I miss,
the gaze into my eyes so I could focus on yours.
I miss,
the day's love songs would resonate a bit more.
I miss,
our dope conversations and the breaks I‘d take just to get my fix.
Now my walks home are quiet and my playlist just doesn’t sound the same.

(Outro)
I write and write because there’s always something missing.
I know that I talked your ear off
…I just hope you listened.
ANTONIO Ainnoot Oct 2019
You know the things you do for validation obscure your worth, but you go for it anyway because there’s nothing that feels worse than the hurt.
A little reminder that something you’ve had since birth is desired lights a fire fierce enough to remove your shirt.

You’re lost, but still, find yourself in other people.
You keep finding the pain, the kindness, it’s an endless sequel.
idk
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