**** 2 birds with one stone
Break two hearts
But not grow
Save yourself
But lose hope
Risk your inner sanity
By conforming
To all of humanity
Btw
What is family ?

Don't get engulfed in your history
Or history in general,
Sometimes history is meant to stay in the past,
We are creatures of structure,
When something's broke we try to fix it
And then we often say a lesson has been learnt
And we feel rich
But should we really try to fix things
And recreate history
When in reality
The future is but a mystery
And if you take the mystery out of history
Your future is the past
And not the future
So really
Just stay like a present
Box yourself
But put a pretty bow on the top
Even if you're cheap
Because
Cheap looks cute on you

Tonight I relived our life
Heck I relived our story
But I didn't give in
I didn't pick up the pen
Tap into my fears
I didn't pick up a pencil
I just listened for once
And as the seconds turned to minutes
For once clocks
Time
And us
Really felt incredibly man made

A tribe is a group of people,
followers,
strangers,
people you think you know,
wasting dreams
for someone they dont yet know,
but pride
pride may be ego
but atleast ego
is someone you know
not someone you dont !

Better at creating,
The best at manipulating,
But why do I always find myself...
Sat here just waiting?

Follow your heart
It is the compass that leads to
Chocolate
Icecream
Sundaes
Days of sunshine
Days wrapped in fuzzy blankets
Swimming almost ****
******
Sky diving
Diving through space
Finding space with certain people
Boundaries


To be continued..

The world feels alot less scary with music,
An escape goat
Through the ears and out the mouth
Or fingers
Depending on who you are

Artificial like fake?
False?
Imperfect?
Gone mad?
Impartial?

Comparing kills creativity but creation triumphs tv!

.. One makes smiles for the self
While one paints false smiles on somebody else!

Sign here
She said,
Red chipped fingernails pointed at a broken line
Every letter you drew
Made me cringe
I paced back and fourth
Each penstroke
Took painstakingly longer than the last
The middle aged woman watched me like a hawk
Whispering to her coworker in some foreign language

Sweat rolled down my forehead
One minute felt like an hour


I looked at the sign and then at the clock
I looked at the clock
And then at the sign

"missing since tuesday"
I studied the image
properly wondering how
2 full time employed people
Could be here
bagging for money

Did she hit him with a hammer?
knock too much sense
Into his head?
Blow his brains out with a shotgun?

Hide his body in a dumpster
Or dig a shallow trench
And toss him in
Drown him in a river


He wasnt supposed to die that day!

Did he bleed alot?
What was he wearing a worksuit?
Did he have children ?
How old was he?

The sign was cold and uncaring
Like the man went missing and the world hardly noticed

The sign was vague.
It had been torn and re-taped
Hanging only by a hair.

It waved in the window and I noticed.
I noticed.
I noted.
And i nodded.


Finally with the transaction complete
Money in our pockets
And too many unanswered questions
From a missing man id never meet
We left.
My mind still puzzled with question.

We are not robots.
Our bosses just program us
to operate machines

Robotically

I know I should eat
But I'm too full to be hungry
I know I should sleep
But I'm too awake to be tired
I know I should grieve
But I'm too hurt to forgive
....
2beContinued

Chocolate pudding
Cheese
Where'd did all the summer leaves go
Gone with the wind
Rustling through the trees
All that's left is broken dreams
Cries and screams
A Made up belief
Make shift keys
Crooks & thieves
Everyone leaves

I once was tangled in a web of confusion
Id sit at my desk
Trying to untie the knots in my stomach
Trying to forgive the world for forgetting I exist

I had a voice but only on paper
Could it be heard

One day a magic pill changed this

Or so I thought

Can I chalk up success to a pharmaceutical company?

Override all strengths
That might have lived inside of me?

I don't know
I may never know

All I know is that I can't ***** this up

I ******* this up

when did we get so old
to enjoy lifes leisure's
The simple pleasure in walking down an unfamiliar path
the simple pleasure in reading a book
To get a laugh
the the simple pleasure in feeling more than just happy or sad

digging into our childhood youth
taking the time to look at picture books a time or two
taking the time to write a short story
or scribble a dog in a note book
fold origami and try to predict our lives
through a little piece of paper
that only seemed to lie

when did we get so old that
a play date
meant ***

that a simple card game
lead to
An axe of respect

when did we get so old
that a drink or two
Meant
twenty two
When did we get do old?

We didnt mature!

