Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
  Oct 2014 Maggie White
AFJ
I told her if she stayed I wouldn't write another word.
Id take every notepad hiding in my closet and watch it burn.
She looked at me bewildered.."Now wouldn't that be absurd?,"

So I explained..
How every phrase i jot down is rooted in pain..

Stemming from grief..
Lack of belief..
Lack of understanding love outside of the sheets.
Reminiscing of a time when the piece would bring peace.

When all I ever longed for was a piece of mind.
but longing doesn't exist in a land before time.

and that is where every single one of my lost pages resides in...
a land lost, never to be seen again yet glowing in a pile of debris like diamonds...

So you see if you stay.,

The demons that keep me up at night would all disappear.
In consequence I wouldn't write my memories in fear..
that perhaps one day ill lose my mind along a pier.

Don't ask me if she stayed.


-afj
  Oct 2014 Maggie White
Q
I'll write a letter
To those who matter
Because, though I won't be there to see
I want to imagine the faces of those
Who I'm not writing to.

I'll write a note to him because he still intrigues me
It'll be a cowardly note that says everything I couldn't
And I'll cross my fingers when I open my veins,
I'll pray he didn't care for me
I'll pray it doesn't hurt him
Because he doesn't deserve it.

I'll write a note to her because she's his
And he's hers and that still hurts me somedays
And because I love her like I love him:
In a million, million ways.
And I'll cross my fingers when I open my veins
I'll pray she's enough to get him to stay
I'll pray she doesn't care so she'll be okay.

I'll write a note to her because she birthed me
And I'll explain the importance of contraception
And I'll tell her I don't blame her and give absolution
And then take it back in the next sentence.
And I'll cross my fingers when I open my veins
I'll pray she hurts until she can barely breath
In the same breath, I'll pray she forgets me
And uses the rest of her life to be as free as she wanted to be.

I'll write a note to him because he's my sister
And I'll explain the way I hate him and do hate him
And I'll explain the way I never stopped feeling the rage
Of every single wrong he did me over the years
And then I'll forgive him because he doesn't need me to
And I'll cross my fingers when I open my veins
That he'll understand the simplicity and importance of tact
I'll pray that he gets everything he wants in life
I'll pray he understands why I couldn't wish that
While there was still air in my lungs.

I'll write a note to him because I hate him and I love him
And it'll explain the way child abuse lingers for years
And it'll say how much I wanted to see his grave before my own
And it'll say how I never wanted to see anyone live forever besides him
And it'll explain how he hurt me by withholding unconditional love
It will explain how little I cared after the first decade crept by
And I'll cross my fingers when I open my veins
And I'll turn over to pray
I'll pray he gets what he's due
I'll pray he finally dies
I'll pray he gets some happiness
And I'll do it all in one word: Why?

Those are the notes I'd write.
No one else I'd explain to.
Those are the people who've impacted my life.
If I keep death bare and simple.
I'm not crying this time.
I'm not just on the brink, about to go
I'll think, just as I always do
But there's no indecision anymore.
This is not a place I want to be
Not a life I want to live
But I still have a single ambition
I've still got one last wish.

So I'll do it.
I can be my own shooting star.
I'll get that last dream done
And open a vein? Or step in front of a car?
When I'm done with that I'll write a will
Containing three items:
Burn all my stories and poetry, delete my existence
Cremate my body, funerals are too expensive.
Be honest in my death, express your abhorrence.
  Oct 2014 Maggie White
fdg
you constantly quote
"it's alright
to tell me
what you think
about me"
but you also say
"take notes"
when our friend talks of how bad it is for the woman to say "i love you" first
and i am constantly torn between saying,
"I'm in love with you"
or asking
"do you still like it when I'm around?"

I don't know what I want with my life,
but ****, i know it might be bad to say,
but right now in life, day to day
today, tomorrow
I want you in it.
****** - Blink 182 (duhh)
Maggie White Oct 2014
A traveler new in town,
Was walking down the street.
His eyes fell on a girl that passed;
One that he felt eyes should never meet.

He stopped and stared after her.
Odd he thought this young.
A man that sold flowers on the street
Noticed the traveler holding his tongue.

He nudged the man gently,
His voice low, he said,
“Traveler, I would not follow.
You would be better off dead.”

The traveler asked,
“Who is this soul
That walks gracefully there?
For I would like to know.”

The merchant stared at the man
With half a mind to walk away.
But then he thought,
Why not? For it's been a dreary day.

“First, do not be fooled by her image.
Her name is Lady M.
It is said those who seek after her
Are never seen again.

“They say she has no soul.
They say she’s long been dead.
Those of us who know her at all
Dare not walk where she’s led.

“Her eyes are black and empty,
But stare into your being.
She takes your worst and horrible fears
And turns them into everything you’re seeing.

“She has no family to be found
She belongs to no one at all.
No one would dare touch her.
No one would catch her if she were to fall.”

The man looked at the merchant
In unbelief and surprise.
And said, “My dear man,
What you say must all be lies!

“How can you expect to know her
If you talk about her in such a way?
Here, I will prove you wrong.
With her I will spend the day.”

The merchant pitied the spell-bound man,
Gave him a lily and said,
“Then go now with this flower
That I sell for the dead.”

The man, not noticing
The merchant's warning words,
Took the flower in his hand
And turned to follow her...
                                                ...
      ­                                              ...
               ­                   He followed that girl into the woods,
                                           The one they call Lady M.
                                    He followed her to know the truth,
                                          And was never seen again.
  Oct 2014 Maggie White
NeroameeAlucard
The bottle sits on the table half air half a concoction of my ow design
But then I guess is shouldn’t be surprised since I use it to free me from the demons in my mind
They say you can easily kick these habits and beat the depression
But lord have you ever tried?

Have you ever tried to finally kick
The habit when practicing you seem to fit
Into society, it was wrong but felt so right
Even though you knew it could end your life?

Have you tasted bitterness, smitteness, anger and hate
All in the same day so you play
With others feelings so you could enjoy
The ice cold taste of revenge on your plate?

I guess that’s what the bottle does to us
It eats at the bust and turns them into dust
We can be high as kites, then next full of spite
Happy as bedbugs and with childish delight
We can watch as we die hardly putting up a fight.

You know what, the hell with this, the bottle DIES TONIGHT.
Step it up
Step it up to the bars
Break through so I dont break down
Quit asking how long it will take
Start paying attention to the steps as you escape now
That dungeon
Lonely cerebellum
Celebrity status dwelling
Inhaling stale stagnant smoke
A magnetizing choke
As the **** ties tantric knots iside your throat
Thoughts float from the dark
Poke and **** the slot to the key of happiness

Do I regress?*
If I regret my next step
Or do I stay in the night
Crying I wished I'd try
Into a broken mic
Downtrodden eyes
Staring at a life with my body nothing but a reason to build a shadow behind a hollow object

No.
There is a force inside of me
A silent tide in me
Feeding a violent seed
Raising a timeless tree
Etchings proclaiming I'm poetry
Lasting forever
Engrained internally
The grains absorbing the light
The limbs moving towards
The beautiful afternoon rays
Next page