you told me
I didn't really have a
miscarriage
and I swear
the death inside me
kicked

it's nights like this, when we tangle
together like weeds in a seabed of lust
i beg for once, your eyes instead
of your mouth, would confess
how you felt for me.
your lips grow like ivy along the grey
mortar of my spine, your fingers write how
much they don't love me all over my body
and tiny birds take flight from my breath
to be together, is to be apart
when i am with you every word is a mistake,
we press our lips together
harder than we want to press
them against each others mouths
i keep tripping over apologies
and you just want someone who
is steady on their feet
i once knew a boy who told me
he wasn't an artist, but painted
the shores on my cheeks
when he spoke, even the trees leaned
in to hear his beautiful lies

he only thinks you're
pretty when you cry
when the aching
vulnerabilities sting
like red welts along
cheeks that are
white as teeth
only then are you pretty,
when the red blood
tears fall like soldiers in
the war of peace and
he kisses the place the
bullet exits
he promises he will
still love you as the lion
that murders the lamb
when the sky bleeds,
crimson echoes down
mountains of death
his viper hands
snake round your
hips and you just
don't mind, you just
don't mind anymore

should i ? or should i not?
that's a hard choice
if i do , i'll leave my family behind
the person who gave birth to me
who offered me life
if i don't , i'll just be waiting,
in this miserable life
for my miserable beating heart to stop.

I SLAMMED THE DOOR SO HARD, THAT IT COULD HAVE FALLEN OFF IT'S HINGES,
THE SAME WAY I COLLAPSE TO MY KNEES SOMETIMES.
I SLAMMED IT WITH THE KIND OF FORCE THAT IT  TAKES ME TO LOVE, AND GOD KNOWS I LOVE WITH THE POWER OF EARTHQUAKES AND TORNADOS COMBINED.

You call me broken, not knowing
That my hopelessness stems
From watching you lie to yourself
Over and over again.

What causes my suffering is
Having caught a glimpse of what is real,
And you, not understanding,
Trying to change the way I feel.

You don’t treat me like I deserve.
you don’t treat you like you deserve.
you don’t know who you are anymore.
you defended a girl who used you.
you defended a girl who doesn’t give a ****
you lost a woman who was down for you.
then attacked her for trying to cope
when was the last time you had ****** relations with him

you don’t treat me like i deserve
you don’t treat you like you deserve
I don’t know who you are anymore.
you attack me for things I did to heal.
you resent me for things I don’t remember
you blame me for things I can’t take ownership of
everything is my fault.
whose fault is it? the pink power ranger?

a table is thrown.
you’re recording this all.
you’re taunting me.

now ill admit it, I said some ****.
and the worst part of it all..
you didn’t even get it.
You don’t understand anything I’m going through
so you constantly **** on me.
all I wanted was to pull something good out
from the **** show that you rained down on us
you are a ****. a ******* ****.

I slapped you.
you’re recording this still
you’re taunting me.

when I said you weren’t worth it
i ******* meant it