We only grew.

threatened
like a cornered animal
like a fish
like a frog
like a harmless
warthog -
i dont even know anymore
grown adult
acting like a kid
feeling like a child
i once was lied to

once decieved
once a little part of me died
a part of me cried
****** over
curled up
evil was all i trusted
evil was all i lusted
torn
just a ball
covered in scrapes

covered in scrapes of
pain,
bruises
and too many loses

till i realized

people grow
people go
people leave
people see
that life is just a flash
in front of thee
that life is just
a flash
a flash
in front of we

the sky so golden so pure
the red the gold the auburn hue
glowing so brightly
hidden eyes
of the ones so true
the rain falls on the wicked and the good
it can be me or it can be you

the weather does not discriminate
good bad mediocre it dont care your all wet
youre all set for ups or downs
for crowns or crows
for snakes and arrows

when love and intimacy means everything

you dont need a ring
to define love wins
to define

love means

life lived and learned
or life lived but never learned
which ever you perfer
what ever your quirks
life has its twerks
of unwinding
unweaving
of showing reason
even in the harshest of season

the wind pushing down an icy street
i dont have to walk
i have two feet

i slide to the rink
my toes are frozen

personality on fleek
im a bit of a freak

rock of ages
blares the speaker

i cant help but think
this is a moment in time

a once in a life time
all that leaves me is memories

the church
the coach
the house
the mouse
the couch
the rink
the time
that sinks

everything gone
just a memory

for me -
a scoop in reality
of something
you cant see

when all was told and done,
family and friends will lie within,
nothings gonna matter,
about the ****** weather,
just a speck in the flow,
a grain of sand
of let go
realizing that life is short
oak or willow
how will you be -
will you bend or will you break
the oak will break
but willow will bend
thus common knowlege
that line i said.
hold on tight to the water
though it is liquid and a bit
'a bother
hold too tight and youll have nothing
hold to lose and watch it sploosh
a speck of knowledge
wasted

Please don't slurp your coffee loudly
Spit splats over the table
Snot rags scatter along the floor
Crickets crunch under our toes
Its hard to believe this is the life we chose
It's hard to believe
That me
Was once we

Your thoughts will destroy you if you let them
Watch them wash away all happiness through a river
Better yet a flood
Sinking
Swimming
Drowning
Dying
I'm dying
But all you see is you

I hear the alarm
It's same tune chiming loudly like a preset radio from a love sick sucker
Drowning in liquor
Talking quicker than his thoughts can arrange
And I think to myself
Why do i bother to wake up
Why do we say good morning when we really mean bad ?

Tongues are weapons
But actions are shields
I'm not hurt that you're upset
I don't feel bad for being brutally honest
Exploiting every feeling
Stabbing your front when you claim it was the back
I was only trying to help
But you mistook help for hell.
(I'm innocent)

Love is not being too realistic but not being too abstract
Love is far more the bow and less the arrow it's the ribbon on the present instead of the heart shaped box
Love is knowing when to give and appreciating more when you receive
Love is a single I miss you text at 2am
It's a million miles away thought
And a one thousand dreams in a minute
It's a deconstructed highway
In the middle of *** **** no where
Lost and out of gas
But romance needs no fuel
It doesn't need butane or a lighter
It doesn't spark when you light it
It just finds its own way
Straight through the heart

I don't see the sunset with the pink and purple hues blending together like cake batter before you lick the spoon I see castles millions of them spread out so far stars in the galaxy would be jealous of the distance ... distance yes distance something we need more of.. something I need more of... I am not some deep sea mermaid you can just use when ever you please or show me off like a trophy on your tv stand. I am more. So much more. Give me a chance to sink even if you know I can't swim. Please.

Patiently waiting for the text to come in
A ping to remind me I'm still dead from within
I look to the sky but no birds fly on by
It's empty it's grim
It reminds me of him
Bottled up anger can't be contained in a bottle
It explodes like a volcano
And soon no isn't ok though.

I used to wake up from scary dreams but now my dreams have become reality
And dreams are the great escape

It's scary to feel alone
But more scary to feel alone
With someone
With friends and family
She's swept under an old rug
Dust particles dance in the wind
And the rhythms dont match
Her clothes neither
Some odd denim jeans
And a torn shirt
She hated new
And embraced the old
Experience and wisdom
Like an owl calling out
From it's perch

The grass isn't greener on the other side
That ***** is dead
Dead like the leaves crusting over on the sidewalk
Dead like the heart you don't even bother to acknowledge
I heard you
You know
I listened
You know

A friend is like a ball
You bounce it and it leaves but it always comes back

A lover is another story
It leaves and when it's gone it's gone for good

People need to learn the importance of a friend

Would you rather a life where you are guaranteed joy and laughter everyday

Or a week holiday banked with amazing *** and pure ecstasy
Then gone the following Monday

A friend is a ball with a plan
A lover is a plane with no landing

If you could
Hold onto love you would squeeze it
Suffocate it
'til it's capillaries are bursting
Pretty blues and purples would rise
Coating the reds and oranges that we're used to
Ud grab it by the neck carelessly
Sink your teeth into it
With no second thoughts
Your heart would be racing
And the passion
spot on
Legs vibrating from excitement
' not wrong !
Not wrong until the birds stop their song
And the bees stop their buzzing
The silence grows long
And the love is just gone

it was that moment
when pain conquered health
and she realized
i need help

uneducated
illprepared
not ready
going no where
buzzing noises
shakes
heartbreaks
realizations
interpersonal
internalize
you dont even understand
or begin to see
the ways ive tried

You used to be smart
Book smart
Head so far in books the boys only read you for your body
They still do
But now you're slipping
Fading
Falling
Crumbling like the stones on the east side of the cliff
And the downfall isn't pretty
It's not filled with
Diamonds or gems
Expensive purses
Or MacBooks

It's empty
It's lost
And it's scary

It's alone

Trust me when I say this
I've been there
It's not pretty

You can't have your cake and eat it too but occasionally you can chip away piece by piece until all the crumbs and slivers are a whole lot of full belly and afternoon naps

Tears roll down the edge of her cheeks
Pushed to the brink
"It was me"
That she thinks

So she sits and stirs
About the he's and the hers
In a fast paced world
Where close your eyes
And it's over

A disappointment at best
Would they still miss you
The answer is yes

A gentle caress
In time she'll express
For now just be patient

Write in third person
Like lifes a game
Jokes on you friend
there's only
You to blame

"How to love people and use things instead of using people and loving things"

The aching body
demands to be held
But the anxious mind
Over-rides with
No chance
in hell !

I don't not want to love
I'm afraid to lose
To lose something is like
Hearing sounds but seeing no picture
Or thinking thoughts but having no voice
I can't lose anymore
I'm already too lost

as time speeds up
the world slows down

as the world slows down
the people lose hope

when the people lose hope
the music goes quiet

the curtains close
the doves stop flying

the world isnt sleeping
the world is dying.

i am exactly like you mom
i have your blonde hair
the curls
the long lashes

i talk just like you
to be frank
i am your mini me
but something about me is different

where you seek love
i seek to lose it

three words
i havent said in probably 3 years
maybe longer

compliments
i dont do compliments
i do insults
or complex
complicating
evading
  
being elusive and ****
with a dark sided twist

i dont know
i feel like the world
always owes me
like ive been robbed at gun point
by my own silver bullet

sometimes i wish that
i could just **** well do it

get it over with
you know

load it
point it
**** it
blow it

but the problem is
i'm just like you

i'm too afraid of
jumping hoops

picking them up
and setting the rest of the world on fire
spinning the rings
on my left thumbs
typing up poems
because in person
i just sound dumb
........

i stopped writing
when i realized the world stopped reading
i stopped singing
when the world stopped listening
i stopped living
when the world offered me
dead beings
slobs
addicts
worthless
a-holed
throw me in a hole
dig it so deep that
it could fit me you and your dog
before we both get old
too old to ****
too old to love
too old to reason
too old to stop and
feel the season change
the world painted full of flowers
the kind my mother put in my hair
on the day when love was born
little did she know
that love was never sworn
in
it didnt last
it never lasts.

Family
Friends
Coworkers
Strangers
Partners
Rings
Wrongs
Rights
Why's
Tries
Lies
Goodbyes
Thighs
But still
Alone
Single
Lonely
Little

The storm is brewing
The wind spits parked cars left right and center
Sometimes I'm in the middle of the universe
Wide eyed
Confused
And lost
Alone and scared
Locked in a cage like a bird
Gripping to metal bars
And poor sounding electronica
Dancing all night
And sleeping all day
Hands blistered
Trying to hold on
While the world spins too fast
Change is too hard
Time is too short
Kids are too young
Adults are too old
Something has to give
Because standing in the middle
Makes me forget the reasons
Of why I should live

I always think drinking solves everything but the only thing solved is realizing that everybody is always drinking with others to have fun and I'm always drinking alone to ....
Exist.
Escape.
Erase.
Arouse.
Unwind.
But it never works.
It.
N   E
  V
    E
R
Works.

When people talk does it hurt you too? The stares the glares the smirks the curses cross your heart and stick a needle in your eye not your arm although sometimes blood is beautiful like a river until its running down your legs and you can't seem to stop it

Please stop it
(To be continued..)

The trees cast shadows
Like the dark ones
Chain-linked
to our
Hearts

grey white water droplets played peek a boo amongst the
tips of the trees in the skyline.
tickling their tops with soft gusts of wind. weaving in and out like a miniature vortex. it was peaceful. it was calming. there were no rustling of animals. not even the birds made peeps. the sky seemed to shadow the earth of all living. the white blanket hugged the land, ******* it dry of occupation. Jayden stood in the center of its mouth. A dream like state engulfed her mind. Her thoughts obsolete. Everything seemed divergent. Her footsteps echoed as she  walked along the concrete. She looked upwards again  - this time noticing the gold emerging .  How could the sky canopy such beauty in nothing. No color, no sound, no taste.